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laveva Posts: 366
mrs. loulou, you've got a good point about it being lonely staying home nowadays as most mothers are out working and you do have a lot less support in your neighbourhood these days, but i suppose it's like anything in life, you can usually turn things around to make the most out of them. but yes, the women of today have been brought up to study, work and maintain themselves, while getting personal satisfaction out of the jobs we do. we've been told it's ok to get out there into the big bad world and hold our own - but then a lot of us feel torn between persuing the careers we've been taught to work hard for and staying at home minding our children. murphy's bloody law eh!! mrs loulou, you've got a great deal imo being able to stay home for 8 months, that's perfect really. by the time you add your holliers on to that you've got a good 9 months with your kids. notsobridie, i don't think sahm necessarily have to turn into boring people whose lives depend 100% on their children who sleep in their bed with them and can't take weekends away from them. i think we've focused so much on earning our place in the working world in the last 20-30 years that now sahm is almost seen as something very strange and somewhat less worthy than being a working woman. (otherwise why would a woman of child-bearing age feel that sahm's turn into child-obsessed people whose friends try to avoid them - not getting at you personally but i thought your comments were very interesting). i think that's how it's nearly portrayed in society these days and as such we feel the need to be the super executive, mother and wife. if any of you heard this guy steve biddulph on the gerry ryan show the other day, he also made the point that women in our day and age who have had the opportunity to study and work, feel that they have no other choice but to try and do it all - have the career, the family, a nice home... without perhaps being fully aware of the consequences this can have on our children in the future. i suppose that quite a few families (not all i know) could cut back on costs that we think are necessary, but that are probably just commodities, so as to be able to live on one wage... i really feel that society pressurises us into thinking we need a lot more than we really do. is having a personal childminder much more expensive than sending your child to a creche? seemingly it's a healthier, more settling option than the child being away from his home during the day.
Not so Bridie Posts: 273
Oh I'm not suggesting, for one moment, that all SAHM are boring child obsessed women. But some are and I think those who are vehement that their choice is the only right one, are more likely to be like that. As I said earlier, I don't know what I will do if I have children. I might stay at home, but the child's welfare will not be the only thing I will be considering when making that decision. On the economic arguments, it's funny, but many are making the point that they can't afford to stay at home. However, if a couple have two or three pre-school children, often they can't afford for both parents to work.
Why Posts: 2
Can't believe how dirty a discussion can get. Missy Moo you are barking up the wrong tree here and what you have done is publicly slandered someone who does not post on this forum. The blatant and bold defiant belief that you are right is unbelievable. How dare you name a person AND THEIR CHILD when they have nothing to do with what is going on in this forum. Hopefully Susan D - whoever she is can stand up for herself and if she is so certain of her beliefs ,take ownership and stop the gossiping tongues thinkin git is someone else.
Bulmers Posts: 1281
As I posted on MM, I checked out SP's posts when someone "outed" her.As her ticker says she is pregnant, I ruled her out as SusanD isn't as far as we know. I reckon it was someone with a personal grudge against this poster who used this thread as an excuse to publicly slag her off.Dcd, who is probably one of the most prolific MM posters :lol: (take a bow Dcd) since the sites inception doesn't recognise SusanD as a regular MM poster,so I reckon dear Susan is a bored broke moron with a lot of time on her hands who has pissed off most people on every parenting website she has posted on, and has therefore decided to take an excursion to WOL to stir some s**t.
yadayada Posts: 1066
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Frankie Posts: 1571
[quote:306digpg]Dcd, if MM is what they call 'Mentalmums' I actually don't post there, have far too much fun on here :evil: Where would I get the time???? Are you inviting me over though???[/quote:306digpg] Girls don't waste your time on this person. She is most obviously a troll. She has failed to answer any of the posters responding to her reasonable request for discussion dispite her inflammatory topic title. I thought she might be genuine but it's clear when she didn't respond to people and then created a new thread to continue the discussion on a more measured tone that she is a troll. Ignore her, maybe she will go away. I don't think anybody would describe this as fun?
MummyLuv Posts: 2478
Ah I see my little friend is still on her rant 8 pages later ....but did I not give her what she asked for ....a study thats says different, hmmm selective reading there Susan I have just read the last 7 pages and to clear it up for you the reason the other SAHMs have not been got out is becuase their arguements are well thought out and rational and they also have the ability to realise that it is everyone's individual choice as to what they do with their own child I worked in a creche for four years and yes we have all our inspection reports on show, and I also did see a difference in the reactions of four month olds to the situation ...... if you are tuned into kids you'll realise this, we even advised mothers if we didn't think that the baby would handle being in a creche or ways in which they can make it easier on the child. I suspect I now have the same job as Mrs LOULOU ....(very interesting isn't it ....love CPD!!!) and believe me I also had to sacrifice a huge amount for my career, when I am blessed with a child I will then make my decision as to what hours I will work however to deem me selfish for wanting to hang onto something that I worked so hard for is ridiculous, I earn more than h2b and my potential earnings are alot more however H2B couldn't be a STAD as it would be difficult for him to get back into his chosen field so we will make the decision as to what to do ourselves when the time comes .....SUsan I will def not be worrying about your opinion when i do If you want to come onto this site and have a reasonable discussion go ahead otherwise go away, I am an avid admirer of STAM and you are ruining it .....Grow up little girl and BTW longest nap ever at 4 hours ......... and as a trained creche worker that amount of sleep is actually very unhealthy, the most should be two hours regardless of how tired the child is ....if they are tired put them to bed earlier for the night .......
