Guestlist... AGAIN....!

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newshound Posts: 288
Ye must be sick to the back teeth of topics about bloody guestlists. We're having a fairly large wedding, and before we booked the venue we did a quick headcount to make sure it wouldn't be too big or too small.... and like Goldilocks' porridge, it was just right. Soooo.... flash forward to this weekend when we began drafting guestlist proper, himself's list which was going to be at around 80, is now at 130! And apparently, it just can't be chopped, because he though he wasn't going to invited certain cousins but then they invited us to a wedding so that means we have to ask them, blah blah blah. I don't believe that you have to return invites but I do understand why they, and other cousins in the same family, will now have to be asked. I'm now 50 people over my venue. I don't think I'm looking for any advice really.... cos I don't think anyone can actually help me. I'm just super annoyed that yet again the goalposts of our wedding have been moved again. I can't stop thinking about it and wondering what the hell I'm going to do. Will 50 people not show up? Should I ask them anyway or just chop 50 off the list. That's just so ruthless!
stupidname2013 Posts: 924
Oh my god exact same position. We had decided only to invite OH's aunts and uncles and sure didn't we receive an invite there at Easter to one of their weddings (who they put me as 'guest' by the way and we're together 7 years and engaged - note to brides, make an effort to find out husbands/partners names!!)...anyway so now the debate's raging as to what to do re the cousins - there's 41 of them excluding partners!! Guestlists are a nightmare! I feel your pain!! O:| They do say 20% don't come - you might have to cut it down a bit - afters invites perhaps?
newshound Posts: 288
hmmm... I suppose I'm just annoyed that I have to compromise on my side, after doing all my research. Himself always goes on about he can't understand huge guestlists and here we are! Sigh. My head hurts.
AwkwardAnnie Posts: 2191
I think you would wanna be very careful about the general rule of a certain percentage of asked guests refusing - in some cases that doesn't happen. Is there any way you could cut numbers?? Like only ask the cousins that asked you both to their wedding, just because 1 cousin asked you doesn't mean you have to ask the whole family. Also, are you giving them all +1's?? Could this be cut?
newshound Posts: 288
no +1s at all! And I know exactly what you mean about 'relying' on dropouts, and I don't want people to drop out either iykwim. Problem is I have a huge family, cutting will be tough and we knew this when we booked the place, and there were larger venues but himself said no as he wouldn't have the people to fill it! O:| Would it be weird to post the invites that have to go out foreign really early with an early rsvp date? I'm assuming that all the relatives abroad won't be able to make it and if I had early confirmation it might make things easier.
stupidname2013 Posts: 924
I emailed all the foreign guests and asked them very kindly if they could say whether they would be a maybe (in which case they would get an invite) and which were a definite no. No one seemed to mind and it cut it down by 4...not much but we only had about 10 foreign...could be worth a go? I worded it really nicely obviously!!
newshound Posts: 288
Oh Stupidname that's a good idea. I just have to be really careful in my wording to make sure that they don't think that I just don't want them there. I have loads of foreign guests... nearly 30!
puddin2 Posts: 1093
I could've written your post last year! We found a venue that could hold 320, invited 320 and we have 185 going - we are getting married down the country so everyone has to travel which does make a difference. If your wedding is local to most people then they are more likely to go especially if it is on a Saturday whereas if people have to travel and it is a mid week wedding you are more likely to have a higher refusal rate. Also time of year matters - there are people who can't attend ours as there are 3 other weddings going on the same weekend plus communions etc. Sorry for the long post but just remember there is a lot to consider.
stupidname2013 Posts: 924
Yeah I was really careful to word it in such a way that they knew we really wanted them there but it would be helpful if there was no way they could make it as it helps with planning etc. And then if they didn't know, I made sure they knew that that was no problem and they would still get an invite - it might work, it might not but worth a shot!
newshound Posts: 288
PT2012- It's local to both of us (though I live away from home but getting married at home and himself is from the same area) and it's on a day that everyone's off. But like you said, lots of factors at play but I really don't want to over-invite just in case. So about to start drafting my super-polite-to-foreign-guests-email as a first port of call and see how that works out for me. And I've decided that we'll have a round 2 of invites as rsvps come in. I'll just have to be smart as to how/when I post them to so as not to insult anyway. God, I wish I could have a gypsy wedding, with no invites and just a free for all!