girls could I get your advice please?

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katied Posts: 132
Hi girls Could I please get your advice on the following: I am a first time mum and really don't have a clue what to expect when the baby is born. I run a small business with a friend who has less of a clue than I do about babies etc. The business only runs two days a week but I am concerned that I dont leave my business partner running it on her own for too long after the baby is born as I think that it would be unfair on her. I thought two weeks after the birth would be enough time before I went back to work, so I warned her that this would probably be the case and I organised cover for two weeks. But recently I have been talking to mums that said two weeks is not enough as there could be complications in the birth, I could be breastfeeding etc So I talked to my friend about the fact that I probably would need longer than two weeks before I would be back in the swing of things but she really didn't understand. She told me that I could express milk so I wouldnt have to worry about the breastfeeding problem, that millions of women give birth and it was perfectly natural and my body will adjust (basically telling me not to be so dramatic and that I should be able after two weeks to come back to work) I have also been asked by another company to work for them four mornings a week, approx 12 weeks after i have the baby. Now work in my line of business is difficult to get but I am entitled to maternity leave with this company already. I know the company need me to do this work but they can survive without me until my maternity leave is up. I told them I may not be able to get a childminder and that as a new mum I didnt know if that was too soon to go back to work. They (both bosses are men) are not too happy with this. I am sorry for this rant girls but I feel totally unsupported in my workplaces. I dont know how to explain to my friend that I run the business with, that women need more than two weeks before they can function properly again and I dont know if 12 weeks is enough time before going back to work. Should I just take my full maternity leave with this company? If you can advise me I would really appreciate it, thanks girls
sapphire09 Posts: 393
Sorry I can't really offer too much advice as I've not had my baby yet but one thing that did come to mind was what if you have a caesarian section unexpectedly, you'll really need at least 6 weeks to recover from that as it is surgery and you'll need healing time not to mention cope with a new baby. I think 2 weeks would be far too soon to physically go back to work but that's just my opinion. I'm not sure what line of work you're in but it might be possible to offer to keep up with emails/phonecalls etc but again not having a baby myself I don't know how possible this would be with a newborn! Hope things work out for you anyway.
katied Posts: 132
Thanks Sapphire, I never thought of that.
fancypants Posts: 453
hi - I have had a baby and to be honest even if you have a straight forward delivery etc two weeks is too early - to be honest you will be getting feck all sleep at that stage and you will be wrecked! - also it is a really special time for you and your baby and although I appreciate that needs must and that business etc goes on - I would say that if you can do take as much time as you can - you won't ever have it again - you will not need nor care about work once the baby comes - ifykwim - But am sure you can work around it - My friend runs a business with her friend - and when she had her babies they worked it out quite well - am not sure what your line of work is but if you need to access PC/ email you can set this up remotely - gotomypc.com is one way - and tehn you can check emails etc at 4am - when you will be up!! or whatever - similary for the two days maybe after 6 weeks or so - you can bring baby in - or go in at times when it coincides with baby's nao etc - at two weeks you will have no routine - nor should you - the baby will be as helpless as a kitten - if you do breastfeed this will still be getting established and expressing and freezing might be too hard to do that early on - you really need a few weeks at it to build up that production level!! the 12 week option is slightly more feasible I think as you will have got a better handle on everything - but finding teh right childcare for such a small infant might be hard ANy way sorry for bad typing etc am at work so doing this at speed - hope it helps and best of luck!
