He changed his mind...

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murfysmom Posts: 33
Our original plan was a small church wedding - imediate family only, then a meal with cousins, aunts, uncles and a couple of close friends I kinda liked this idea - well, it was part of our deal (I wouldn't be the most romantic of people) see we are together years, have our house, are kinda sorted really. I am not that pushed about marriage really. He is the one that wants to get married, and our deal was we would have a small enough wedding, and I could have any honeymoon I wanted. On Sunday between watching the matches he decided to inform me that he thinks he wants a big enough wedding.... omg... I think he is only changing his mind now coz a few of his friends weddings are coming up in the next few months, and they are big enough weddings. We have been planning the wedding for the last 4 months- or should I say I have been doing the planning. I have a good bit done... well I have the church booked, the priest booked, the hotel booked, the photographer booked, the dresses and shoes got (mine and bm x 2). And I have the honeymoon booked. Because of his change of mind, we will end up losing the deposit on the hotel, losing the deposit on the church, and having to pay more to the photographer for travel. And we have to find somewhere that we can still get married on the same day, coz no way am I losing my deposit on the honeymoon. It's not that I am allergic to the idea or anything, it's just that the smaller wedding would have been easier. What would you all do? Is it worth the bother in changing? *)
MrsKA Posts: 878
I had a fairly big wedding and I wouldn't say that there was any more prepartation than a small wedding. You still need the photographer, band, DJ, Church. It was really nice to have everyone there. But its all personal choice. Sit down and have a chat with your H2B and express your concerns. But you will be supprised how many people you know and want to have at your big day.
Missus Lippy Posts: 5879
I agree with conanne in that you still need the same suppliers for a small wedding as you do for a bigger wedding but losing deposits and pretty much starting from scratch again is a different matter. Does your H2B actually realise the work that's involved or that you will have to change venue? Could you not organise a party somewhere else, after the meal and invite a lot of people to the afters? I was at a wedding where this was done, I wasn't at the meal but a bus was organised at a certain point and it was the best night, very informal but I suppose it depends on what sort of day you are looking for.
murfysmom Posts: 33
He knows we have to change venue, he has it even planned where he wants it.... hello like, why not tell me all this 4 months ago when I was booking the first place. and no, he doesn't realise how much work is involved. The thing about the afters.... I suggested that to him, and he said no, I think I want the people there for the whole lot. I know I still have the same amount of organising with a small and a larger wedding. but having to do double the work..... I suggested jokingly that he can go about ringing the new place wondering if they have that date available, and he kinda laughed. He drives me mad sometimes...... *)
Missus Lippy Posts: 5879
Well there's your strategy, get him to ring the new place plus all your other suppliers to see if the date is free. One of three things will happen:- It will never get done He might surprise you and ring but the date will be gone He might make you drop with fright and ring everybody, date will be free but you will have to decide on losing your deposits, both with your old venue and photographers etc., I can't see all of them fitting into your new date, somebody always puts a spanner in the works Good luck, sounds like you will need it :o0
ANAIS21 Posts: 2401
:wv Just want to say, you might start to like having a big wedding, when you go looking at bigger venue's.. I know this is going to sound odd, but sometimes i wish i was having a Xmas wedding with a marquee on the grounds of some fab old hotel/house.. But i wanted the 21st of june, and i booked our hotel which i absolutely adore, the reason i am saying this, i would love to be in your situation..I am sorry i have been no help to you whatsoever.. :xxx
wishicouldelope Posts: 181
Just wondering if it would help to work out a budget so you can sit down with your H2B and make a decision based on a few more factors than what other people are having? If you lose money on deposits factor that in to the grand wedding total. How does that affect your honeymoon spending, etc. If you would prefer to have a smaller wedding, use words like [i:2bg3j95p]intimate, special, meaningful [/i:2bg3j95p] to sell the plan!!!! On the otherhand, you might enjoy a bigger wedding - I guess it's just important to work out what you want! Personally I think that he's being really unfair and inconsiderate (but that's probably because I'd like an even smaller wedding than I'm having and would be so upset if he changed his mind) and while my first reaction was [i:2bg3j95p]if he's like that now, what will he be like in ten years time[/i:2bg3j95p], I think that he probably doesn't have a clue how much work is actually involved. I know I didn't until I took it on! Could you ask him to check out a couple of hotel function rooms, or ask him to ring around churches and check their capacity....just to gently make the point that a wedding doesn't just happen!
murfysmom Posts: 33
Anais21 you are kinda right, since posting this, I have kinda come round to the idea of a bigger wedding. And am looking at it now like it might not be such a bad idea. wishicouldelope - I know what you are saying, and I do realise that he is being selfish, there is no way he would think about ringing up places... country man....country ways.... well the honeymoon spending I have put that away ages ago, as i said in my first posting about this, all I want really is the honeymoon, so the first thing i did after paying the deposits on stuff was put away money for the honeymoon and spending.. So no way in the world is that being spent on anything else.... I can be selfish too I got a reply today from the hotel he wanted to say the day we wanted is not available, but the day before is available. That is a Thursday. We're meeting with the manager during the weekend to discuss this option. He said in his mail that he would throw in some extras if we took the thursday option. I don't know about a Thursday though. Guests would have to take the thurs and Fri off, and it is coming into a long weekend. I know personally I wouldn't mind it, but with older relations I don't know how they would feel. after finishing this i must look up thursday weddings on this forum. thanks everyone for your help *)
stellam Posts: 131
we spent 6 months deciding whether or not to go large/small, home/abroad, church/registry office! I couldn't make up my mind and only until i was certain what i wanted we went ahead and started planning (church 120people). anyways, as the other girls said, alot of the costs are there no matter what size so it's not much extra in cost to go large and you get to have a big party, and everyone loves s party, especially family because these days i seem to only meet my large amount of cousins, etc, at funerals! so i said feck it might as well meet up at a happy occasion. as for your fella changing his mind, think it's time for him to pul his weight, he should definitely be the one ringing the venue!! i knoe the bride usually does it all but i think under the circumstances he should be making any "adjustments". of course don;t be afraid to say, no you want to tick with the original plans, it may just be a phase he's going through in his head, the novelty might wear off once he's been to all his mates weddings! good luck
murfysmom Posts: 33
I gave in.... we are going for the bigger wedding, changed venue, paid the deposit there on Tues €1000, he better not go changing his mind again. We ended up having to change the day of the wedding, i already have the honeymoon booked, so we had to go for a date close to the one we had. I don't think I mind really, I know when it comes to it he will regret changing his mind though, as he is quiet shy, and when it comes to the speeches I know he will panic, he told me from the start that I would be writing the speech for him. When I told my mom the other day about the change she wasn't a bit happy... give me patience... I think she was sour coz I didn't consult with her.... she should know me by now, I rather doing things myself. She was going on that she was looking forward to going to the lovely church, and was looking forward to spending 2 nights in the lovely hotel, and the church we are going to now(local church) isn't half as nice, and the hotel is horrible. Sometimes I wish I didn't agree to go ahead with this bloody wedding malarky.... oh well... only another 7 months of having to listen to this rubbish....great