Is there such a thing as being ready?

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bride. Posts: 3014
I have Endometriosis and have been advised that the best thing I can do for it is have a baby. Having babies is something that everyone brings up quite a lot since I got married and people generally impress the point upon me that the longer I put off having babies the less likely I am to be able to have them at all. Myself and dh are in well paying jobs but mine is not stable. I'm really finding it hard to know what to do. I would be devestated not to be able to have children but I am only 25 and I'm not sure I'm ready. Maybe I'll never know if I'm ready though. Are there any opinions out there about whether 25 is too young or if having babies young is actually a better idea? Any advice will be taken on board!
swissgirl Posts: 2301
I can honestly say there are many people who never "feel ready". I definitely didnt feel ready when we but am I glad now we started when we did! To be honest, I kind of finding myself wishing Id started when I was much younger (though I hadnt met the right person yet so its a bit silly). There is so much +ves to being a "young mum". You have loads of energy to look after your kids much more so than those of us in our 30s and when your child is 25 you are only 50 which is not old. So there are so many +ves. Though I know its daunting. Have you spoken to your DH about how you are feeling?
Tigletts Posts: 2904
Personally I think it is young to be honest, but that's just my opinion. If you're only recently married I'd rather spend some time just as a couple, do things together, parties, travel etc.... even for another year. I'm 42, I didn't intentionally wait until this age to have a baby, I just met the man of my life late. However I don't regret not having kids younger. I can now safely say that I've done my travelling, late night parties and all that and I'm quite willing to look after a baby now, not that it's still doesn't scare me! I don't feel I have less energy than when I was in my late 20s, I still feel young, jeez I'm not over the hill yet! However, on the down side you never know if you'll have problems TTC as the years go by. So that is something to consider. At the end of the day though it is you and your DHs decision, don't let anyone pressure you into it just cause you're married and the next step is babies. Good luck HTH
Hepburn Posts: 4081
I think you know when you are ready Bride. That is the best advice I can give you. You are very young so even if you left it for a few years, or more even, you would still be young if you encountered any problems. Don't feel pressured by anyone elses opinion. Talk to your husband about it.
Hepburn Posts: 4081
Just wanted to add, in answer to the title of your thread, I do think there is such a thing as being ready but no such thing as the "perfect time". By that I mean you will know when you are ready to devote that much time, love and care to a little human being but that doesn't mean that every aspect of you life will fall into place to accomodate your feelings. We didn't let that stop us though....
luigi Posts: 867
Hiya, I agree with others that there is never actually a 'perfect time' also I dont think 25 is old at all, I think its perfect. Im 24 with a 6 month old. Like you myself and my partner are in good, well paid jobs. I could have gone on and forged my career- those who dont have children say i'm crazy and that i'm wasting my degree but personally I dont see it that way at all. If I had waited to get to the top of the ladder i'd have been at least over 35 and with a few worries about irregular periods etc... children were a high priority to me and we didnt want to leave it too late and maybe never have children. Im young enough to pick up my career, but my son means more to me now than it and Id have regretted leaving it too late. My aunt had a baby two months before me at 38 and she's finding her lack of energy a problem with this one- she had her first child in her 20s so she sees a huge difference. I think younger is better personally and hope to have my family complete by 35. Its totally your decision though and dont feel pressurised by anyone elses opinions.
SparklyC Posts: 1766
I dont think there is ever best time or a "ready or right time" TBH. I have been ready (in my mind) for the last few years but financially and generally the two of us as a couple werent ! (we have to have fertility treatment and knew that we would since we met) - I am old fashioned and wanted to be married before I had a child and we are now married 15 months and are starting our treatment very soon. (waiting to be referred at the moment). We would have started straight after the wedding but we knew we were moving to UK and wanted to wait to start the treatment over here so we are together since I was 28 and was ready then but am now 33 and hoping that there isnt going to be any problems my end as well !! In saying all of that, my little sis had her DD at 18 and she is 7 now - they are the best of pals and she DEFINITELY wasnt ready when she got pregnant!! I envy her having had a child young as there wont be much between them in ages as the years go on and it will be nice for them.
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