Family Name

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Newlywed07 Posts: 111
Hi. Just wanted to get your opinions on this. My husband's family has this tradition that the first born son (unfortunately my hubbie!) has to be called a certain name. And then in each generation the name gets swapped with the middle name: ie- hubbies is X Y Murphy fil- Y X Murphy grandfather- same as husbands. It goes back generations. Therefore according to this I will have no say in what we call our first born son. In fairness to my husband, he told me about this just after we met (but at that stage I thought as if we'd end up getting married and having kids etc) But now that we're thinking of having kids it's starting to really bother me. Although the name is a very normal type name I just really don't like it (a bit 'gay' sounding to me actually!) Husband is sort of insisting that we still use it (if we're ever lucky enough to get preggers etc) but I think if I kicked up enough of a stink he'd cave in. However then I'd feel bad that we were the ones that broke tradition and he would be upset etc. Hubbie says I can have FULL control over what our other kids names would be! Other problem is I have to tread carefully as this name that I dont' like is FIL's- so I'd say he will be upset if I say I don't like it!! I know I'm getting WAY ahead of myself however just wanted to see what you all think. Am I being unreasonable?
fantac Posts: 4109
how bad is the name??? we have a tradition like that in our family and the names are bloomin awful!! the last guy is now 16 and his parents gave him the irish version so it woudlnt be so bad!!
Topolino Posts: 1659
Same in my family - Michael. Dying to know the name now. Is there any way you could even shorten it. My husband has two names XY and goes by Y. Maybe you could do this. I don't think I'd break the tradition if I was you, especially if it means a lot to his family.
Perci Posts: 3847
To be honest, if I didn't like the name no amount of family pressure could make me choose it. I think it's such a great part of pregnancy being able to choose a name together with your partner and it's quite unfair for you to be railroaded into it despite the 'warning' he gave you. My own first name has gone through about 7 generations so, without it being said, there was a certain amount of pressure and we decided that it would be middle name if we had a girl.
Newlywed07 Posts: 111
Name isn't THAT bad- old fashioned (but not in a nice way!) and as I said I think it's a bit 'gay'! I'd much prefer an old Irish name. To be honest the middle name (my hubbies' name) is a lot worse, however the shortened version isn't too bad. I love the IDEA of a tradition, however it just upsets me that I don't have any say in what my own son would be called. (like most girls I have been deciding what i'd call my kid since I was a kid myself!) And when the time comes that I get pregnant and give birth etc I will be even worse. I just can't imagine calling all my friends and telling them what I called him. I'd feel like I'd have to tell every one i meet why I called him that! I know when the time comes I'll probably be so excited about just being a mum etc that it won't matter so much - well I hope anyway!!
rock-n-roll-wife Posts: 6579
could you not just give him 2 middle names? and pick your own first name? x
Newlywed07 Posts: 111
[quote="Topolino":1fr8sil0] My husband has two names XY and goes by Y. .[/quote:1fr8sil0] Have suggested this like XY NICENAME Murphy!! and then he will just always be called his third name. hubbie isn't too keen- says it's just confusing for the child etc.
short n sweet Posts: 1802
My DH is the same - he is called X, his dad is called X and his grandfather is called X - I have already told him that we can give any boy we might have X as a middle name but won't be calling him by that name. In fairness to DH he is Ok with this - I just want an individual name for any son we have - could you try that approach or pick a name and say its a traditional family name in your family he he
Newlywed07 Posts: 111
[quote="Newlywed07":fkuyg000][quote="Topolino":fkuyg000] My husband has two names XY and goes by Y. .[/quote:fkuyg000] Have suggested this like XY NICENAME Murphy!! and then he will just always be called his third name. hubbie isn't too keen- says it's just confusing for the child etc.[/quote:fkuyg000] also forgot to mention that if we did this fil will realise that i don't like HIS name!!
molls Posts: 149
The deal in our house is that if any children get DH's surname, I get sole rights to picking the first name. I wouldn't worry too much about your FIL. You can just say that the child (if you have a boy) doesn't look like an X Y.