as some of ye know i was a bit aprehensive telling mam that I was preggers well hubbie did it last nite :oops: while i was sitting beside him on the phone she was like oh that great loads of sleepnes nites etc and that was it. Didnt ask to speak to me didnt ask how I was didnt ask when baby was due. I was a bit upset hubbie said dont worry Im sure she will ring you tmrw, its tmrw and she hasnt I just spoke to her on the phone just there to see if dd was gone over to her house and she was like no, i was too busy today and that was it and she hung up, I sat there looking at the receiver, I know if Dad was here he would be thrilled and jumping for joy. You would think she would be a bit excited or somehting I am her only child, but nothing I do is every good enough, going home to buy myself in the duvet and not come out for the rest of the nite she can go to hell as far as I am concerned. Hubbies family were terrific his mam and dad rang me last nite, his aunties from Uk and Canada mailed today but my mother nothing. sorry girls but I am really upset over this . I just wish my daddy was here
Talk tmw :cry:
oh Clio, get your hubbie to give you a big hug...so sorry to hear that..try to take comfort though in the fact that everyone else is deighted for you, and be delighted for yourself. pamper urself loads and try not to dwell on it too much, you'll only get stressed and upset and that won't help you or the baby..
maybe your hubbie could have a chat with your mum, let her known how your feeling?
Ah Clio :(
Why is it we always focus on the negative responses rather than the positive ones?? This is obviously a complicated relationship and I'm sorry to say it may never change but [b:22moo8ls]You[/b:22moo8ls] can change your reactions to this. You need to keep reminding yourself that you have such a precious gift, you have your very own family! A wonderful husband, a daughter that loves you completely unconditionally and a baby on the way that will only bring you joy and happiness. (despite the sleepless nights :wink: )
All these things are what is important and to put a positive spin on your mother's attitude you could look on it as she's showing you exactly what NOT to be like with your own daughter.
Your mother's faults should not be your burdens so try to turn your thoughts around and teach yourself that although she is your mother she is also just a woman who obviously has some intimacy issues but as your a grown up you can now control how they affect your feelings.
Take care Clio
MRS H TO BE
hi clio, i've only read this now as i didnt get a chance to look at the posts today.
firstly just want to say to you that i know exactly where your coming and how you feel. we had the same reaction on our first baby, however, i really thought your mam would have been happy for you both seen as you were settled and married, (i said this in the other post i wrote), i was thinking that maybe your mam was a bit put out that you didnt tell her yourself, that dh told her.perhaps she was a little upset that you felt you couldnt tell her yourself?.
also, as your an only child maybe deep down she's feeling lonely and thinks that she'll be left on her own now that you've your own family to look after. who knows what she's thinking at the minute. maybe you could arrange a family dinner and sit down with her and try to get to the bottom of her reaction to this. it's not good for you to be worrying yourself over this.
i really hope things work out for you clio. you've got a great hubby & daughter already and a new edition on the way will bring you all even closer.
big (((((hugs)))) to you, take care
You take care.
Clio I really don't know what to say. Your mum needs to have her bum slapped for upsetting you at this special time.
Maybe she was upset because your Dad isn't here to be excited about becoming a grandparent again but that still isn't an excuse not to even mention this wonderful news when you phoned her.
Hopefully spending time with your hubbie last night helped you to feel a bit better about this situation.
And remember that just because your Dad isn't on the end of a telephone doesn't mean that he doesn't know that your pregnant. He's probably jumping up and down for joy right now and is keeping an eye on his little girl.
That is terribly disappointing, but bear in mind two things which I think are almost certainly true. 1) Your mam is really happy deep down but is not good at showing it, due to intimacy issues or whatever it may be. 2) She doesn't realise what effect her reaction is having on you at all.
If she has always been this way, then you have obviously learned to respond by not showing disappointment or upset in front of her, and so she truly has no idea that you feel this way.
I think you have to accept that your relationship may always be a bit strained, and your efforts to gain approval from her (as we all do with our parents) may not always be greeted the way you hope. At the same time, you can try to keep things as nice as possible by trying to let some emotion be shown on your side.
Now I'm not blaming you at all as it is perfectly understandable having been raised by her with this attitude, that you have some problems with showing your feelings to her. However if you can start to show your feelings to her then it may thaw her out a little bit. For example the next time you see her, just say something like "so are you not excited about your new grandchild on the way", in a very light-hearted excited way, and let her know how excited you really are yourself. Her response surely won't be what you would really like, but at least you can get the message across that this is how you feel about it, and this is how you would hope she is feeling too. In a way, by not telling her yourself (and i understand totally why you didn't... but...), you were giving a message that you weren't very excited or thrilled, and that gave her full license to be sarcastic and unenthusiastic. It is much more difficult to be like that if you are faced with somebody brimming over with enthusiasm.
Anyway, hth, and remember as the other girls said, you need to concentrate on your new family now, and although she will always be your mother, you won't always be able to please her, and you might never have that relationship you hoped for with her. But you have lots of other great stuff in your life, so keep that in mind and don't let it upset you :D
Thanks girl, dont know why i let her get to me its always been like this. Just missing my dad a lot these days esp since the wedding and now with the new baby. have to pul myself together and get with it. Hubbie said he will hve a word with her this evening about it. he hates to see me like and knew straight away i upset when he came home. but such is life, i dont think she will ever change.
Aw Clio I'm really sorry to hear that about your Mum. Do you think that maybe she would have preferred for you to tell her your great news ? I'm sure she finds it difficult without your Dad also and maybe she was thinking like you, wishing your Dad was here to share this with you.
I hope you're ok, easier said that done I know but try not to let this get in on you, you have a fantastic hubby by the sounds of it and a beautiful little girl. ((((((hugs)))))
Oh clio99 im so sorry for what you are going through.I cant imagine not having a great relationship with your mam as i do.I think you are a very strong person and you have taken a lot from her,theres no explanation for her behaviour and i would have to come straight out with it or id fall out with her forever.
Im sure its very hard being an only child and not feeling the connection between the two of you and missing your dad so much.
Its an emotional time and everything is upsetting you in your head,to ease it i would confront her and have it out.
THis should be such a happy time in any womens life,becoming a mother!
Not being nasty or anything but maybe you have learned alot from her to rare your children in a happier more content manner.
Thinking of you and take care of number 1(well 2) :lol: