Friend upset by my life changes..

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bree Posts: 1880
i wrote a thread on this a while back but really need to put it up again as am so mad & upset by an old friend Eileen. I have always known my friend as being tempremental & often take her comments with a pinch of salt but the uninterest & blatant rudeness she had shown since the news of pregnancy is sooooo upsetting me. I am SO SO mad right now. 3of us meet up yearly @ Eileen's place & its this weekend but this year i havent been directly invited as Eileen told our other friend she felt there was no point i going as i couldnt drink & simply wasnt the same craic anymore. We both got married this summer & i think she feels i 'beat her too it' in terms of getting pregnant..when i told her i was pregnant she responded by saying "oh right" & then rang our mutual friend & said " ud think she would have waited a while - of all people to be pregnant!" DH & I are so so thrilled as is everyone else for us but i just cant believe such a good friend would behave like this, i feel like i have had enough & i know it sounds childish but no longer want to be friends with someone who is unable to openly discuss concerns or issues she has with me.. were not 15! the silly thing is i cant discuss this with her either ( partly because alot of what i know she said i have found out from friends) and partly because she is unable to take any critisism ( tho from this post i sound like the one who cant ) . I know im not the same as i was years ago - but who isnt? she isnt either but i accept life moves on & time brings everything! ohhhhhhhhhhh anyway girls im sorry i just feel really hurt & upset ..this is someone i lived with , worked with, travelled with , got pissed with etc etc ... distance only started when we began building houses at the same time, engaged at the same time & then married at the same time -- think the baby is the icing on the cake & she just wanted it forst ...i honestly feel for her if she is TTC but she needs to voice her anger a little better ! sorry sorry sorry for ranting & thanks for taking time to view this rather boring post! PS: This girls is by no means any longer a party goer so i wouldnt be 'slowing' her down with bump!
strawberry shortcake Posts: 9094
ah bree, poor you, sounds to me like the green eyed monster is with your mate, i dont see why anyone can be that harsh other then begruddgery. maybe shes upset that shes not moving on as regarding being pregnant like you are. maybe shes hurt, i dont know im just guessing here. but still at the same time she should be happy for you. people do change its called growing up and different situations and milestones in your life will inflict this. for example of course your not going to be going out partying anymore you'll have something much better then a druken night out in a few months, something for life. if needs be try keep a wide berth for now if shes upsetting you that much. hope you feel better.
Aug Dream Posts: 142
Hi Bree, I think you will find a lot of people will be in the same situation with a female friend. In my opinion, it is simply called jealousy. I have had a similar situation over the past few years since I met my DH. One particular person who I was very friendly with, was not impressed that I had gone and met someone. I made a big mistake by letting her be my bridesmaid and believe me it was a big mistake. She did her best to ruin the night before the wedding for me, so that I got little sleep as a result. Life is too short in my book, for all of these type of hassles and jealousy's from people. I have started keeping a distance from the individual I am talking about and to honest I feel lots better as a result. I think it may be advisable for you also. If they are a true friend, they will come back to you in time and say how sorry there were. If they are not a true friend, they will not. Best of luck Aug Dream
LJMom Posts: 1100
Hi bree, Poor you god we feel emotional enough when we are preggers without so called "friends" being bitchy. Its funny but I’ve been lucky to still be best friends with all my friends I grew up with we had our DS nearly 5 years ago when I was 24 and I was the first to get married have children etc but my friends were just delighted for us! In the past month two my best friends I grew up with have had babies & it’s great because now they always ask for my advice etc. I think we all change as we get older and our priorities change drastically when we have children. When I had my DS I suddenly realised that my career, house, car etc no longer were the "important" things in life and that our little family is what it’s all about. Sometimes we change as get older & our old friends change also which can result in us no longer having that much in common either in our personality or in our lifestyle. If I was you & I felt that I couldn’t actually sit down & talk to this girl about these issues then I wouldn’t consider her a true friend. I wouldn’t give this "friend" the time of day from now on. Leave her to it & hopefully as time goes by she will come back to you when she realises how much she misses your friendship. Your friend should be ecstatic for you now not jealous or bitchy or slagging you off behind your back. Her time will come when she has her own family. Big hugs :action32 & take care.
mama sugar Posts: 1387
oh bree first of all here is a big hug for you ((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((( :xxx )))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))) No friend should react the way she did when you announced your pregnancy she should have been jumping for joy like everyone else was....therefore I think there is something behind this wheather she is jealous of you getting there first maybe she wants to ttc and the hubby doesn't want to...no one knows what is going on in her head. Would you try and meet her for coffee and explain that you feel like you are loosing her as a friend, you don't have to mention what your other friends said she was saying but maybe just mention that you had never got an invite was the meet up still on.....try your hardest and go to the meet up and have a laugh and maybe through in a few comments it is great to have such good friends around you that true friends are always there for you.....something like that might give her the kick in the ass she needs....I hope that she doesn't realise she is hurting you this much. so best of luck hun we are always here when you need to talk xxx
bellabella Posts: 2750
Bree my darling negativity is the response to jealousy. xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx :wv :wv :xxx
Sphynx Posts: 6795
Bree I think you need to take a break from this person! Do you really need her in your life right now? I'm not saying cut her out (as she may come round later) but definitely don't go chasing after her or making the same effort as she sounds like she's just not worth it right now due to whatever issues she has with herself. Focus on yourself, your family and the friends who have reacted positively to your pregnancy. My friends have all been wonderful so far - and surprisingly the single ones who love to go out partying have almost reacted better than anyone else and are coming up with suggestions for alternative things to do. This person can't be a real friend to you at the moment so stop wasting precious energy on her and leave her to come around in her own time. She's the one who will be missing out, not you! :xxx
Sassy Posts: 2269
Your friend is not being a friend at the moment and you don't need that kind of attuided. If she was your really friend she would be happy for you. My best friend is pregnant at the moment. She got BFP on her first month and i am nothing but delighted for her even though i have been trying longer than her. A real friend would never take the happiness of becoming pregnant from you.
bree Posts: 1880
girls i really appreciate all the replies & have to say typing that rant releaved alot of the anger!!!!! think the advice to leave her is what am going to do.. think i cant help but give her the cold shoulder for a while ( thats if she contacts me ! ) & im sure she wil quickly realise how pissed off i am & how horrible she has been. i am going to send her a text tomorrow night ( as thats the night of the meet up & they will be going out ) ..just saying 'have a good night - think i will hit the town myself, after all im pregnant not sick! " ...thanks everyone
fancypants Posts: 453
Ok i probably have this totally @ss ways - which happens a lot at the mo! But I can't help but think that possibly it is your other friend who is the spanner in the works so to speak - she is the one who is 'passing on' this info to you - I think that if she was a proper friend she would tell the first one to cop on and shut it and certainly not pass it on to you.... hope that makes sense! would you have always been closer to Eileen (think thats what you said her name was) and maybe the other girl is jealous of that friendship and has started to plant a seed to cause a rift - often happen in a threesome.. Ok as I say this could all the completely the wrong end of the stick!