I'd really appreciate your feedback. I've already posted this on M&K.
DH got a job offer today - a 3-year contract abroad. We don't know the start date, but estimate that it would begin about two months before our baby is born.
It's his dream job & I'm so proud of him, but I'm also heartbroken, TBH. We are already living abroad, so I knew that we wouldn't have family around to help when our little one arrives, but we have built up a great network of friends here, the subsidised healthcare and creches systems (which we've been paying a fortune in taxes for!!) are great, I have great support in my job, working with a boss that I love, and have the option of returning part-time if I want, after ML. We both think that it's a great place to raise a family. DH also has a great job, but has outgrown it at this stage.
I don't want to say too much now, as it might come across as ungrateful when jobs are generally short on the ground, but I wanted to ask whether you think that it is feasible to move abroad with a newborn. We both speak the language. It would be in a much bigger city which neither of us know that well. The job would pay very well - well enough for me to stay home with the baby, but job opportunities for me there would be very limited, anyway. Health insurance for us all would be included. But DH would also be travelling much more, so I really would be alone.
Incidentally, I think that I could manage if the baby was a bit older - ideally a year, but perhaps even as young as 6 months. It's just the initial months that I really would want to have some familiar structure around me. But there is no chance of postponing the job that long.
On the other hand, this would be his dream job - a very senior, demanding position. He has applied for different positions in this place over the last few years & never even got an interview. We never dreamt that he would get this far.
We have been given until Friday to decide whether we will accept or not.
Is it really feasible?
Wow Ivy F, I really don't envy you this decision. I gave it a little think and I think I would take the new job and move, here's why;
The option to stay at home with the baby long term is something I would dearly love to have. That is my number one reason for going for it.
Also, you don't have family either place, so either way you're short on support. But I must say it will be very very tough being without even DH for long stretches of time. Before making the decision, can you look into what the set up is locally for mother & baby groups and breastfeeding support groups (if BFing)? If you have no company other than the baby you will go insane. Is there an option of maybe flying someone over to help you for a few weeks in the early days? A mam/MIL/sister/auntie???
Hate to spout the "current climate" line, but if the offer really is that good, ye may well regret him not taking it.
I think it's definitely feasible, but extremely tough. By the way, delighted to see you at the 12 week milestone, this really looks like your time at last!
Thanks, Nadie, but the more that I think about it & everything that I'd be giving up here, the more that I think that it just couldn't work. Re. the financial side of things, we'd both be giving up permanent contracts in exchange for this three-year one. If I wasn't expecting a baby when they expect DH to start, I'd be prepared to take the gamble, but the timing couldn't be worse.
As for family, my Mum would be the only option, but she's a full-time carer for my brother, who has special needs, & for my grandparents, who have Alzheimers & who will probably also have to move in with her, as they are refusing to move into a home. She actually needs help much more badly than I will.
The main concern for me is that even DH himself won't be around as much - what's the point in moving for that?
Re. the ticker, thanks!!! Can't believe it myself!
Well I'm glad you seem closer to a decision at least - you were in a right quandary in your first post! Really hope all goes well either way. Oh my god though, your poor mam has a lot on her plate...
Just one more thing to maybe look into - a decent bit of paternity leave for DH as a condition of his accepting the offer? Might be worth a try, but if he gets it it might make the decision harder....
Wow, that really is a life-changing decision to make IvyF. From your husband's career point of view, it does sound like a great opportunity, especially if it's something he's been trying to get into for a while now. The fact that it's a 3-year contract has its pros and cons - the experience will certainly stand to him when his contract is up, and if the position turns into a permanent one, that would be great! Even if it doesn't, he'd certainly be in a good position to get other similar jobs, given that he'd have 3 years experience.
However, you also need to think about the fact that you'd be giving up 2 permanent pensionable jobs - which, as you say is risky in this current climate. Is there anything written into his job offer about job security? You need to think about the possibility of the contract being revoked before the 3 years are up.....
Is there any possibility for you to do your current job remotely from the new location? Perhaps you could fly in once a month etc but mainly do your job from a different city....?
I do agree with you that it will be lonely and tough being on your own in a brand-new city, especially with a new baby... at least if you had a job over there, you'd have a circle of friends from work. However, if you're not at work, you're really relying on your husband's circle of work mates, which may take a bit of time to establish initially.
If you do decide to go, you should definitely look into mother and baby support groups, libraries, social clubs, ex-pat groups etc and try to get involved in as many as possible initially, just to get you out of the house and involved in the local community.
Also probably worth talking to a career advisor/headhunter to get their professional opinion on the potential move, as they may have other insights that you haven't considered. They can also help you to negotiate a better contract, so you could include more regular flights home, relocation fees etc..... I think you should ask to extend your decision-making deadline past Friday, as this is a major decision that will require a LOT of thought!
Let us know what you decide to do! Fingers crossed you'll make the best decision for all of you....