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How to deal with frenemies?

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Bridget Posts: 539
Following on from the jealous much post, I am at a loss as how to deal with insulting people. I have had this problem with girls over the years. There would be one or two in secondary school, college and work. The frenemies would say something insulting to me, implying I was a prude, super organised etc, and would laugh as they were saying it. Then if I said anything insulting back and laughed, there would be a big fight. It seems they can dish it out but they can't take it back. When I would tell people, e.g my mother when I was younger, and now my DH, they would say that I was overly sensitive and that I should take no notice of the 'frenemies'. I am still at a loss as how to deal with people like this, especially at work where you have to be adult and mature about everything. You can't just let rip on the frenemies. This would play right into their hands as it would convince everyone that you are the mad unreasonable person and their sympathies would be with the frenemy. It is easy for DH to say to take no notice, but it can sap your confidence. you find yourself being quiet in groups, afraid to give an opinion in case you are ridiculed.
randomusername Posts: 2134
Outside of work I cut them out or cut them down to size so if I feel they're mocking me I ask them if there's a problem? For instance my sil making remarks about my weight (I'm 40 weeks pregnant) so I said to her very calmly that I could also make comments but I'm not that rude. It shut her up and embarrassed her. I figure if she feels she can humiliate me that I have no issue causing her some discomfort. In work again I avoid these people, I speak to them about work issues and keep all other conversations to a minimum and avoid discussing anything personal. I also take anything they say with a large dose of salt because I figure if these people are sad enough to focus on my "flaws" they need to get themselves a life, the must be very unhappy if they have nothing better to do then examine me and my life. I don't rise to them, I don't respond and I don't offer my opinions to them because they're not worth it. Some people are sad and pathetic and I feel sorry for them and after a while that's the only feeling I have for them, once I remember all that I don't let people that pathetic irritate me. There will also be someone out there willing to put you down but only you can control how they make you feel. Rise above them girl
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