Father not coming to wedding

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bridenextyear Posts: 10
anyone else in this situation? haven't spoken in ten years, no contact- not all our friends know about this.Has anyone been at a wedding where this was the situation-what was it like?
lilywhite2012 Posts: 571
In somewhat of a similar situation where my OHs dad won't be there, he left the family when they were young and nobody is 100% sure where he is. OH's brother is going to sit at the top table instead of his Dad, and he will make a speech for OHs side of the family. Hope it works out well. xx
GreenerPastures Posts: 7284
I haven't been to a wedding where the dad was alive but chose not to come/wasn't invited. One of my BIls parents are separated years but they were both at their wedding. My SILs parents are divorced years but again they were both at the wedding. Is it a case that you'd prefer him not to be there? Have you opened the lines of communication? If it's a thing that you feel he hasn't earned the right to be there then don't worry about it. I don't think people who know you will bat an eyelid. You shouldn't have anyone there for appearances sake. Even if people aren't sure of the situation I'm sure they will have enough sense to realise it's none of their business. I'm sure they won't be passing remarks or gossipping.
bridenextyear Posts: 10
thanks so much for your replies O:o) i really wasn't bothered until questions like who will walk down the aisle have come up? I havent opened any communication lines. Life has been much better with no contact-just thinking it will be a bit of a "what is going on here moment?" on the day of my wedding when it is apparent he is not there. not something you can hide over really. I think with not talking for 10 years it is a bit for show having him there- we have had no contact-plus of course hubbie to be and family havent met him
GreenerPastures Posts: 7284
Seriously don't even give it a second thought. Fmailies come in all shapes and sizes now. I don't think you'll have any falling into the aisles in shock if you walk up the aisle by yourself or with your mother/another male relative/friend. It's up to you. It's his loss for being an absentee father and you shouldn't feel pressure because you think it's expected. I think nothing is 'expected' at weddings now anyway as traditions change.
bridenextyear Posts: 10
I was really all fine about it until this week. I am banking on no-one having the curiosity on my day to actually ask me about it- not bothered if they ask me after. Thing is some of my friends parents know my parents=problem as they obv dont know the situation. Am beginning to think people just ask these absentee relatives and parents to weddings for show.other prob is my brothers wont be going either if he is not going. drama wedding isnt it?
RainbowNinja Posts: 4437
oh's father wont be at the wedding.. he was never in his life... doesnt even have his surname.. my father is dead so there will be no fathers there.. only the mothers will sit at the top table.. the only problem i see, if he still has a small bit of contact with the grandparents and they will probs want their son there.. but TBH they will just be there as guests, not as family members and will be the only guests from that side... his materal grandparents are like parents to him and they will definitely be included in everything
Mooches Posts: 875
Could your mum walk you down the aisle? A friend of mine had a similar situation (dad walked out on them years ago) and she had her mum walk her down the aisle and it was lovely. I had to have my mum next to me, couldn't have her watching from the top and I'm so delighted I did. Another option might be for you to walk down by yourself or to walk halfway and have your H2B come and meet you. It's your day, do what you want and anyone who asks about it is just being nosey! Best of luck with it all! :wv
bridenextyear Posts: 10
my mum could do it and i would like that. the thing is that my parents are still together- i just have no contact with him. am just getting stressed now people are going to be what is going on here? and my brothers wont be there either. i know people know me and will probably think there must be a very good reason for this-
paperclips Posts: 3146
You have you reasons for not wanting you Father and Brothers there. Its no ones business and people should respect your decisions. Dont worry about what other people think. Its your wedding day, the most amazing day of your life. Dont let this overshadow the wonderful day your going to have. With regards to walking up the aisle, you and your H2b could walk up the aisle together. Or you could walk up by yourself. Personnally I never liked the thoughts of being given away. I was giving myself to my DH :lvs