Fights

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Boomerang Gal Posts: 714
Just wondering if its normal to have big fights in a relationship or is it a sign that something is wrong - or vice versa if you dont have fights - is that a sign that something is not right ??? I know couples who have awful rows and yet are happy most of the time and then I've known couple s who never have cross words and yet they end upo being unfaithful or seperating !!! Whats normal and what would be a deal breaker arguement wise in your relationship ???
StupidSexyFlanders Posts: 8402
I've totally panicked reading threads about arguments here before as a lot of posters seem to say they NEVER row with their H2Bs/OHs, never raise their voices etc. H2B and I row - not a lot, maybe once every couple of months we'll have a big argument and really yell at each other. When we do row we might thrash it out for 10 minutes, H2B will storm off upstairs and within another ten minutes one or other of us comes to apologise and we laugh about it. I don't worry about it anymore though. We're ridiculously happy despite the occasional blow-up. I think its weirder not to row about anything whatsoever.
lux Posts: 6270
I think its healthy to have things out in the open. I've just moved in with OH and we've had our first row-about, surprise, surprise, money. It was actually good for us to have it. Now I was very upset as we're learning to live with each other and had this romantic notion but its not like that. I think every couple fights. You never know what goes on behind closed doors, I thought my sister had a perfect relationship but she broke up with her BF of six years and the relationship, from what she told me later, was FAR from perfect. Every couple fight, it might be over silly or major things but how can people have a close bond and live together and NOT have an occasional spat?
Goldi Posts: 85
I find it hard to believe too when people on here say they never row. Everyone I know has little tiffs arguments from time to time but are still very happy. myself and hubby included. My parents 40th wedding anniversary is next month :lvs :lvs they are blissfully happy both would say over the years they would have tiffs too. IMO arguments/tiffs every now and then are mormal part of life and healthy relationship
Boomerang Gal Posts: 714
I agree - I think to fight is normal....... how else can you clear the air ?? Doing it in public though is another story - I hate being with another couple and sitting through their arguement - mortifying for everyone involved O:|
FlexyDee Posts: 4904
[quote="StupidSexyFlanders":yfush2fv]I've totally panicked reading threads about arguments here before as a lot of posters seem to say they NEVER row with their H2Bs/OHs, never raise their voices etc. H2B and I row - not a lot, maybe once every couple of months we'll have a big argument and really yell at each other. When we do row we might thrash it out for 10 minutes, H2B will storm off upstairs and within another ten minutes one or other of us comes to apologise and we laugh about it. I don't worry about it anymore though. We're ridiculously happy despite the occasional blow-up. I think its weirder not to row about anything whatsoever.[/quote:yfush2fv] I could have written that myself! :o0 :o0
lux Posts: 6270
[quote="Boomerang Gal ":vnv1azto]I agree - I think to fight is normal....... how else can you clear the air ?? Doing it in public though is another story - I hate being with another couple and sitting through their arguement - mortifying for everyone involved O:|[/quote:vnv1azto] I was out at a friends for dinner with OH few months ago. They'd just finished renovating the house and we're obviously stressed out. In hindsight, I should have politely declined the invite as they were nowhere near ready to have people over. Anyway, the couple proceded to have a row about..................dusting. She made he OH get out a duster and clean around a bit while we were having drinks before dinner and me and OH were :eek because it was so uncomfortable. Made me vow that I'd let a lot more go in public rather than have a row and make others feel bad.
GreenerPastures Posts: 7284
Everyone rows; some prefer to them call differences of opinion/tiffs/squabbles/disagreements but we all do it. Some people like to think they never row, like it's something to be embarrassed about but I think if you don't air your differences you'll explode. You can't agree or be happy with your OHs habits/behaviour 24/7 so it's normal to just let it all out every now and again. Raising of voices is not good. Yelling doesn't solve anything and shows a lack of control. That's when a row can become a bad fight. A friend of mine thought nothing of the fact that her OH pretty much always yelled to get his point across when they rowed. That to me isn't healthy though.
PaniniRoses Posts: 3628
Erm...we don't really fight! :-8 In 6 years we've only had one major row. We definitely have disagreements and it tends to be me who gets annoyed about things, but I really hate confrontation and just end up crying and giving in (no matter who it is, can be embarrassing in work!) so I'll tend to figure out what I want/need for a day or two and then have a chat with DH about it. He's realised at this stage that if I go quiet for a while there's something coming up, and he leaves me to it til I'm ready to talk about it. I blame my Dad for my wimpishness - I love him and he is great, but he's a massively dominant personality and is never wrong so it's impossible to argue with him, let alone win..oh and he argues for a living which helps too :o0
gerbil Posts: 3528
it very much depends on the couple and the way they communicate. I've been in relationships where rowing was normal and if you'd asked me then I would have scoffed at any couple NOT rowing. However I can honestly say DH and I do not row. We do disagree - it would be unhealthy not to have your own opinions, tastes etc - but we don't need to be "right" about things. We don't react with raised voices or get angry; that's just both our temperments. We tend to talk about things, DH is very goodnatured and would never react angrily to something anyway; we would sooner have a chat and sometimes, just agree to compromise, or if one person makes a stronger case neither of us minds changing our position. I find it tiresome when people equate "not rowing" with suppressing true feelings or somehow lying about how you feel. It is possibly a side effect of being older - both of us are around 40 - but it is perfectly possible to deal with the irritations of life without a screaming match, if that's what suits you.