mammak Posts: 489
hey chick, am in complete agreement. 2 weeks is really not ideal at all. At 2 weeks you are really just getting over the fact you have a baby never mind figuring out how when and what to feed it change it cuddle it or wind it! Its a bit of a rollercoaster emotionally also and with sleep deprivation on top its an all consuming job. Not to mind the physical effects of the birth if its a c-section. And its also fabulous and gorgeous. sincerely, give yourself a chance to settle, cope and love your baby. I realise needs must with work, but if you try and do too much at such an early stage life will most definately be very very difficult. Try and negotiate the maximum time now and have nothing to do with work until that time is up, when that time is looming then you can figure out if your ready, but give yourself a chance to be a mamma. With regards to the company position and the maternity leave- take it, just take it and if you feel your ready to go back earlier well all is good but don't give them am opening for an early return as they'll undoubtedly take it. I know its easy say, but give yourself a chance- its impossible to try and organise a baby at such am early stage- and you want to enjoy it as much as you can. Just pop in to mums and kids forum to see what happens after the birth. Best of luck xxx
Perci Posts: 3847
I agree with Fancypants. You will need alot more time than that emotionally aswell as physically. I was bursting into tears frequently for a good few weeks after the birth and that was just normal hormonal issues. If you were to experience any type of PND that would be a whole different ball game. I had a c-section so it did take longer to recover physically. It also depends on the baby; you will be wrecked regardless as I would say that it takes at least 12wks to get into any kind of routine but I had a baby with reflux so he was very demanding and had alot of sleep issues as a result. I've no experience of running a business and I took 7.5mths maternity leave so I can't really put myself in your shoes but if there is anyway you can take longer then do it.
Ducky Posts: 2506
Am totally with fancypants. I felt fine two weeks after baby was born and even managed a night out for leaving do at work and felt like supermum when everyone gasped as I walked in. Five weeks after, I was a wreck, still bleeding, hormonal and exhausted. Colic had also set in and it was hard-going. I really only felt anyway normal after three months, probably four and deffo would not have worked before that. There can be an initial 'high' after the birth and the blues kick in, which can make you feel fine. I look back on my WOL posts and was undeniably happy and upbeat. But it only lasted a few days, your body is all over the place. Give yourself more time, however you do it and enjoy your baby when they are tiny. It goes by so fast. And what would the other woman know anyway? She's not a mum or particularly interested bu the sounds of it!
hipbaby Posts: 4530
Hi I agree with the others 2 weeks is way too soon to physically go back to work if you can do some remote work then fine for the odd e-mail etc but no more. I was kind of similar to you I was about to launch Hipbaby when Pg with DD2, i was also working for myself going into a company about 2 or 3 days a week. Towards the end of my pregnancy Dh sat me down and told me to cop on and wait to launch hipbaby a few months after Dd was born (I also had an 18mth old at home) anyway I delayed the launch of hipbaby. After DD was born I waited a month and then did all the remote work, ordering, setting up the website etc etc and also did some remote work for the comany I was working for but it was tough going. I physically went back into the company when she was 3mths old but they weren't too annoyed at me as I had done some remote work in the time I was off and touched base with them. I was so busy with them that hipBaby wasn't launched until DD was 12mths. That work is completely gone now (building trade!) and now I focus completely on Hipbaby. Its just give and take it is not as simple as your business partner is making out and my advice is don't commit to anything, say you anticipate that you will be able to start remote work around the 1 month mark and then you will have to wait and see.. HTH! www.hipbaby.ie aboutbut worked for
katied Posts: 132
Thank you all so much for your sound advice. It has definately made my mind up for me that two weeks is too little time. Now all I have to do is defend myself and the reason why I need at least a month off to recover to my business partner (I say defend as I feel I am defending myself to her all through this pregnancy). I am sorry for the rant, I know she just doesn't understand but I really feel me getting pregnant has been such an inconvenience in her eyes. Ahhh why cant people be a bit more understanding!!!
katied Posts: 132
Thank you all so much for your sound advice. It has definately made my mind up for me that two weeks is too little time. Now all I have to do is defend myself and the reason why I need at least a month off to recover to my business partner (I say defend as I feel I am defending myself to her all through this pregnancy). I am sorry for the rant, I know she just doesn't understand but I really feel me getting pregnant has been such an inconvenience in her eyes. Ahhh why cant people be a bit more understanding!!! O:|