Hi Lavena, I honestly don't think that I've been nasty to SusanD at all. But this topic is coming from one what took place a couple of months back where SusanD made some choice comments of her own to working mums without having the back up of the current study. Hence the 'I hate to say I was right' topic yesterday.
But you're right.. there's NO harm being open to different things, maybe SusanD could take that on board too!
Laveva, there would be nothing wrong with SusanD's comments if she wasn't deliberately setting out to attempt to upset people. I'd be of the view that I'd love to be a SAHM myself whenever we have a baby(and if we can afford it) but to imply that she has been the voice of reason and compassion is a bit misguided. (i'm not trying to get at you, I'm just saying that she's not all sweetness and light to other mums on here).
She has repeatedly posted horrible little comments along the lines of "hope you enjoy your miserable commute home in the traffic, from your miserable little jobs, and by the way, you are all such horrible women for working, you obviously don't love your children as much as I do". It seems she has a vendetta against any working mums, and is intent on trying to make them feel guilty for having to work, and to make out they are cruel parents for putting their children in a creche. How on earth is any woman who has to drop their child at a creche in the mornings going to feel when another MOTHER is adding to the general stress of their lives by implying or just plain-outright saying they don't care or love their own kids?
Nothing wrong with discussing the merits/disadvantages of working or being a SAHM, but her posts have all been aimed at putting down other's situations, and as she admitted herself,
[quote:d0p6hxf7]trying to make WOMEN feel bad, Men will do just as well!!![/quote:d0p6hxf7]
Open discussion is great, but trying to make other others feel miserable because they can't afford to quit their jobs is just plain nasty.
i've actually just finished reading all the posts - i was very intrigued to find out what it was all about when i read the reactions to her post. i have to say i think susand has been open to other ideas...
the essence of what she has said is:
[list:1lg1cd2r]babies under 1 or 2 are happier with their mothers/fathers - [i:1lg1cd2r]if[/i:1lg1cd2r] the finances permit (whether the mothers are actually happy staying home is a different story although it does affect the child but primarily all circumstances being equal, young babies are more content with their parents)
toddlers benefit from spending some time with other kids and adults in a structured setting such as creche, play school, etc.
she plans to return to work when the child has passed the initial crucial stage of development, so there was no mention here of being an OAP going when returning to the workforce
perhaps it is possible in some cases to cut back one wage by making sacrifices and cutting down on the luxuries (this doesn't mean that she implied everyone can do it but as her case proves many people initially couldn't believe that she and her family could survive on 30k alone but she seems to be doing ok)
she carefully planned her family and her financial situation to make the best life for her and her family, and whether we like it or not, that is very good advice. (it doesn't always work out that way and there's absolutely nothing wrong with surprise situations, but you can't deny it's a very sensible way of going about taking on such a huge responsibility that is starting your own family).[/list:u:1lg1cd2r]
then there was the kennel comment and the fact that she thinks that mothers who can afford to stay home but choose to return to work and leave their 4 month old babies in a creche throughout the day are selfish. selfish meaning being concerned with one's own welfare or advantage in disregard of other's needs, well technically speaking she might have a point. and anyone who doesn't fall into that category shouldn't feel criticised by her because she did support mothers who had to go back to work.
we've pretty much all agreed with those points, just not the way she said it. but she did get an awful lot of slagging off too, much more than she gave. not only slagging but extremely cruel comments such as her husband avoiding her and flirting with office girls (just because she has such strong views of the wellbeing of young babies) and the kind of sex education she will give her baby daughter. that last comment just made me sick. she's been told to piss off, shove it up her ***, shut up, get a life... and all because people either a) don't want to be open to other possibilities or b) hurt too much because they are aware of those possibilities but can't go down that road for financial reasons.
btw, i'm also not trying to get at anyone - these are just my observations having read all the posts
[quote:33t6ak8v][b:33t6ak8v]Miss hopeful (I'd do more than hope if I were you), [/b:33t6ak8v]obviously it would depend on the issue brought up by the teacher. If it was a behavioural problem, I'd probably have to get her assessed by a specialist... I'd feel sad for your children if you would take the word of a teacher that your child may have something like Autism for example.
And actually, its Deal or no Deal :D[/quote:33t6ak8v]
Susan - I deliberately came on the internet in a cafe in dublin to see if there was any update - there is no need for personal attacks - miss hopeful is one of the nicest people on this site and that was a terrible remarrk to make just because she does not agree with your narrow minded opinion
Laveva, I AM a SAHM, I have no problem MOST of the points being made... but it's the manner in which it's done that is viscious, hurtful and downright rude!
i fully understand that dcd, and it must be horrible for some mothers to have to go out to work and leave their babies (i might be in the same situation myself :cry:) but i do think the actual essence of the debate is too important to let pride (and or guilt) get in the way.
anyway my only point is that people are condemning the tone she used without realising that they have done the same (stick it up your a**, you do nothing all day, you're too lazy to work, etc.).
that surely can't be denied...
I can see that too Laveva, but if you tell someone outright that they're way of life is WRONG, that they don't love their kids enough not to work, then I think a certain amount of very frustrated backlash should be expected!
These Mums may choose to go to work because they believe it's right for their family, it doesn't mean they don't feel any guilt about it or need that rubbed in their faces in a 'Naaa naaa na naaaaaaa naaa' manner! If one of my kids took that tone with one of their friends in my presence they'd be on time out! :lol:
[quote:304zlzn2][b:304zlzn2][size=150:304zlzn2]Susan D/Gail/Wonderwoman/Sitting Pretty[/size:304zlzn2][/b:304zlzn2]
Please please get off your cloud and rear Amy and the new baby well. God help your kids.Good night[/quote:304zlzn2]
I sincerely hope you're right on that one Missy Moo.. nothing worse than being accused in the wrong :shock:
speaking of time out... i've just received an offer too good to refuse so i'm gonna love yis and leave yis.