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I just need a rant!! - Page 2

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JuliaItaly Posts: 922
Perhaps she would be annoyed if I was actually jealous of her spending time with her child. That's very much not the case. We have a friendship and I have concerns, that doesn't mean those concerns are driven by jealousy. So no Anthony, I am not a grown woman who is jealous of her friend spending time with her tiny little baby but thanks for taking the time to write such a pointless post given you quite obviously didn't read or digest anything I wrote so you could even try and write an informed reply. Well done you. [quote="AnthonyHutton":2du258mm]your friend could be annoyed at you if shes picked up you are jealous of her spending all her time with her 6 month old babay[/quote:2du258mm]
AnthonyHutton Posts: 2235
well.. i dont like to take sides... as you know.. but i take your friends side
JuliaItaly Posts: 922
Do you really think I know anything about whether you take sides or not. Last time I checked it was a free country to have an opinion, so you are welcome to yours. [quote="AnthonyHutton":ywd1v6s4]well.. i dont like to take sides... as you know.. but i take your friends side[/quote:ywd1v6s4]
AnthonyHutton Posts: 2235
look.. all im saying is.. i think you need to look introspectively on this one. based on your posts i think you are being unreasonable and, if i'm being straight with you, slightly petulant concerning the christening affair. i dont know you.. or anything about you. so all i can do is call it as i see it. i'm just playing devils advocate
Trillian Posts: 1685
Sorry but I think you are being silly. She has a very small baby! They take up a lot if not all of your time and a grown woman feeling left out is not a new Mum's priority. It's nice if you can make time for friends but you have no idea what her energy levels are like, how she feels about leaving her baby - afraid you need to get over it. Is she breastfeeding? Maybe the small amount of time she'll have to herself is dedicated to snoozing on the couch? As for the christening - so her OH's friend was there. Is it like a balanced top table then - he has a friend so she should have a friend? Afraid you have to toughen up a bit - her life has changed dramatically, you've done nothing wrong and feel hurt, but what do you expect from her now?
JuliaItaly Posts: 922
I would be petulant if I made a big deal about the christening, I let it go, I was hurt but I've not jumped up and down about it. I don't think I am being unreasonable at all, I am bothered it's that simple. I think I have looked at it very much from my friends side and I'm giving her the benefit of the doubt but I'd be lying if I said I wasn't bothered by it, hence the rant. Like I said, I don't pretend to know what this time is like for a new mother and I am letting it go as I don't want to jump up and down about it as it's early days for my friend. [quote="AnthonyHutton":m8rn311h]look.. all im saying is.. i think you need to look introspectively on this one. based on your posts i think you are being unreasonable and, if i'm being straight with you, slightly petulant concerning the christening affair. i dont know you.. or anything about you. so all i can do is call it as i see it. i'm just playing devils advocate[/quote:m8rn311h]
JuliaItaly Posts: 922
You are entitled to say I'm being silly, I disagree, I'm not a silly person, I would be very level headed and it's taken a lot for me to feel like this. I understand that her life is busy. I expect nothing from her, I'm not a high maintenance friend at all however our friendship is effectively gone. I've repeated this over and over, I've not said or done anything about this, I needed to get it off my chest and I have said repeatedly that I understand and I am giving her the benefit of the doubt. If you think it's as simple as me throwing my toys out of the cot because of not being invited to a christening, it's not. I didn't mind not being there, it was the lack of thought on even saying what was going on. Her husbands friend was her bestman, I was her matron of honour, I happen to think she could have told me what the situation was with the christening even if I wasn't invited. But that's just me. [quote="Trillian":109hv709]Sorry but I think you are being silly. She has a very small baby! They take up a lot if not all of your time and a grown woman feeling left out is not a new Mum's priority. It's nice if you can make time for friends but you have no idea what her energy levels are like, how she feels about leaving her baby - afraid you need to get over it. Is she breastfeeding? Maybe the small amount of time she'll have to herself is dedicated to snoozing on the couch? As for the christening - so her OH's friend was there. Is it like a balanced top table then - he has a friend so she should have a friend? Afraid you have to toughen up a bit - her life has changed dramatically, you've done nothing wrong and feel hurt, but what do you expect from her now?[/quote:109hv709]
soulful Posts: 1697
Peoples lives change when they have babies, more than you would expect - everything becomes about the baby. You are just going to have to deal with it until she decides to come back to you. She is just in baby mode at the moment O:o)
JuliaItaly Posts: 922
Yes you are right and I get that. I just get bothered from time to time, I'm only human and I think it's normal I care and miss my friend. But as someone else said, I probably need to toughen up, this stuff happens, it just hadn't happened to someone that close to me. [quote="astro-girl":30z505nl]Peoples lives change when they have babies, more than you would expect - everything becomes about the baby. You are just going to have to deal with it until she decides to come back to you. She is just in baby mode at the moment O:o)[/quote:30z505nl]
Roxanne Posts: 3201
I think people are being a bit hard on you JuliaItalia - I've been at both ends of this behaviour (almost!) and it's never easy. The fact is your friendships will change when people start having babies. The friend without kids can't possibly understand the life of her friend with kids, no matter how she tries - and the friend with kids seems to forget over night what it was like before. I was invited for dinner with an old friend about a year ago, we've known each other all our lives but had fallen out of touch a little due to both of us moving countires etc. So I was delighted to catch up. He DP was away (he's away a lot with his work) and her two year old was up when I arrived. And was still up when I left at eleven thirty. In the course of the night it became apparent that this child was her whole world, and good luck to her - but when I ended up eating dinner by myself at the table, while she ate hers sitting on the floor across the room, simultaniously drawing tractors, because that was what her little boy told her to do, I really wondered why I had bothered coming out at all. And I knew if she asked me to come again that I would be busy. I know that sounds harsh, but we genuinely didn't exchange two consecutive words of conversation the whole evening, and she didn't seem to have any problem with this. To me, this wasn't keeping up a friendship - I might as well not have been there. On the other hand, I am due my first baby any day now, and I find I just can't think of anything else. Already I know that as soon as this little person enters my life, I won't want anyone else except him and DH in it for a good while. Quite aside from the difficulty and logistics involved in raising a baby, I do find that my interest in everyone and everything else has waned. Is suppose this is an evolutionary thing, to ensure the baby is my first priority until he is a bit more robust. My friends have always been hugely important to me, but there is a good chance they will take a back seat for a while until I get used to this. But I think a good friend will still be there a the other end of it all. So I suppose all I'm saying is not to expect too much of her for a while. Try to encourage her to get out for a coffee on her own once in a while, but cut her some slack when she is consumed by the baby (I agree, this is maddening, but it's just the way it is). As for the christening, I'd let that go - they're worse than weddings as far as the politics involved. But I think what you are feeling is completely normal, and as you say you're only human. You are perfectly entitled to let off steam about this. Try to keep some lines of communication open though, as she will probably calm down in time, and you will most likely get your friend back. :wv