We had our first scan last week and are just over the 12 wk mark now. I had to tell HR in work as had been out sick randomly with MS and felt it was only fair to let them know. I also told another colleague whom I work with everyday as we had a client drinks reception 2 wks ago - before the scan - and I knew it would be difficult to hide the fact I wasn't drinking. Both of these people have been great and are delighted for me/us.
The problem is with another girl at work who is literally harrassing me into telling her I'm pregnant when I dont want anyone else in work to know yet, my own parents dont even know - we had planned to tell them last w'end after the scan but they couldn't make it due to weather and so are coming tomorrow hopefully.
Anyway, 2 wks ago at the client reception this girl got blotto and made a holy show of herself in front of her boss and senior management. Towards the end of the evening she literally cornered me and told me to 'fess up' and admit I was 'up the duff'. I knew she was drunk but was still quite shocked she'd have the stupidity to say something to me. This girl is married same length of time as myself and is in her early 30's so I would think she'd have the cop on not to ask someone outright about such a sensitive subject. Personally, someone could have steadily grown to be the size of a house and I still wouldn't ask them if they were pregnant, I'd wait until they told me, no matter how obvious. Anyway, I just replied to her that if I was why would I tell her and also asked her why she was asking, did I look like I was. Of course then she was, no of course not you look fabulous, but kept going on what was I waiting for and it's time now, you're married over a year etc etc. I was annoyed but put it down to her being so drunk and assumed my reaction should have shut her up and that she wouldn't broach the subject again.
Roll on last night and our work Christmas party. We do KK in the office with a few drinks before heading out to dinner. I organise the evening and try to co-ordinate everyone so whilst I always have a few glasses of champers, I never get that hammered and as it's a small company (30) am always conscious of not making a tit of myself in front of senior management. So, I had a glass of champagne in front of me last night and a bottle of sparkling water, I took a few sips of the champagne but didn't really want it and kept filling up on the water. As we were leaving the office about an hour later, this girl says to me in front of colleague that knows, did you enjoy the champagne Frabmboise and I said yes it was lovely. Then v sneerily she says you didnt drink very much of it, I had 3 glasses for your half a glass, so I said well I was pacing myself, the night was young and I'd learnt my lesson from my colleagues downfall (ie herself) the previous week. My other colleague then kindly changed the subject as I was left wondering what this girl's problem is and why is she watching me and feels it so necessary to comment on my drinking habits.
Unfortunately over dinner, I was sitting opposit this girl again - I had actually done the seating plan and hadn't copped but didnt think she'd still be giving me a hard time. So she continues to get sloshed again and starts doing the Robert de Niro I'm watching you thing from Meet the Fockers accross the table at me and going on about how she knows my game etc. Lunatic.
I moved seats after dinner and she had to be put in a cab after trying to feed one of her bosses from her plate and falling asleep on another one, all by 10pm. But clearly not before she'd been talking to one of her mates about me, whom as I was leaving came up and said oh have you finished pretending to drink champagne for the night when you're really drinking water! I lost the plot a bit with him as I was tired and v annoyed as I knew she'd be stirring it with him, I just asked him why was it any of his business what I did or didnt drink and what was his problem spying on me. I left then and was fuming all the way home.
She's been fairly sheepish with me today but still pretending all is fine whereas I really want to confront her and ask her to stop making comments about my drinking to me and other people that it was starting to really annoy me and leave it at that.
Reading over this it sounds so childish and that is how she is behaving but I dont know why she is being so nasty to me about it all - surely it should be my choice as to when and whom I tell about this pregnancy and I shouldn't be forced into a confession from a stupid girl who should know better!
Has anyone else had to deal with such a spanner?
Wow - what a plank!!!!
First of all she has zero professional etiquette! Secondly it sounds like she might be jealous. Do you reckon they have been trying unsuccessfully? I know the one's who I got the most funny looks from on my last were girls that I knew through the grapevine were trying to get knocked up themselves. But in fairness while they commented amongst themselves they certainly didn't approach me or I would have wiped the floor with them!
I'd be fuming too!
Wow I'm actually so mad on your behalf. I can't believe that someone would carry on like that. I'd love to think I'd have gone through her for a shortcut but realistically I hate confrontation so would probably just vent here too but I really think you need to say something to her! I'd be telling her that she's a disgrace and should be more concerned about the image she portrays at STAFF & CLIENT events than she is about your personal life.
Can't believe that someone would get that drunk at a client do/work party. Even if it is a party and a chance to have a good time it's still work until the bosses go home at least!
