just having a rant/any other farmer wifes out there??

We've Moved!

Our wonderful discussion forums have now moved to Facebook...

Click to join us in our HIGM ("Help I'm Getting Married") group!

coolkeevs Posts: 483
im just fed up with farming! technically hubby aint even a farmer, but his dad is, does the whole unsociable hours and all that jazz cause many arguments with u and ur OH? i just wish his dad wud sell up and be done with it all, its too time consuming and ultimately doesnt earn enough money. any other desperate housewifes that can offer some advice??
tassajara Posts: 723
I can't offer any advice but I can offer my sympathy. My dad is a dairy farmer, and I grew up with him always being away on the farm and with my poor mum stressing about bills. Looking back, it must have been so tough for them. We never went on holidays together as a family, and I can only ever remember my parents heading away once for a night away on their anniversary. Hopefully he'll be selling up soon. My dad is nearly 60 and he's still working away like a trooper, but he's finally started to take some breaks when the cows are dry. My mum managed to get him on a plane for the first time at Christmas to visit my sister in London, and they went to Belfast when my mum was off during the school midterms. Even now, I'm trying to set up a dinner/ meetup between my parents and the H2B's parents during the summer and have been told straight out that it might be difficult because my dad will be milking during the summer. I wonder what will happen for my wedding sometimes with my dad milking! /end culchie rant
kittycatt24 Posts: 1322
Coolkeves with dairy farming there is difficulties with cows calving that are unpredictable and unfortunately plans change and expensive livestock have to take priority!! O:|
caramelsquare Posts: 866
Coolkeeves, it sounds like yourself and Tassajara's farming experience is based on the farmer in question. I don't mean to criticise either of your families, but a lot of that is down to the mentality of the farmer. I can only imagine the frustration though. It is possible for farmers to take breaks and not be literally tied to the land - like in Kittycatt24's experience. That sounds way more sustainable. Of course plans might change but when you are self employed and running a business then that is to be expected. At the same time it is possible to get away from it all every now and again. Deleted too!
Elizabeth Bennett Posts: 682
Sorry needed to edit this just in case someone recognised me. Felt good to write it down for 2 mins though. O:o)
tassajara Posts: 723
[quote="broodymissus":3um1l59k]Coolkeeves, it sounds like yourself and Tassajara's farming experience is based on the farmer in question. I don't mean to criticise either of your families, but a lot of that is down to the mentality of the farmer. I can only imagine the frustration though.[/quote:3um1l59k] Oh definitely, no offence or anything taken. I know my experience is from an older generation of farmers as well so it is no way reflects on the younger generation of farmers. For my dad, I think a lot of it stems from him been taken out of school so early to work on the farm and it being his whole life for so long until he met my mom.
kittycatt24 Posts: 1322
! My h2b is much more business and technology orientated and v pro active in how he can better his business where as I feel my dad just plods along making end meet! Perhaps ye all need to sit down and structure the routine and running a bit better! Think the best way is to be supportive than resistive, as farming can be a tough physical tiring job! Best of luck
trance Posts: 3129
My husband is a farmer, but we still manage holidays, weekends away (although not much recently due to financial constraints), it's a dry-stock farm (it still makes me chuckle that I know such a thing, was in London last weekend where I'm from and an Irish relative said to me 'twas far from dry-schtock ye were raised') and I know it's more time consuming if it's a dairy farm. HImself usually has a day job as well but has been farming full time for the last year or so, not because we're so rich from farming sadly but because there are no day jobs in what he can do. Yes it can be a pain in the jacksy, certain times of year, like now, when the ewes are lambing and the cows are calving and he's getting up in the middle of the night to check on them, but after this busy period I find it sort of ticks along, we have had arguments in the past about it but I've now realised and learned to accept that the farm is our main (and currently only) source of income so it has to come first, that's the reality. And yes, financial worries too, I'd love to meet the numpty who started the rumour that all farmers are rich and 'how many acres have ye? Oh jaysus sure ye're millionaires!!'
Tweeti Posts: 58
I hear ya. It definitely depends on the farmer. hubby farms has dry stock and does contracting work in summer. Hubbys family would be all work live and breathe the farm. My dad also farms but my parents always took their weekend breaks had holidays etc and hired in help during busy periods. myself and hubby have had few arguments over his work, especially in summer drives me nuts when he is busy till all hours cutting crops to beat the rain etc I hardly see him :o( I think its all about compromise though we do go on holidays at a time when things are quite usually late sept. and have our nights out etc I think breaks and hols are so important as he does work very hard, the way i see it you have to have a life too.. Farming is a way of life you would have to love it to do it its not everyones lifestyle. I see it as a business and it can be quite profitable( with a lot of hard work) oh now your never going to be rich, but it pays our bills keeps food on the table and keeps roof over our heads.One good thing you are your own boss and cant be sacked :o0 Some one mentioned tax credits hubby takes mine as he earns more than me.
coolkeevs Posts: 483
thanks for the replies ladies, i did feel much better for writing about it! hubby called at 9pm and took me out to tea,guilty conscience i guess cause sundays are our days together, and surprise surprise he was at the farm. we did have a chat though and both are the better for airing our grievances< not that it will change anoything but at least i got to have my say!! i agree with the other posters in saying that it is up to the indiidual farmers, hubbys dad is quite a domineering force and its his way or no way, he doesnt listen to reason,infact he doesnt listen to anyone. hubby trys to help but hes a soft touch and will just do what hes told for the sake of a quiet life!! unfortunately getting help in isnt a option, the farm is badly run and running at a minimium profit, so theer just isnt tthe money to get someone in to help, and it wouldnt be done right (thats how his dad wud look at it!) its good to know im not alone tho, i dont help out with the farming as its got nothing to do with me, hubby has his own full time job and farms to help his dad out with no financial reward, (yes i know hes doing it for family, sorry for my bluntness just lost ne compassion for the whole process lately!) well thats enough of my ramblings thanks to anyone that listened!