Judgement for ceremony choice

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cuban Posts: 23
Hi guys, just wondering if anyone else experiences this or am I being sensitive. After a lot of consideration, my OH and I have decided to have a church wedding in keeping with my parents' beliefs and traditions, even though he is not practicing at all and I rarely go to Mass. We had thought about having a spiritual ceremony in our venue instead but decided it would mean a bit more to our families to have it in the church. Maybe it's just because I work in a pretty liberal, creative type job and have fairly liberal friends but I feel really judged when I say I'm having a church wedding....I'm sure people felt this back in the day when they had a civil ceremony! Has anyone else experienced the 'oh really? in a church?' moment? Or people saying 'I wouldn't go near a church' or bringing up the church's views on same sex marriage/women/abortion/etc! Coz this has happened to me!
Hel Bullock Posts: 61
Couldn't read and run. The CHEEK of them!!! We've had it with our civil ceremony. Seems our friends are more traditional than us. But I didn't judge them for the churchy stuff. I say tell them very bluntly it's your call and you and your OH and families are all very excited about it! I'm not sure I'm much help though, I've just been really blunt about it all! Hel
20thMay2017 Posts: 153
I think you will find this with every decision that you make that the people who don't agree will be very vocal. We had it when we said we were going with a humanist ceremony and a few other decisions that we have made and so now I've decided to stop telling people any of the details and just let them wait & see. It is your day and only you & your OH have to happy with your decisions so everyone else can just shut the hell up!! As long as you are happy that is all you need O:o)
BuzzyBee92 Posts: 142
Well at the end of the day it's your decision and nobody has the right to judge you. Even if they do judge, don't let them impact on what you really want. I'm having a church wedding because it's My Church, I'm a committed and regular member so anywhere else just wouldn't feel right. That being said I've had one or two people tell me how they'll probably burst into flames as soon as they walk in one being a bridesmaid) You've chosen out of respect of your parents and I'm sure the Church you've selected is beautiful too!Key points are that you legally get married to your OH and that the two of you have a wonderful day celebrating your union. Hope all goes well and that the more vocal doom sayers pipe down so you can savour this time x
crazycatlady15 Posts: 149
When it comes to weddings, there'll always be plenty of people ready to pop in with their opinions. At the end of the day, this wedding is about what you want to do as a couple. It's your day. I think it's lovely that, despite your own attitudes to the church, you're doing this for your families. Don't mind what anyone else thinks; when it's their turn they can do what they like!!! I'm getting married in a Catholic church - I was born a Catholic and reared as one. I may not be the most diligent massgoer but I don't define my religious beliefs about what I do for an hour on a Sunday. And while I [b:2vnve2t5]certainly [/b:2vnve2t5]don't agree with their stance on abortion, same sex marriage etc, that's not (for me) the be-all and end-all about being raised in this religion and it doesn't define who I am as a person. Himself has no religious inklings and is doing this for me. :heartbeat: Enjoy the planning x
cuban Posts: 23
Thanks guys - crazycatlady15 I'm pretty much the same as you! There are many elements of the church teachings I don't agree with myself too but it's really disconcerting how people feel the need to bring them up when you say you're having your wedding there! People are mad :)
Nikki Kavanagh
crazycatlady15 Posts: 149
It's mad!! So many people I know think that they're great for going to mass every sunday, but their behaviour towards others outside of that sunday hour is anything but catholic / christian and the hypocrisy of it is completely alien to them. But go past all the sh*te to it's core - love, freedom, truth, conscience - and I certainly don't have a problem with it. Do what you want to do and [u:p3q2kmru]enjoy every minute[/u:p3q2kmru]. I can't wait for our wedding ceremony. Meeting the singer tomorrow evening to talk about the music. :-)
Sunshine_30 Posts: 89
Just stumbled across this post. It's obviously really rude for anyone to comment on where your are having your ceremony (I do think people are really angry with the church in general however it doesn't excuse them commenting on your day) and I really don't want to come across horrible but I just want to put a different perspective out there, do you think maybe your taking people's comments more sensitively because as you say, your not a very religious couple but yet your having a religious ceremony for your family? Would it be more suitable for you guys to do the ceremony as per your beliefs as after all that's what marriage is about and your vows should be maybe in a setting you both strongly believe in? Again, I don't want to come across horrible, I'm just putting a different spin on it.
cuban Posts: 23
Hi Sunshine, for some reason I never saw this reply! Oh trust me I've thought a lot about that! We are having the wedding ceremony in the church without a full mass....a lot of people don't seem to know you can do this. It's kind of our compromise. And our priest has told us that we can personalise the vows and readings a lot to keep it meaningful to us! But it's still a CAtholic wedding ceremony.