Feeling really low - need to vent

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Paddy Whack Posts: 1399
I have an interesting job which I've worked hard to get into but now I'm losing motivation fast. There are 5 of us in my dept and I'm convinced that I'm not being treated equally by my manager. I feel she overlooks me and ideas that I put forward. I don't feel valued. What's really freaking me out is that I'll put forward an idea and either someone talks over me or my idea is lost in the conversation. Then someone else in the group and this has happened umpteen times lately, will put forward the same idea and all of a sudden my boss thinks it's great, and when it's implemented somebody else gets credit for it. Even the times when my idea is taken on directly - the people in the room 'forget' I said it and say to somebody else - oh remember your idea for such and such. Once or twice I did actually jump in and say 'Actually that was my idea' but I don't want to behave like a school child in front of them. One of the guys I work with came from a different part of the industry before he joined us and he's always harping on about well when I used to do this that and the other......my manager treats him like a God and listens to everything he says. (He emailed in some ideas when he was out 'sick' one day and I couldn't believe he included one of mine from a meeting we'd had a few days before, claiming it as his own!!). My boss is supposed to be like a friend too as I used to work here years ago and in the interim before I came back she even attended my wedding. However, I'm really starting to dislike her. She may be thinking that she's trying not to show any favouritism but since I've rejoined the team she's actually been quite harsh on me. Singling me out for ridiculous things that other members get away with all the time. Sorry about the length of this mail. There is so much more - like the fact that I'm the only one expected to cover sick and holiday leave for a more junior member who is surprise surprise out again and my own work is suffering. I was supposed to be off today but had to come in to cover him. :o( :o( :o( :o( :o( :o(
smilesalot Posts: 49
You poor thing, you really need to have it out, i would go into your boss and ask for a word, write everything down beforehand and bring it in with you in case you get stuck, and tell her exactly how you feel !!! Its almost like subtle bullying and its really not acceptable. If you don't stand up for yourself now, they will continue to do it!
Senorita Posts: 3413
Hi there Paddywhack, I can totally see why you are feeling really low - you are definately being singled out by the sound of things, and I'd agree with smilesalot, you need to speak to your boss. Stand-up for yourself, and get the recognition you deserve. Hope you get things sorted hun :thnk
Mrs Cuddles! Posts: 835
Since you have considered this person a friend in the past would you feel comfortable enough meeting with her in private and being honest about how you are feeling? Could you ask her to go for a drink after work some evening and the two of you could have an honest chat about everything? Obviously this is having a big impact on your friendship so maybe this is the only way to nip it in the bud and clear the air??
Paddy Whack Posts: 1399
[quote="Senorita":1l3etp4i]Hi there Paddywhack, I can totally see why you are feeling really low - you are definately being singled out by the sound of things, and I'd agree with smilesalot, you need to speak to your boss. Stand-up for yourself, and get the recognition you deserve. Hope you get things sorted hun :thnk[/quote:1l3etp4i] Thanks smilesalot and Senorita. It makes me feel sick having to confront my boss about this because I just know I'm going to burst into tears. I've been teary eyed at my desk for the last 3 weeks. I'm terrified that she tell I'm wrong or maybe that it is all in my mind or something. I'm worried that I'll be making a mistake and it'll all blow up in my face. Oh God I'm getting so cranky with people in here now I'm about to strangle someone O:| O:|
smilesalot Posts: 49
Paddy Whack, it reminds me of a situation i went through a few years back, not exactly the same but similarities. I like you felt maybe i was making mountains out of mole hills re: the situation, and was constantly questioning myself, worrying was it all in my head? At the end of the day though, i really felt upset all the time and even close friends and family noticed a difference in me. I decided to keep a diary (i know it sounds a bit sad) of every time i felt undermined and overlooked or noticed myself being treated differently, and i have to say, after a month or so i had quite the little book of evidence made up. Reading back over it then made me feel much stronger and i knew i was right and confronted the person and made them feel as small as they had made me and i have to say, it felt great!!!! and they never messed with me again!!! :wv
chefmaid Posts: 2426
So what if you cry, she can just get over it..better to say it that keep it all bottled up... Request a meeting with her and explain it all, you will feel 100% better
Reecespieces Posts: 927
Paddy whack
mollyeile Posts: 2486
I know how you feel - I have just left a job where I felt my boss doing this to me - I told her some of how I had felt when I was handing in my notice and she said I should have come to her but to be honest she was the least approachable person I have ever met. I now feel a huge regret that I didn't stand up for myself more and if I had my time again I would have done what the others suggested and kept a diary and organised a meeting with her -preferably with a third party present
gerbil Posts: 3528
Hiya Paddywhack, I do think you need to talk to her, but would it help not to think of it as a confrontation? You could go into her and ask her to tell you what she fels about your performance and mention that you feel you ahev a lot of good ideas etc but that you wonder are you putting yourself forward in a good way, and has she any comments overall for you? This way she may feel more comfortable addressing any concerns as you are not being confrontational, and if she tells you that she thinks you are doign somethign wrong, you can address it without is being a row or an official review - and if she says everything is fine, go back to your desk, email her thanking her for her kind words of praise and for taking the time to review your progress and use the email if she later says you are not performing well.