Funeral Etiquette

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Jawl Posts: 8881
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ReginaFalange Posts: 10290
Just my opinion but in cases like this I think that he needs to put aside what is best for him and consider what is best for the grieving widow. Would she appreciate him calling around? If so then he needs to go around and see her and offer her whatever comfort he can. Nobody likes situations like this but you're doing it for the other person.
veryvalentino Posts: 259
Honestly.....if he is close to your cousin and he is the only family member around then it's not ok that he is only taking his own feelings into consideration. This is a time that his cousin needs people, what he wants should be set aside - I understand he is grieving too and may need time but surely the wife's needs are more important here. If my friends/family stayed away from me when I needed them most just because they felt weird or awkward, I don't think I would ever be able to forget that.
sugarkk Posts: 1384
Do you know I absolutely get what your saying but as someone who was in the same situation, I deeply regret not being there for the bereaved person. It was a friend of mine whose father passed away and I just thought I'd be awkward or no use or worse... and that I'd see her at the funeral. About six months later she expressed, in a very nice way, how hurt and upset she'd been that I hadn't been there for her. And she was right. My own upset was nothing compared to hers and I needed to suck it up and be there for her. I very much regret that I wasn't. At the end of the day, the upset and grief your OH is feeling is nothing compared to his cousin who has lost her husband. She needs his support, even if it is only his physical presence. You need to let him know this.
mysteriousmise Posts: 1783
Has he spoken to his cousin yet? Or been in contact at all? Personally, I am of the opinion that when someone dies, your first concern should be their loved ones/those closest to them - their husband/wife/children, and what is best for them, and not one's own feelings. No matter how awkward you (anyone, not "you" you)feel, or upset, there is someone who is significantly more upset and affected by the death than you are and in such a case, they are more "important" than you are. My dad died a few years ago, and I *really* appreciated those people who didn't wait till the funeral to make contact with me. Feeling ignored, or like an inconvenience, or forgotton is terrible when you lose someone close to you. If he/you are close to this cousin, who has just lost her husband then I think you should make contact today at some point, even by phone, and see what, if anything you can do. Perhaps she's moithered by people and calls, and doesn't want any visitors, but an effort to see should, imho, be made. I appreciate that Mr. J is probably very, very upset, and shocked, and it may not be his "thing", but this woman has just lost her husband.
Smileykaz Posts: 7296
Ah no sorry to hear this. Oh it's a very tough one as everyone reacts to grief differently. Some people won't want everyone in on top of them if someone dies but then again some people do need people around them and would feel offended by family not being there for them. If you're close to her, she may expect to see you both, you know? It's hard to know. Is there a reason he doesn't want to go? Is it that he would'nt know what to say or something? Unfortunately at a time like this it's not about Mr Jawl, it's about his cousin so he might just have to suck it up and go and give the girl a shoulder to cry on. I don't mean to be harsh, but he needs to think about his cousin now, not himself. Of course he's going to go to the funeral so he'll see his cousin then and can sympathise then. But she might be upset he didn't go to see her straight away. I'm sorry, I dont know is the answer to your question. Think carefully and tread even more carefully.
Anahita Posts: 1161
He needs to be there for the widower, he doesn't necessarily have to go in and see the deceased. Sorry for your loss :xxx
dancerformoney Posts: 2733
[quote="ReginaFalange":pflddd4b]Just my opinion but in cases like this I think that he needs to put aside what is best for him and consider what is best for the grieving widow. Would she appreciate him calling around? If so then he needs to go around and see her and offer her whatever comfort he can. Nobody likes situations like this but you're doing it for the other person.[/quote:pflddd4b] took the words outta my mouth. i definately think that its not about him, its about his cousin who he is close to and has just lost her husband. it is very hard to go around and visit someone who is grieving. sometimes you dont even have to say anything, its just being there thats means so much. i hope he reconsiders as the day goes on.
sugarkk Posts: 1384
Sorry, just wanted to add that I'm really sorry for you and Mr Jawl's loss - was focused on the advice-giving part and forgot to say how sorry I am. I'm sure it's going to be very tough for all of you, just want to send you best wishes.
dancerformoney Posts: 2733
[quote="sugarkk":22deov25]Sorry, just wanted to add that I'm really sorry for you and Mr Jawl's loss - was focused on the advice-giving part and forgot to say how sorry I am. I'm sure it's going to be very tough for all of you, just want to send you best wishes.[/quote:22deov25] me too.