Menu

How do you deal with inlaws?

We've Moved!

Our wonderful discussion forums have now moved to Facebook...

Click to join us in our HIGM ("Help I'm Getting Married") group!

hayden Posts: 136
I don't have a problem with the inlaws, well I didn't up until recently. We don't see them too often which helps. Over Christmas we were interrogated. I mean drilled. OH's mother asked us "are you inviting your friends?" I thought she was joking but she asked again, "Are you inviting your own friends?" To which I replied, "Of course we're inviting our friends!" "Well, are you inviting OUR friends?" I told her, "We spoke about this at X's wedding, the people you told me who you want invited are on the list." She still wasn't happy with this and continued how she had never heard of siblings inlaws being invited. Now I know my siblings inlaws very well. I know them years and years. Of course we're inviting them. She wasn't happy. I said "We are working with a budget and we have our guest list drawn up. If you want more of your friends at our wedding you can pay for them!" They asked us to list the people we have on their side-we did. They wanted us to exclude 2 of this cousins as "payback" because their youngest wasn't allowed to go to their parents' wedding 15 years ago! Seriously??!!! I refused and insisted they are being invited. OH's mother then asked "What colour are the bridesmaids wearing or is that state secret too?" Now she knows we don't have bridesmaids dresses yet so why is she being difficult?? I don't know if maybe I'm over thinking this but everything was going so smoothly until now. Flippin inlaws.
LastRolo Posts: 6892
I get on the best with my inlaws - I'm very lucky. They haven't asked very much about the wedding, but I don't mind telling them anything as I love my MIL's opinion.
Dancing Queen Posts: 2591
With the bridesmaid dress dagger thrown in there it sounds like maybe she feels excluded??
highbeam Posts: 2578
Sounds like she is trying to be awkward. Maybe try sit and talk to them about the guest list reasonably without it turning into an argument. I was worried my inlaws were going to add a lot but they havent really and Im happy with who they want on it, its a big day for parents too. I think sometimes the grooms mother can feel a little left out of the planning as the bride normally does most of the organising. I know my mother would know a lot more details than my FMIL. Maybe ask her to help with something - I asked mine to come and pick flowers with me and she is delighted. I know it can open a can of worms giving away too many details and I dont want her telling everyone what Im having so you have to be careful too but I get on well with her and it sounds like you probably did with yours too until this.
hayden Posts: 136
[quote="Dancing Queen":iz8x8g72]With the bridesmaid dress dagger thrown in there it sounds like maybe she feels excluded??[/quote:iz8x8g72] I thought this too but I'm struggling to find ways to include her-she's not interested in anything girlie so that leaves me with little to include her in. I asked her to make the cake-she said she wouldn't take on the responsibility which I can understand. She asked could she come on the hen and I ignored that-maybe she is still annoyed over it.
hayden Posts: 136
[quote="shampers"] I think sometimes the grooms mother can feel a little left out of the planning as the bride normally does most of the organising. I know my mother would know a lot more details than my FMIL. Maybe ask her to help with something - I asked mine to come and pick flowers with me and she is delighted. quote] I can't think of how I can include her-I did show her the invitation style we had chosen and she just shrugged and said "they're grand."
Kettles Hotel
ianstuart Posts: 1947
[quote="hayden":3m3bync1][quote="Dancing Queen":3m3bync1]With the bridesmaid dress dagger thrown in there it sounds like maybe she feels excluded??[/quote:3m3bync1] I thought this too but I'm struggling to find ways to include her-she's not interested in anything girlie so that leaves me with little to include her in. I asked her to make the cake-she said she wouldn't take on the responsibility which I can understand. She asked could she come on the hen and I ignored that-maybe she is still annoyed over it.[/quote:3m3bync1] I think she is just feeling a bit left out. Why not have a night once a month where you call over and fill her in on that months wedding activity and if she really wants to go on the hen party why not organise a special over night trip for all the females in both families. Dinner and fancy( cheap) hotel. Could solve all your problems.
dancingfeet Posts: 826
When I was getting married my mother in law was as nosey and wanted to know everything. I would tell her feck all but my hubby is very close to his mammy and eventually she would find out.. I feel like they want to be invoved but want you to invite them to be included. You just have to go with the flow as they will drive you mad, that what I found.. I still don't get on with my inlays and she always has a sly dig about things, even Christmas day she said something. I have learned not to rise to the situation, that annoys her more. Weddings are stressful enough and family input can drive you mad, whether it is from your family or you partners.. Hopefully she will back off and let you plan your day the way you want.
1