how long between first and second?

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browz Posts: 256
Hi there Am still pregnant with first but sometimes start thinking bout when id try for second(if we do, ha!ha!). whats the soonest youve heard people going again? Or are you an advocate of waiting a year or two? Opinions please :wv
Luka Posts: 1904
Hi Browz, Well, my DS is 17 months tomorrow & I'm still not ready. (& I'm 38 in december :eek ).Even though our DS is great, he's still hard work & demanding. It's really only when you have the baby that you will know how you feel. A friend of mine who had a baby one month before I had my DS, had another baby in August, so there's only 16 months between them! My SIL's little boy is nearly 2 & when she was expecting him she was saying she'd have another one straight away, she changed her mind as he was quite a handful, much more difficult than my DS & still hasn't started trying, so I really think it depends on how the baby is/sleep wise etc. Personally my problem is I'm not ready to be pregnant again yet,as I had 2 miscs before my DS & I'm not over them & the fear of it happening again is still quite strong, so I'm working on that. Not sure if I've been of any help!
Octoberbaby2010 Posts: 257
Im pregnant with my second and there is going to be a 23 month age gap between them. Tbh dont think i would have been able to cope if the age gap was smaller. in the last couple of months dd has got so much more independant whinch makes things easier. found second pregnancy tougher on regards to tiredness you cant just go off to bed when you have a small one to look after and dd isnt great at taking her nap during the day although she sleeps great at night which im grateful for!
spinning jinny Posts: 425
There is 19mths between my two boys, one is 2 and 7mths, other is 11mths now. I had a tough 2nd pregnancy and have to say the first 6wks of having #2 were hard but once he started sleeping through the night it got much easier. Getting used to the sleepless nights again knocked me for six. They both have been great sleepers and having them close in age they are now great company for each other. As previous poster said, it all depends on how #1 does for you, I was pretty lucky, both are fairly placid boys. We've started trying for #3!!
corkiegirl Posts: 825
My brother is 13 months younger than me and my sister is 17 months older so my mum had us pretty much together. We are very close and I think the age gap accounts for some of that. Growing up, we had friends in common and could do things with each other's friends etc. I fancy the same thing myself although I'm only pregnant with #1 and totally think that how #1 sleeps, behaves etc will have an impact on when we go again. Also, I need to check out what it would mean for mat leave from work. I think that I have to go back to work for a certain amount of time before I'm entitled to more mat pay.
Rinky Dinky Posts: 10
Just under three years between my two, and to be honest I couldn't have imagined having #2 any sooner. #1 was a dream baby, really easy to manage, but still I really appreciated having that time to really get to know her before #2 came along. She was also that bit older so she was her own little person by then with her own friends, her own routine, her own identity, etc. so having a little usurper on the scene never bothered her. It also helped not having two in nappies at the same time (although, on the flip side, it was a pain in the ass having to get back into the whole nappy thing!)
blueboots Posts: 833
My DS will be 20 months but the next one ones along. My DS was/ is very hard work. Colic, reflux the works. I decided to go again because to be honest I just want the hard work/ baby stage out of the way ASAP. I'm only planning on having the two. I honestly feel if I was to wait till DS was say 3/4 I probably wouldn't go back and do it again- out of pure laziness. At the end of the day it's whatever works for you as a family. My cousin had 4 in the space of two years!!!
Snuffy Posts: 1492
I'm waiting until the first is old enough to babysit! Ds is 10, I'm 30 this month and getting married next year but won't be going again for a year or 3 after that. But I'm weird!
littlesugarloaf Posts: 2000
[quote="Snuffy":5wwjhfhd]I'm waiting until the first is old enough to babysit! Ds is 10, I'm 30 this month and getting married next year but won't be going again for a year or 3 after that. But I'm weird![/quote:5wwjhfhd] You're not weird at all :o0 I've seen friends and family members really struggle with two close together but even before witnessing that, I knew that two close in age wasn't for us. In fact, we've decided that we'd rather take the chance and just have the one rather than have two close in age - we both just know that we wouldn't cope well and for us, it wouldn't be fair on either child. I'm 22 weeks pregnant now and whilst I have had a grand pregnancy so far, I couldn't imagine how I'd cope taking care of a young baby or toddler at the same time as being pregnant. My cousin has just had her second and her eldest is three and a half. Seems perfect gap to me. Because of my age I might have to have them just a little bit closer than that but not much more. Ideally, for me, the first one would want to be out of nappies before the second arrived. I know this isn't the norm though. Maybe I'm weird too :o0
ciaraella Posts: 5323
We're kind of ttc'ing #2, DD will be one this month so if things go according to plan there'll be roughly two years between them. To be honest I'm terrified at the thought of managing a newborn and a toddler but the way i see it i know i want to have two children, i think a small age gap will be good in years to come, hopefully they'll have some similar interests, activites/toys will be suitable for both of them. Like blueboots i think i'd rather have the madness of the baby years all in one go and be done with nappies, stairgates etc altogether rather than going back when DD is 3 or 4. Also i reckon the younger DD is the less she'll remember being the only child and hopefully won't be as jealous although that could just be wishful thinking!