felt awful

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happilymarried2010 Posts: 493
sorry now this might seem silly but felt horrible yesterday. DH was a nervous wreck telling his mother that im preggers. he was a WRECK ringing her. Said he didnt know how he was going to break the news to her. i was going to get mad but decided against it. she was over the moon for us but her 1st question alright to him was "how do YOU feel about it" >:o( >:o( i am 10 weeks preg & he never once mentioned it, talked about it or referred to it. :-8 when he told mother yesterday he actually referred to the baby later in the night when talking to me (for the 1st time) i felt like a 16 yr old slapper he had gotten preg Just didnt like the way he had to have it 'approved' by his mother b4 he acknowledged it with me. this is a confusing rant sorry. just felt wee bit let down, thought he would be jumping for joy telling her thats all.
BusyDee Posts: 8527
Some men are like that though! My brother was the same I had to tell my other brothers and sister! And one of my brothers never even mentioned it to my brother at all about being a dad - Id be mad too about the "approval"!! ETS - CONGRATS :stork:
GreenerPastures Posts: 7284
Could you please change your wording here [quote:3c0kunhx] i felt like a 16 yr ************ he had gotten preg after a quick fumble in a car park or something [/quote:3c0kunhx] I find it offensive. Glad that your OH has started to talk about the baby and 'humanise' him/her. Not sure why he was nervous teeling his mother but I'm sure he didn't mean to make you feel bad. Just enjoy the rest of your pregnancy. His mother will come around and if she doesn't then she will lose out. She may just have meant was he shocked when she asked how he felt. There is a danger to read into things I think. No matter how long you planned for a baby it can still come as shock when you get your BFP, especially for the men.
happilymarried2010 Posts: 493
i was making my lunch for work last night, he came over & said oh make something nice now pet for yourself-we have to keep baby healthy. i just ignored him cos we have known for the past 2 wks & he NEVER breathed a word ab baby to me in all that time. His mother was delighted but he actually said before he rang he was nervous because he had spent so many yrs dreading that conversation wth her if he got any othe girl preg b4. i was upset on soo many levels & just took some deep breaths & ignored it.
happilymarried2010 Posts: 493
[quote="Mrs Dodders ":22ad7n2c]Could you please change your wording here [quote:22ad7n2c] i felt like a 16 yr ************ he had gotten preg after a quick fumble in a car park or something [/quote:22ad7n2c] I find it offensive. Glad that your OH has started to talk about the baby and 'humanise' him/her. Not sure why he was nervous teeling his mother but I'm sure he didn't mean to make you feel bad. Just enjoy the rest of your pregnancy. His mother will come around and if she doesn't then she will lose out. She may just have meant was he shocked when she asked how he felt. There is a danger to read into things I think. No matter how long you planned for a baby it can still come as shock when you get your BFP, especially for the men.[/quote:22ad7n2c] your right he didnt mean to make me feel bad at all & perhaps i read too much into it. women are just better at dealing with all these things than men. wimps
rosiemama Posts: 3363
men are like that. i know with my DH he never really got excited about having a baby until very near the end. once DS arrived it was a different story though. i think it doesn't seem real to them like it does for us, we feel it from day one and they don't i guess. maybe he was nervous telling his mum, i know i was a bit telling my parents even though we were together for so long!
Urban Fairy Posts: 3987
I imagine some guys just dont know how to deal with these kind of situations, especially if they grew up in mostly male surroundings (no sisters?). As girls, we've had dollies thrust at us from a young age where as little boys are given toy cars and guns etc. A lot of girls naturally take to this kind of news, especially the order in which you did it in -got married first etc (although being 21st century, i dont think it should matter if a woman is married or not), but guys dont always know how to be. Your his wife, his best friend, his soul mate.. you should be able to open up to eachother about anything and everything. If this is something thats bothering you, and something thats quite possibly something that he's not 100% how to deal with immediatly, then maybe you take the first step in opening the lines of communication. I know a couple of guys who were so dumbfounded at first when they found out my gal pals were preggers. It really upset the girls and they felt very alone at first, but after a couple of months of getting use to the idea, they became extremely supportive dads. Now the kids are all born and the dad's completly dote over them.
gillette Posts: 1803
Happilymarried, I'd have been spitting if my DH had needed his mother's seal of approval of a pregnancy so I think you were absolutely right. Whatever about him finding the idea daunting or it not seeming real to him until the baby arrives (which are both very valid points), that still doesn't explain why he was dreading telling his mother. I hope when she asked him how he felt, he answered 'delighted' because whether he's daunted or not, to me that's something that should be kept between the two of you and not shared with his mother Congratulations!
happilymarried2010 Posts: 493
I heard him saying "shocked". you would think he had nothing at all do with it :-8 :-8 just wish he was more of a grown up & a 'look after my wife & child' kind of bloke. Oh well. I'm tough enough for both of us. Girls this could be hormones taking over too but i think im being logical enough.
obbride Posts: 111
I think it could be your dh relationship with his mother as much as anything. In my house, my mam was waiting on a grandchild for years so I knew she'd be delighted about it, but i've known friends, and their mil's are just built differently, thinking being a granny makes them old or whatever the reason, or their just not into babies. maybe he didn't expect her to be delighted, or didn't know what she'd make of it, in which case it could be normal to be nervous telling her even if he was delighted. Either way with most men, including dh, i don't think they cop at all that this is their baby your pregnant with. my dh and others i've know don't actually feel like their expecting til they see the scan. we feel the symptoms, for them it's just pee on a stick... but then when they see the scan it becomes real - my dh got tears in his eyes on our first scan :lvs and kept showing everyone the scan pictures, before that he wouldn't even talk about it 'incase the worst happens' was afraid of mc in first 12 weeks. And either way, your pregnant now, which means hormonal or not, your always right, every reaction is completely his fault, and he has to support everything you say no matter what (anyone remember the scene in the car from knocked up :yelrotflmaosmilie: )
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