Frustrated and Overwhelmed but H2B doesn't get it

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molojay Posts: 5
Not 100% if i'm overreacting or not but H2B has really annoyed me in the last number of weeks. We are less then 11 months away from the day and there is lots to do. But he assures me there is loads of time to book stuff. Now don't get me wrong the big 5 are booked and deposits paid but it's coming to the time the finer details need to be sorted. What scares me the most is we don't have a priest and it does not seem to phase him at all, we're even passed the time of finding a celebrant for even a civil service. We are yet to even attempt sorting our papers as we have to attend appointments in two parishes (our home towns & current resident parish) and he is refusing to go to mass to meet the priests. When i try get his input he just brushes me off with "i'll do whatever makes you happy", Every bride's dream i know but i want him to at least give a sh*t. I don't want him turning around the week after saying he didn't like such and such or he would have preferred etc.. I started small and gave him the task of sorting the Dessert Table (i don't like cake and think this is better cause a large cake usually goes to waste), so after nagging him he finally booked it, i ask what flavours he requested for the desserts and the response i got was "he said he throw a batch together for pickup the Friday before" taking complete control away from what we would like to see or at least the theme would be present on the table. When i pointed this out he argued he didn't know (nor did he even ask BTW) and turned on his heel giving all picture and no sound for 2 days. It seems he only wants to have anything to do with it when i argue with him. His retaliation "isn't that what the bridesmaid's are supposed to help with".. NEWSFLASH I'M MARRYING YOU NOT MY BRIDESMAIDS!!! It shouldn't stress me so much but i feel like he doesn't care or even want to get married. Its starting to get to a point where i'm beginning to reconsider even getting married. I work full time and study part-time and then the wedding down on top of it. He thinks his role is over when something gets paid. I love him with all my heart, i just wish he would have more of an interest in his day as well, i'm not marrying myself like. Was anyone else in a similar position? I'm fit to be committed and my anxiety does not help matters cause i freak out. Some advice on to get him to at least pretend to be excited or help out a bit would be greatly appreciated.
CasualBride Posts: 574
I definitely don't have any advice on how to get him to be more interested!! :) In my own experience and that of many friends who've gotten married in recent years, the grooms are not very interested until the immediate lead-up to the wedding. I know there will be plenty of ladies here who won't agree and their grooms are different, but mine is obviously like yours, and obviously most of our friends in common are similar people to us as a couple, so it's bound to be the case that they have these "laid-back", shall we say, traits in common!! Is there a reason why you don't have a priest or celebrant booked yet? Like, are you waiting for your fiancé to do it or is there something preventing you from going ahead with it? I would be concerned about that; have you registered your intent to marry with the HSE? And booked a church or venue for the actual ceremony? I'd imagine it's stressing you out a lot, so would you just go ahead and start trying to sort it so that you have less anxiety about things? It is frustrating but I wouldn't be reconsidering marrying him because of it? It's just not his cup of tea to be caring about desserts or any of the other finer details if he's anything like my husband - his only focus was on the size of the dance floor, the size of the bar and the location of the venue! After that, he literally had no interest or input until he went to choose his suit. I ran everything by him and asked him if he was ok with this or that, he agreed with everything I suggested (like your fiancé) and let me get on with it. I too was working and studying while organising the wedding but I didn't find it too bad really - I think I'd have found it more stressful if he was offering suggestions and opinions to be totally honest; I just wanted to get stuff booked and sorted, I didn't want to be worrying about whether or not he was ok with it. I just accepted that planning an event is not a strong point of his, maybe closer to the time your fiancé might find his niche and be great at doing final phone calls or logistics or whatever.
2bmrskc Posts: 46
Agreed, was told by himself today that men are just lazy, it's not that they don't want to, they're simply not in with "themes" colours and all that jazz, and I believe him, the only thing he has had input on is the venue, which he loves, me,,, not too keen, I think it's small, but his choice, the rest is gonna be up to me to do, to put a plus on it, it'll all look beautiful on the day thanks to your hard work! Don't be stressing about thinga ya can't control, as long as everyone gets paid and turns up then that's all that matters,,,
molojay Posts: 5
Yes, i think you ladies are right. I'm expecting way too much when he is just not into the details. I may have thrown a wobbler for no reason. Thank you so much for talking me down from the edge. I hope it all comes together now :)
EnchantedBride Posts: 3
Hi, I don't know if I'm a wee bit late to this thread but I was in a similar situation with my H2B and it took me having an actual breakdown for him to start picking up the slack and pulling his weight. He didn't ask his friends to be his best man/groomsmen until not that long ago and we're less than 4 months away (he still hasnt asked his brother to be his groomsman) but I stopped nagging him and told him I couldn't cope with it all on my shoulders anymore and he finally finally did something to do with our wedding! I know it seems like you're banging your head against a brick wall but getting him to do something small will make you feel so much lighter I promise. And just remember, he probably sees the wedding as your day more than his and wants you to be happy. I can guarantee he doesn't care where he marries you, he just wants to marry you. Good luck with the rest of your planning!! x