How much is too much?????

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kittysue Posts: 1016
sorry just deleting in case someone knows me....
ciaraella Posts: 5323
No if you're at home with a yound child you need your DH, and i imagine the brother does need a bit of support too. The best thing imo would be for DH to say no sometimes so that his brother doesn't think he'll come over everytime he asks. Maybe ask DH to ask the brother to visit so that there's effort on both sides?
gottabfp Posts: 5641
You need to speak to your dh. Sometimes its easier to let the person closest to you down ie the wife or husband. I did it all the time, if my and hubby had something planned and then a friend rang needing me id let him down. I soon learnt. Maybe he doesnt want to say no to him.
happyfamily Posts: 3323
You need to ask your husband to compromise here. Maybe you could have your BIL over once or twice a week for dinner. At least if he's at your place he'll see how busy you and your husband are with a toddler at home.
kittysue Posts: 1016
The brother does call over sometimes....he's over his marriage believe me.... that whole episode took over 2 years of my life and I almost left DH because of it.... DH just does what he wants when he wants. He says he won't be long or I'll be back shortly..but I've learned that these words actually mean 3 hours.] Should I not say something to the brother.....??? he shouldn't expect DH to drop everything just coz he wants him????
gottabfp Posts: 5641
No i dont think saying anythign to the brother will help. Its your husband that you need to talk too. You say you nearly broke up before becuase of the brothers marraige , obviously your husband knows what he is doing is wrong. I think you need to put your foot down, he is missing time with his wife and child to be with his brother.
happyfamily Posts: 3323
[quote="kittysue":3pewdz3g] Should I not say something to the brother.....??? he shouldn't expect DH to drop everything just coz he wants him????[/quote:3pewdz3g] Oh god no. This would really not be the way i'd go. Your husband and yourself should have good enough communication to work out your own issues in private-if not i'd suggest a session of relationship councelling for an impartial mediator to help ye sort this out. Your OH needs to cop on and just say no to his brother. Maybe the problem is that your OH doesn't say no because he's very happy to go down to his brother for a few hours and leave you with the toddler and the housework. In which case, it wouldn't be your BIL's fault. This is between you and your OH. Your BIL isn't neglecting anyone-your husband is the one in the wrong here for leaving you alone so often, your BIL isn't in the wrong here at all.
kittysue Posts: 1016
Sodapop Posts: 3220
I had something similar with my OH (we weren't married at the time) and it was his best friend who broke up after 8 yr relationship (and their wedding was happening in 6 months) - Well after 2 months of OH and friend being together 24/7 i just about blew my top! I said you'll be in the same boat as your friend if you dont start spending time on our relationship!! it quickly changed things. (He saw him less, the friend got his own life going again - we all hook up rather often but its all together and we all get on really well). also it gets better - your BIL will slowly start to get a routine going again that doesn't include your OH but it takes time- you need to speak with OH and say you dont mind him seeing his brother BUT NOT ALL THE TIME!!!!
too soft Posts: 518
Hey kittyboe,i just seen on your other post you have a BFp congrats and i think u should take a step aback and try and relax not good for you r the baby. In regards to your hubby,u need to sit him down tell him you need to have a chat with him as you dont feel he is puuting enough quality time into your relationship r family, tell him what your ok with i.e 2 r 3 times a week but not every day. he needs to be putting you and the family first. That was very bad to send a text like that.if his brother has a girlfriend why would your hubby be around there all the time invadeing there space surly she gets pissed off iwth that 2. How often do you thgink is reasonable to go down to the brother?