How do you keep everyone happy ??

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OConnell2b Posts: 102
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Steph2 Posts: 1044
At first we weren't going to have any kids at our wedding but changed our minds recently after attending another family wedding where there were a few children present and it was really nice. We have drawn the line at children of the family only - friends children are not being invited and that's a decision that we'll be standing by. If people take offence or don't like it, tough!! It's impossible to keep everyone happy....IMPOSSIBLE!!! As I said before - you could invite every single person you know, everyone's kids, spend an absolute fortune - there will always be someone moaning about something!! We are not having a flower girl or page boy and if people don't like it then they can worry about it - I ain't losing sleep over it :o0 It's your day - not your OH's brother's kids day!!!! Presumably you're paying for your wedding yourself so don't let anyone stick their nose in!!! You're only going to do it once so don't let other people influence you to do things that maybe you otherwise wouldn't have done. That's just what I think anyway. I'm still in the process of planning and am learning as I go. xxx
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Quick answer is that you will never be able to keep everybody happy !! On some things to do with the wedding, you will just have to make a decision that you are happy with and then stick to it. I think that 15 kids at the wedding sounds like loads. I presume (from your post) that these kids are your own, and both of yours nieces and nephews ?? SO the kids that your brother is not hapy about you not having them as part of the bridal party, will actually be at the wedding ?? In that case, the brother will just have to get over it !!! You cannot force someone to have your kids as flowergirls or pageboys etc. THere is no need for you to feel under pressure to invite friends kids. I don;t think they should expect it, but you can never tell with people. One of my friends was making lots of comments about trying to get a babysitter for her daughter (2 years). At one stage OH even said "should we tell her that she can bring LO to the wedding", and I was like "NO, everyone else has to organise a babysitter, why should we make an exception for her because she keeps dropping hints about it". So, you will just have to stick to your guns. Maybe drop it into conversation, that you are going to keep the kids to family. Don't let it stress you out :)
OConnell2b Posts: 102
Thanks for your replies ladies, We don't have kids (yet) so the 15 kids going are family/god kids. OH's brothers kids will all be going to the full wedding but he thinks they should be in the wedding party. Can't keep everyone happy i guess.
Steph2 Posts: 1044
[quote="OConnell2b":16r0dagw]Thanks for your replies ladies, We don't have kids (yet) so the 15 kids going are family/god kids. OH's brothers kids will all be going to the full wedding but he thinks they should be in the wedding party. Can't keep everyone happy i guess.[/quote:16r0dagw] If they're going to the full wedding then I wouldn't even consider his concerns to be honest with you - in my own opinion he has some neck insisting that his children be part of the wedding party!!! WTF???? I know what I'd be telling the likes of him!!! The bloody cheek :eek
Scruff1 Posts: 3139
You will not keep everyone happy and don't try to or your head will be wrecked. Initially we weren't having any kids apart from nieces and nephews which would only have been two kids. Then decided that we would invite kids of those coming from abroad. This is the only change we made the the having kids thing, even inviting the children from abroad only brings the number of children up to 7 or 8. We're inviting lots of people from home who have kids but no way we are inviting them, you have to stop somewhere. As for having the kids as part of your bridal party, if you don't want them don't have them and just be clear with that from the outset and stick to your guns!
macker2b Posts: 720
As everyone else has said you will not keep everyone happy. We have 7 kids in total coming our DD and her cousins. We made the decision that no other kids would be invited and have said it from the start. Hasn't stopped others trying guilt us into inviting their kids. You both just have to say strong make a decision together, stand by it and march to your own drum.
ShutterBug Posts: 1056
I think we are going to run into problems with this too. OH has one niece who is invited, I dont have any neices or nephews and we dont have kids of our own. But we dont know where to draw the line on cousins kids. I would be a lot closer to my cousins then OH to his and wouldnt mind invting their kids as there are only 2 girls. But my OH has a very large family and a lot of his cousins have 2 or 3 kids each. So if I invite my cousins kids, where do I stop when it comes to his side? Does it look bad if I only invite the two girls on my side and tell his side none of them can go? One family will be coming from abroad (if they come) so then will the rest of her family be upset when I dont invite her sisters kids? We arent having any flowergirls or pageboys and Im not budging on that.
Steph2 Posts: 1044
[quote="Miss Ted":36e8pmlg]I think we are going to run into problems with this too. OH has one niece who is invited, I dont have any neices or nephews and we dont have kids of our own. But we dont know where to draw the line on cousins kids. I would be a lot closer to my cousins then OH to his and wouldnt mind invting their kids as there are only 2 girls. But my OH has a very large family and a lot of his cousins have 2 or 3 kids each. So if I invite my cousins kids, where do I stop when it comes to his side? Does it look bad if I only invite the two girls on my side and tell his side none of them can go? One family will be coming from abroad (if they come) so then will the rest of her family be upset when I dont invite her sisters kids? We arent having any flowergirls or pageboys and Im not budging on that.[/quote:36e8pmlg] Could you draw a line depending on how old the kids are?? For example some of my OH's aunts and uncles have a family of four, but we're only inviting the two youngest children - the rule we're applying is that if they're old enough to be left without a babysitter on the day, then we're not inviting them. In most cases it works out for us anyway because the older kids are all boys in their early teens and their parents seem more than happy at the prospect of abandoning them for the day :o0 Someone's nose is going to be out of joint no matter what you decide to do - it absolutely amazes me the way people act when it comes to a wedding. It's absolutely none of their business who you invite and why you've invited them - so do whatever feels most comfortable for you and your fiance. If we invited every single one of our cousins we'd have around 25 children at the wedding!!!! No thanks :) So we've cut it back to inviting the youngest kids as I said, and we'll have 8 kids which is plenty I think. Just slightly off topic - I have decided not to invite certain aunts and uncles (just a handful) - I never see them, they play no part in my life, and our venue is small so numbers are limited - would rather offer those guest places to friends and other people who I see on a regular basis. I will of course invite them to the evening part. So because I've decided to leave these few people out, I now have some of my other Aunty's telling me that they're not coming to the wedding if I don't invite the others. So there's another example of people sticking their noses in - I honestly don't know where people get their nerve. I've made an overall point to my family that I want people to come to my wedding because they want to be there, not because of who else has or hasn't been invited!!! So I've told these people that if their reasons for not coming to the wedding are in protest of me not inviting the other members of the family, then I would rather not have them there in the first place. I have an extremely big family and I have learned quite quickly that unpleasant as it is, some people simply have to be put in their place - and I know now that I need to put my foot down and stick to my plans no matter what...... planning a wedding is hard enough as it is without dealing with selfish family members wanting everything their way!! xxx
lolly2010 Posts: 707
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