Is there any need to conceal a pregnancy?

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Hbombadero Posts: 1960
Just an open question. I see a lot of hullabaloo about women in early pregnancy being seen not drinking, my own sister used to get soda and lime so it looked like a vodka. I don't get this. Like many I will wait until after our 12 week scan before I "announce" the news but in the interim I have no intention of engaging in subterfuge. I won't drink. Simples. Anything more seems like drama to me. I understand that due to the risk of miscarriage that time is let pass before the pregnancy is announced but that doesn't mean a pregnancy has to be actively concealed to ward off bad luck! I can't imagine anyone I know asking if I'm pregnant as I order a Ballygowan. The only time I'd actively conceal it is if I was due for promotion in work or something. Any thoughts?
Bonnie Parker Posts: 2670
Thoughts are - most people talking about physically concealing a pregnancy in the early days, are not visibly pregnant in the first place. I have seen posts on here where we are talking about people who just peed on the stick, all this it's so obvious is just rubbish. It's easy to conceal a pregnancy up to 12 weeks if you want to. you would't be showing on the first and can conceal on the second. As for the not drinking and that, I think people are better off just saying they're not drinking etc, and letting people draw their own conclusions. Who cares. Very few people will actually ask if you are pregnant.
pinkframe Posts: 628
I used to wonder this too. Then I had a miscarriage at 7 weeks & I just felt so much better that so few people knew I was pregnant. I felt so vulnerable & lonely...I jus couldn't handle people's sympathy, some people might be the opposite & need the support but I jus wanted to get on with things & back to normal & don't think I would have been able for people treating me any differently? I told 1 girl where I work as I needed to leave early & my boss wasn't there...to this day I can't quite look her in the eye. Now 1 thing I just cannot fathom is people who seem to take genuine enjoyment out of 'guessing' someone is pregnant & trying to 'catch' them out! What is that about? I used think it was an urban myth until I experienced it first hand myself a few times on my first baby. Was all in a pub based environment when I ordered a soft drink, granted I like a drink but was still pretty amazed. Like even if I copped someone was pregnant but was trying to not let on, I'd play along with them! They have their reasons for keeping it to themselves & I respect that...what gets on my wick is when ye order a 7up & ye get the 'oh, eh, oh, nudge nudge' irritates me no end! I feel like saying 'no, I'm actually on anti biotics for an STD, himself had a fling with a Trollop, men eh?!' Or sthg else deeply inappropriate just to see the reaction!
Flower Girl Posts: 1645
For me it wasn't about warding off bad luck; it was simply that if I were to miscarry, I didn't want to have to tell anyone. So I didn't really care if anyone guessed, as long as they didn't ask me. People do, unfortunately, play the 'trying to catch you out' game, it's a total pain.
NittyGritty Posts: 1605
Depends on the situation. If I was out with my very good mates and ordered a Ballygowan they'd ask me straight out if I was pregnant. Nosy cows. But that's the kind of relationship we have. Probably says more about me than them as I'd never normally order a Ballygowan on a big night out. Would you when out with your friends? And while there might be no need, as such, to conceal a pregnancy, I didn't want to tell anyone until I was well past the first trimester. So, my choices there were a) engage in tonic disguised as a G&T skullduggery (impossible in rounds), b) lie when asked if I was up the duff or c) avoid big nights out. I went with the latter. Easier all round. Now, when it comes to weddings or work dos and the like, I think there's far too much of a song and dance made about it. Like, who really notices or gives a [email protected] what others are drinking at these occasions? Not me for one. All the more gratis vino at the table for mise. Pregnant women in hiding, come hither and sit with me. I'll take one for the team and down your allocated half bottle of wine per person so as no-one notices. You're wery velcome. Congrats, Hbomb.
starting over Posts: 62
I never wanted to conceal a pregnancy to ward off bad luck but people do have their reasons for wanting to wait before announcing it. Some feel it makes the pregnancy shorter the longer you keep it to yourself. Personally this time around I have older kids who I didn't want to tell until the risk of miscarriage was lower. I certainly didn't want work colleagues or people in my small local town knowing incase my children found out before I told them. And I don't agree that it's easy to conceal. I found it hard to hide my obvious increase in boob size and my pot belly from very early on. I had to tell my mother at 7 weeks because it was summer time and couldn't hide behind big jumpers. I was out of my own jeans by 8 or 9 weeks. Just the way this pregnancy went. I ballooned immediately with bloat. With number two I didn't have to tell anyone until I was 18 weeks.