Framboise, people like this, especially women, bug the hell out of me! Ive worked with plenty of them over the years!
I wouldnt give her the time of day if i were you. Personally it seems like shes a bit OBSESSED with your life and business - can she not get a life of her own??!!
Its mad how she spent the evening watching what you were drinking etc, i wouldnt be able to tell you what anyone else drinks around me if im out in a group.
Personally, if she keeps on going on about it, id tell her were to go and mind her own business!! If she has any sense at all she'd know why most women dont like saying anything too early.
Just make sure that when you do decide to tell people in work, that you have a good answer ready for her when she starts with the... oh i knew it, etc, etc!!!!!!!
(ahhhh feel much better! Im 4 days overdue today and im like a divil!!!!
OP, I just can't get over her insensitivity. I'd say they were tough nights alright!
I have a friend like this who asks all of us girls in front of people if we're pregnant when we dont rush to the bar the minute we arrive in the Pub, or drive to something. It's infuriating. I didnt tell her I was pregnant for 13 weeks, as I had been avoiding boozy nights out with her for that reason, and she has been in a snot over it ever since. Even though we didnt tell anyone else in that time either. Some people are just rude about this sort of stuff, but I'd be raging if I, like you, had to deal with that at work.
I'm angry on your behalf, framboise! You've handled it extremely well.
What I would do is when you do tell the rest of your colleagues at work that you're pregnant, I would make a point of speaking to this woman alone.
I'd tell her that she made you feel very uncomfortable with her constant questioning and scrutiny of you and that you really wanted to keep your news private until such time as you were ready to tell people.
If nothing else it might stop her carrying on like that with some other unfortunate girl in the future!
I can understand why you are pi$$ed off but she probably doesn't have a clue how inappropriate she is being. I doubt she is jealous etc as if she had been trying herself she would know that this is a no go area no matter how obvious (eg size of a house) it is. She's probably just mad for the gossip and dying to be told that her super detective skills are spot on. It's a pain but I doubt there is any malice in it (of couse I don't know her only you would know if she is generally a real spiteful b1tch). She just hasn't got a clue. She'll learn when she is going through it herself and she'll be morto. A distant friend did this to me too when I was pg. She hounded me and made me feel awkward, it's bad enough having to pretend without having to tell an out and out lie. Since having DD she has apologised to me. It seems she did the same to someone else only to be told that this other girl had been trying for a baby for yrs and then had a mc.
I was forever asking my boyfriends SIL when was she going to have kids etc, like every time I saw her (which wasn't that often). It was just something to say to her more than anything. It was only when I got older and married myself that I realised no 1. she could have been trying for years unsuccessfully and no 2. that it's nobody's business when/if you decide to have a family. I apologised profusley and never brought it up again. Thankfully she hadn't been trying so I wasn't upsetting her but I probably was really annoying her. I never ask anymore and never will. However, when at work functions etc I do keep an eye out for anyone acting out of character i.e. not getting bladdered. I never say a word to the person in question but love the guessing game - am I right/wrong etc.
I think she is way out of line.
You have every right to be annoyed.
But it sounds very much like she is self destructive.
On a work perspective, well it looks like she is writing the end to her story bless her.
And with regards you been pg, it very much sounds like she is very very aware of what you are doing, acting, drinking, etc. I would freely admit i wouldnt have been in the least bit aware of anyone pregnant, not drinking, ms or anything remotely concerned with the ttc/pregnancy journey until i started it myself.
I would leave her shi*ty actions with her, she obviously has a lot going on and will have a lot of consequences from her behaviour to deal with.
There are always going to be peolpe who are there to burst our bubble for whatever reason, sometimes out of jealously which to me very much sounds like the case here.
If she starts affecting your professional life and work experience well then you take it to your manager. But other than that this is your pregnancy, your baby, your time, so dont let her take that away from you.
You are going through such a fabulous time at the moment so if i were you i'd focus on that.
Telling your parents will be fabulous, congrats on your pregnancy,
she's defo jealous!
what an idiot! she must have very little going on in her life if she has that much energy to focus on you and your drinking or lack thereof! don't let her take the shine off your joy and telling your parents. and i wouldn't even bother telling her - and if she goes on about how she knew the whole time - you very quietly say well there is such a thing as discretion. i wonder is she one of those people who literally go mad if someone else might get attention. i worked with a girl once who went ape at one of the guys because he looked at me (not in a bad way or anything just making eye contact!) while we were speaking to each other - apparently he wasn't to look at anyone but her - nutjob!