How to put the spice back in??

We've Moved!

Our wonderful discussion forums have now moved to Facebook...

Click to join us in our HIGM ("Help I'm Getting Married") group!

shootingstar Posts: 1340
Hi Girls, Just wondering how we would put the "spice" back in our relationship?? We have been together 8 years, and love each other dearly, but since I got pregnant and had DD our s£x life has been half put on hold, we might do it up to 4 -6 times a month?? Coming from every day, maybe twice a day before we got pregnant? Would love to increase this but dunno how? We are planning to get married next June, but I want us to have a healthy s£x life as well as a healthy relationship! We both said last night in bed that we need to make more of an effort with one another, and that we need to start having date nights every 2 weeks!! But Im looking for suggestions on what to do?? Anyone any tips??
jamjars Posts: 1721
As strange as it may sounds the best bit of advise I can give on this is Time Management! I know it's easier said than done esp with a 1 year old but rushing around trying to squeeze everything in-esp in the evening- can put such a strain on your s£x life... you start feeling pressure to have to have s£x as opposed to having an evening in front of you to relax and enjoy each others "company" so to speak! :o0 Instead of just a date night, you should try a delegate a night or two a week to relaxing with a bottle of wine and an "early" night. Again obv this is easier said than done but it's not like you don't want it... clearly both you and your htb very much want to get back on track so if you can make a bit more time for each other the rest should fall into place- it doesn't sound like you need to spice up your s£x life as much as just make a little more time for each other! Good Luck! :)
Jawl Posts: 8881
I'd say dedicate a night a week once your baby's in bed, where you sit down together and make it 'couple time'. Order a takeaway, it will be one less job for you, and open a bottle of wine. Just relax and take it from there. You both acknowledge it's something you want to work on and needs the effort so designate a night.
cabbagehead Posts: 3899
Hi NM2B, I think you and your partner are great to be discussing this issue up-front and so openly before it becomes a problem. But can I just say, maybe take the pressure off yourselves? 4-6 times a month is pretty good for a couple with a young baby! It's perfectly normal for things to slow down after you have a baby, don't freak out. I sounds like you have a great relationship with a kind supportive partner, you guys will definitely get your groove back in no time. I think date night is a great idea, but don't think you have to do wild amazing special things to put the spice back. I think maybe inject a bit of sensuality - ligt candles to soften the mood, put on some nice music, all of that. I also find that taking a warm bath and changing into someting that makes you feel s£xy can do wonders - put on a skirt instead of jeans, or (eh, make sure the curtains are closed and the heating's on!!) try eating your take-away in your nightie (obv talking sexy nightie, not everyday one from Pennys)! Tried this one date night with my OH, good times!!
Wilma Flintstone Posts: 1262
Wow thats brilliant that you have discussed it and not let it become a huge problem! My ds is 10 so it has never been just us 2 but I have always made sure that we have "grown up time". Even if we can't afford to do much we just watch a movie and go to bed early. Do you watch Desperate Housewives? I remember Lynette was asked how she ever had a s£x life with 4 kids and she said its all about creatitivity - take the chance when you have it and it keeps the spark alive!
Salander Posts: 1639
if your LO takes a nap during the day - have a quickie! it feels kinda naughty but great and its a bit spontaneous! and don't limit yourselves to the bedroom - work that couch! :cool
1