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Chubbums Posts: 699
no2herewego Posts: 802
Yes my OH smokes 20 a day. I really hate watching him slowly killing himself, but for the past few years I have been on his case to stop, and he has tried to give up a few times, he fails every time. So I have given up, he has to want to give up himself.
Chubbums Posts: 699
SGirl Posts: 2542
Hi, I wrote a long reply to this but It didn't post for some reason. I just thought I'd share my experiance of smoking. I used to smoke about 7 a day, 10 max. Gave up, found out i was pregnant and stayed of them for about a year. Now, I smoke while I'm out drinking which TBH doesn't happen too often as we have LO. I love smoking and when I have a drink in my hand, I just so want a smoke in the other. I don't smoke at all the rest of the time. So I do understand where OH is coming from. I also relate to him having a smoke before he gets to the pub, as I would do this with my sister on the way to the pub simply because I have been looking forward to having a smoke. I guess I treat smoking like it's a treat- I'm only allowed to do it every so often. Anyway I agree obviously that it is a terrible habit but just wanted to give an insight from a smoker with a similar habit to your OH. I would urge you to continue to dissaprove as that stops him smoking full time (well it works for me with my OH!). You have his best interests at heart and he is no fool he knows that. As for his mates, I don't think it really comes into it, he is his own man and they are only slagging him cos that's what they do for the craic and if it wasn't about your disapproval of his smoking then it would be about something else! Just saw ur new post- yes they are evil little cnacer sticks and he is mad into fitness- that doesn't make sense but not an uncommon pattern of behaviour at all! My advise is to keep disapproving but try not to dwell on it too much as I would think you are already influencing him hugely and that is why he smokes only a small amount- actually out of respect for you. If you didn't disapprove than I bet he'd be a full time smoker!
goinloco Posts: 774
my oh smokes about 10 a day and has been for years, well before i met him. i would love him to stop, especialy now we are going to have a baby but i cant force him! i occasionaly mention it to him but realy at the end of the day HE has to want to. nicotine is so addictive, i was a part time smoker and gave up for ttc and found it so hard. i admire anyone who gives up and stays off them. i wouldnt be blaming his friends, he is a grown man at the end of the day and has his own mind. he's aware at this stage that you disapprove, considering that he is trying to hide it from you. maybe try to offer support in helping him to stop instead of annoyance? but realy at the end of the day its his decision......
ghostchild2 Posts: 6237
[quote="Yeeha":30hsdf3f]Yes my OH smokes 20 a day. I really hate watching him slowly killing himself, but for the past few years I have been on his case to stop, and he has tried to give up a few times, he fails every time. So I have given up, he has to want to give up himself.[/quote:30hsdf3f] I'm the same as above. I have never smoked and never thought I'd fall in love or marry a smoker but that's what happened. He has tried a few times to quit but it doesn't last long. Like above I gave up but now that we have a DS I am at him again to stop. I love my DH but he knows I can't stand his smoking and it's the one thing I wish I could change about him.
rosiemama Posts: 3363
from an ex smokers point of view i know how your OH feels. i smoked at least 10 a day for years much to my DH's annoyance. he was always on at me to give them up but i couldn't even though i hated smoking, didn't want to smoke any more, tried to give up over and over again. we had some massive rows about it too. and nothing could make me stop, not even those awful ads on tv with the lungs etc. i don't know what helped in the end (we were getting married and starting to think about family so money and ttc were big factors) but i do know that when i did finally give them up i did it for me and not for him regardless of all his complaining. the smoking ban coming in definitely made it easier to go out and not smoke the whole time, although i would have still had the odd one when drinking. to be honest if i hadn't been pregnant on and off the last 2 years or so i would still have the odd one and i know that once this baby is born the cravings will still be there. i guess what i am trying to say is that it is difficult for him and he knows he shouldn't smoke and probably doesn't even want to. but don't give him a hard time if he has a smoke on a night out as this is the most difficult time for an ex smoker. DO however make sure that it doesn't continue on the next morning or before you know it he'll be back up to his 10 a day habit. my DH used to throw out any remaining cigarettes i had in my bag after a night out and he really helped me stay off them during the week so i only smoked on nights out. made me feel better as instead of thinking i had failed and may as well keep smoking i kind of thought, ah well i had a moment of weakness last night but i'm still off the cigarettes iykwim. you can try and encourage him to keep off them with the rewards that he could have with money saved, e.g. if i stayed off the cigarettes for a month then i'd treat myself to new shoes or a posh dinner or something. i don't think his friends will be laughing at you. they'll all be in the same position as him, they all know they shouldn't smoke and it makes them feel better if they can rope him into it too. peer pressure from smokers is awful! your OH should just avoid going outside with them at all if he can as its too tempting otherwise.
soulful Posts: 1697
Seriously your checking his pockets to see can you find cigarettes? He must know how much you despise them and he just enjoys the odd smoke and will probably only give up in his own time. I smoke and my dh smokes too, we have 2 children but we smoke outside. I don't think putting pressure on him is going to make him give up because often when we are told to do something it makes us do the opposite.
PrettyWoman Posts: 1233
My oh doesn't smoke and is very anti smoking like myself. TBH I have never dated a smoker and I don't think I could. I actually think we would be broke if either of us smoked with the price of them! But my two brothers are heavy smokers and they did try to give up. The one thing that made one of them give up for good was when his 7 year old son came into him one day and said "Daddy please stop I don't want you to die" After 10 years of trying to give up and not being able to he quit that day. I feel a bit sorry for your partner to be honest. It is an addiction. He can say so many times to you that he wont do it and I'm sure he will really believe it himself but at the end of the day he's an addict so its not as easy to just stop smoking. I'd try not to nag him too much about it. If he wants to give up he will.
Littlebo Posts: 2598
I am a Smoker and so is my OH, and yes it is Killing us. But it is my choice, Mine, not Oh's only mine. We smoke 20 a day each and I am so frightened of what it is doing to us and also the expense is unbelievable but that's not the important part. We have both tried to give up several times, my Oh is better than me and lasted 8 months off them. I lasted 6 weeks but was always so careful not to have them anywhere near him or out of respect for him I never smoked near him. I was and am so proud of him!! We have no children and we have promised that when we start trying we will give them up forever. Please Please God. It is very very hard to give them up and no-one except people who have smoked can understand this, yes it is an addiction and unfortunately a Bad one at that but that can't be the reason for us not to give them up,,,,,if you know what I mean. Sometimes it's easy to say " I am addicted" and leave it that and of course at that stage you are in denial. Going Cold Turkey or any other way is to be honest is fairly brutal- pains in the head, sleeplessness, cold sweats, migranes even depressed mood, shivverring, shaking, consumed by trying to stay away from the next cigarette...Yes it a withdrawal. Tbh I do feel sorry for your OH as he is trying his best here and you putting this huge pressure on him may not be helpful! A person has to do it for himself, his way and in his time, he is his own person and unfortunately this does affect you but you in my opinion you have to lay off him slightly .....it seems he is trying. So what about his friends, they will always be like this, we've all been there. Now, don't get me wrong I am not chastizing you at all, I think you are great for trying to help him and being so caring for him and I understand why you are doing this too. But maybe just lay off a little and he may see this very supportive .I would talk to him, tell him all your worries that you are no longer going to "go on" as much or what ever way you want to word it but you still feel the same way but you will fully support him when he does give them up. Btw I have life long smoking friends who have given them up and now only smoke when they drink which is rare and I would so LOVE to be them. Hope this helps and good Luck.