tasket Posts: 306
Hi girls, I’ve been trying to stay out of this topic (bit scared TBH! :oops: ), but found the last few pages of comments to be so interesting and refreshing – after so much mud-slinging & name-calling it was great to hear people’s honest, heartfelt comments on the topic. I too have been thinking a lot about this, it hits very close to home right now as I’m expecting & due in early Oct. I can agree with SusanD that the ideal for most families would be to have a parent at home for the first two years, but her insistence that any other way was BAD really rankled. Just because it may be “best” doesn’t make other choices bad. It’s a bit like divorce – I think most people would agree that two loving, married parents raising children is the best way, but if your marriage has broken down & you’re at each other’s throats all the time, is that really the best for your children? As others have pointed out, parents have to take the overall, long-term well-being of their child and themselves into account when making the decision whether to stay at home or not. SusanD is very lucky, I think, to have a career that is easy enough to take a break from & go back to. Oftentimes if a working mother/father leaves a job they may not be able to return to that job and/or salary level – this could have long-term impacts on the financial situation of the family, and therefore on the child’s future. In my case, I have a specialist qualification in an area where jobs are not easily come by. We hope to return to Ireland (living abroad right now) in the next few years. There are more jobs in my area in Dublin, but we really want to live down the country, near family. So if I’m lucky enough to find a job down the country, I will not be able to give it up for 2 years if we have more children, because it is highly unlikely that I’d ever get a job like that again. I will of course take all the maternity leave I possibly can, but then I’ll have to go back to work. It’s a catch-22 in that if we were to live in Dublin I could possibly afford to leave the job & take a chance that I could get another one after 2 years – but house prices there are so expensive that chances are I’d have to work just to pay the mortgage anyway! Granted, I could quit my job and then work at something else after the 2 years, but as I said I’d probably never get even close to the same salary level (and yes, a “selfish” issue of loving what I do and not wishing to give it up does factor in here too), and honestly I do think that money is important – it’s not everything, of course, and I’m not talking about cars and holidays, but it will allow us to live in a better area and provide opportunities for our kids that they might otherwise miss out on. I’d be interested in seeing what the stress hormone levels are like in children who are listening to their parents row all the time due to money being tight… In our case we’re hoping that my husband will be able to take a year or so off and stay at home while the children are young. But it is a very personal & individual thing, and as happyout said, I don’t think it is a decision that anybody takes lightly. I for one think it’s great that we live in an era where we have choices, and I’d never dream of looking down on anybody else’s decision about what is best for them or their family. Sorry so long – I’m thinking out loud a bit. Here’s to all of us making the best choices for our own individual families & circumstances! :D
MTMR Posts: 788
Hadn't intended on replying to this idiot but.... If you want proof that a child can be better off away from his/her parents then speak to any social worker in this or any country. The amount of stress that[b:eiqy86ow] SOME[/b:eiqy86ow] parents experience during early childhood can in-fact place a child in harm. Ie. if the child was in some sort of day care and the parent free to return to previous employment then it would prevent parental abuse in a number of cases. In my case, I have 2 beautiful girls and am currently expecting our 3rd baby (& 4th according to DD1) I love work. I also love my children, I know there are well cared for in a creche and as it is located close to my work I see them every morning and collect them as soon as I'm finished work. I also collect DD1 from school at 12 every day and spend my lunch break with her. If I were home with the girls I would not feel that I have the ability to teach them all they have learnt will in childcare. That's just me, most mothers would be fantastic at that, it's just not for me! Saying that 80% of creches are not up to scratch doesn't mean that my children's creche isn't. I've seen the inspection reports. I spent 2 yrs on the parents committee and have never seen or heard a complaint about the facilities or care provided. If the experts say babies experience stress by attending a creche I'll care when they assess my children. I believe that every person has a right to be happy. Babies do get a say...when I collect the baby every day I can tell that she is happy because she is settled and content. It is a basic human right to be allowed raise your children in the manner you see fit with out fear of feeling inadequate or a bad parent. No body has the right to say you are doing it right or to pass judgement on your methods, especially self-righteous stuck up their own arse wagons like those raring their ugly head on this web-site for the sole purpose of telling people they are bad parents. Is a junkies baby better off at home with Mammy every day? Is the child of an abuser better off at home with Mammy or Daddy? And how many of can seriously say that the OP's DD is better off at home?
Princess Cinders Posts: 11475
Funny you should say that about the Junkies/addicts. I work in the City Centre and every day pass them on the street> I have lost count of the number of times I have seen them pushing a buggy and the poor child is very scrawny looking. I always think what chance in life does that child have if all they ever see is their parent spaced out of their head hanging around the street drinking and trying to get a fix of whatever they are addicted too. They are out in all weathers and not very well dressed, in the cold winter they have the bare minimum of clothes. Where are the social workers etc and how can these children be let live in these appalling conditions. IMO these children do not even stand half a chance in life and parents who put their kids in daycare are no way bad parents compared to those Junkies