starting over Posts: 62
I never wanted to conceal a pregnancy to ward off bad luck but people do have their reasons for wanting to wait before announcing it. Some feel it makes the pregnancy shorter the longer you keep it to yourself. Personally this time around I have older kids who I didn't want to tell until the risk of miscarriage was lower. I certainly didn't want work colleagues or people in my small local town knowing incase my children found out before I told them. And I don't agree that it's easy to conceal. I found it hard to hide my obvious increase in boob size and my pot belly from very early on. I had to tell my mother at 7 weeks because it was summer time and couldn't hide behind big jumpers. I was out of my own jeans by 8 or 9 weeks. Just the way this pregnancy went. I ballooned immediately with bloat. With number two I didn't have to tell anyone until I was 18 weeks.
pinkerbelle10 Posts: 705
[quote="pinkframe"]I used to wonder this too. Then I had a miscarriage at 7 weeks & I just felt so much better that so few people knew I was pregnant. I felt so vulnerable & lonely...I jus couldn't handle people's sympathy, some people might be the opposite & need the support but I jus wanted to get on with things & back to normal & don't think I would have been able for people treating me any differently? I told 1 girl where I work as I needed to leave early & my boss wasn't there...to this day I can't quite look her in the eye. quote] + on this. I didn't really understand people wanting to conceal a pregnancy until I was actually pregnant myself and realized how worrisome the first few months are. We didn't actually tell anyone I was pregnant with DS until I was 17 weeks. And yes, I did have to do a bit of concealing. I very rarely drink though so that wasn't a problem. Just hiding my belly was a bit of challenge. We knew we were having a scan at 17 weeks and wanted to wait until then as we would feel more relaxed. On second pregnancy, I had a mc at 7 weeks and I completely identify with what PinkFrame said - I just couldn't bear people knowing - particularly because some of the 'helpful' comments were actually very hurtful. Since then though I have been quite open about the fact that I had a mc. I think that people don't talk about mc enough. On this pregnancy, I was so terribly scared that I was going to have another mc that I was petrified to even believe I was pregnant myself let alone tell anyone. We told my mother and dh mother early though as I knew I would need their support if I had another mc. But we didn't tell anyone else until I was about 14 weeks pregnant and to be honest if I could have left it longer I would have. So my reasons for 'concealing' (for want of a better word) pregnancy were because I was so scared something would go wrong. Once I got to a point where I relaxed a bit I was delighted to tell everyone and soo soo proud of my belly! I think people are entitled to announce their pregnancy whenever they see fit - be it early or later on - as they have to do what is right for them. But, I know that I didn't really understand that until I was in the situation myself.
jdurso Posts: 351
It's an interesting question Hbomb - just to give you my thoughts, I had 2 miscarriages before I conceived my son eventually with the use of Clomid - we told all immediate and actually not so immediate family at 5 weeks - my Mum was freaking out telling me it was too early to tell anyone etc but the way I saw was that if I miscarried at least people would know and I wouldn't be going through another private pain. There are cultural issues at play here too I feel, I live in Brazil now and the vast majority of people announce their pregnancies to the world as soon as they pee on a stick - this seemed nuts to me at first but I understand it now, they just have an unwavering faith things will work out for a start and they know that in they will have a lot of support should anything go wrong. I guess we think in Ireland that when you hit 12 weeks everything is magically going to be fine, this is not always the case either - you can contnue to put timeframes on baby being ok until it's born - perhaps it's better to do it sooner than later. My SIL had a mmc recently and we knew she was pregnant since the poas and it was good to be able to give her much-needed support and help her through her grief and be sensitive to her- if she was Irish I probably wouldn't have known she was pregnant at all. Do whatever you feel is right and many congratulations to you also, I wish you a very happy and healthy 9 + months - your baby has already performed a miracle! Edited just to add I didn't tell work until I was 26 weeks pregnant - I got a 12 month contract when I was 11 weeks pregnant having been out of work so I took it - they were miffed to begin with but very supportive afterwards and even offered me a full-time role when my mat leave ended
Plus1makes4 Posts: 721
Interesting topic... I just wanted to add people do ask you straight out if your pg, I'm only 8-9 weeks on my second and have obvious pot belly, a girl I barely know in work asked me straight out!! I don't want to tell people until 11 weeks as that's when I have my first app in Rotunda. I suppose I'm trying to hide or conceal so I don't get asked again. Not going to Xmas party coz come 7-8pm I'm kind of green and exhausted plus being around drunk colleagues is tough!!! Did it in my 1st and couldn't wait to get home! Maybe I should tell as I'm going to wrecked tmw, have slight insomnia and thought I'd read a bit if WOL, 45 mins later and I'm here typing away!!! Lol Best of luck to you :)