Friendship just not the same since being BM...Help please?

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Yup2011 Posts: 26
I don't feel half as connected to my bridesmaids since I got married! Freaked out by it, to be honest... They both are longtime friends and didn't ring me when I texted to say we got engaged. Eh, I just feel since I've got married that I have all these things about them and feel like an awful friend for crabbing on to my OH about it, but they both disappeared off to bed the night of my wedding without saying goodnight and one of them went off at 11:30 and there was nothing wrong with her (she bumped into a friend of mine outside, that's how I heard). One of them did absolutely nothing before the wedding to help the other girl and myself and cancelled several meetings. I understand people have lives to live but I didn't ask for much. She was all about another girl who she was being b'm for (2 months before) who doesn't give a shit and didn't even let her bring her BF and I paid for their bedroom and gave a really decent bm gift to her!! I mean, we are friends for 20 years and I feel like she doesn't even like me anymore and am so upset about this... What do you think? Should I give them both a wide berth?? I feel like if I don't call them, they will never pick up the phone to me. It's an awful feeling, and I feel too old to be discussing this crap tbh, but WHY IS IT HAPPENING?
Cupcake666 Posts: 135
Could be jealousy?? Maby give them a call and ask them if they would like to meet up for a drink on the weekend? remind them you are still yourself, you haven't turned into an old married woman over night!! i know when a friend of mine got married, she pretty much cut herself off from everyone! we stopped hearing from her for a long time and then she started to message me the odd time. Hope your friends come round :action32
mamadotie Posts: 884
[quote="Yup2011":1fn8rwz1] They both are longtime friends and didn't ring me when I texted to say we got engaged. [/quote:1fn8rwz1] Did they text? Just curious, but why didn't you ring them? When I got engaged, plenty of people got texts, but our close friends got phone calls. Any chance they were a bit miffed at just getting a text (a group text maybe?). I don't know why the rest of it is happening. Sounds very hard. Maybe ye are just growing apart? (Not that that makes it any easier - sometimes I think losing a friend (or friends) like that, even gradually, can hurt as much or more than a break-up. )
Yup2011 Posts: 26
I am pretty scared to be honest at the thought of growing apart from my longtime friends. It seems like it can so easily happen as we get older. Ever since people started getting into serious relationships, having babies and getting married, plus moving in different directions it naturally has made it more tricky to stay in touch as you get into a bubble of relating to whatever's in your day-to-day circle. I find I much prefer seeing people than ringing them - why is this? Is anyone else the same in that way? I actually dread phonecalls sometimes as I am crap on the phone - trying to think of things to say and it feels so contrived. I MUCH rather see my pals and chat in person then. Of course, that's not a regular thing as we're all in different areas, etc. I will keep trekking on with the girls and calling them, though I feel so disconnected and SAD about it all! We have had 'dry spells' in that we mightn't see each other for a while, but for some reason it feels like more than that this time and I just can't put my finger on why. I do not want to sound pathetic, but I am anxious that I'm doing something wrong and am blaming myself.... I don't think it's jealousy on their parts, Cupcake as they are both quite happy in their relationships and I was BM at one of their weddings recently enough, but I know what you mean and that can happen! I think I prob shoulda been a bit more personal with them, MamaD by calling them when we were announcing engagement. Oh I DON'T KNOW!! Sometimes I think - girls are so hard to communicate with! I wish things could be more straightforward with friends. I feel like I am on such wobbly ground now. My OH has such straighforward friendships and I would love that!! How often do we get to be honest with our girl friends? I wonder does anyone have that?
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