Just need a shoulder to cry on

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wifeey Posts: 176
Hey girls suppose i should be posting this on relationships or something but i'm hoping all you pregnancy hormoned raved wollies can relate to this or really just understand :o( We told the world & his friend last tuesday after our scan about being pregnant, we had told just parents before this but now it was out there for everyone to know & we were both just so excited & happy. I wanted to tell my close friends face to face but because i live a good bit away i wasn't going to get to see them til the weekend, so didn't want to risk them finding out through someone else so i text them all so got texts back saying congrats & was talking to some on the phone etc. Planned to do lunch on saturday but with first holy communion etc going on they said they'd come over to me on the sunday. So there i was sunday making a lovely tea etc for the girls dying to get seeing them since i hadn't seen any of them since telling them our good news (now i'll add here that i've known these girls for at least 17 years, friends through school, lived together at uni etc) well they landed & not one congratulations, how are you? are you excited? nothing totally nothing in particular one friend got out of the car with a face on her like a bull, she didn't even say hello to me!!! I knew something was up so i was really over compensating trying to make conversation flat out. So the girls hadn't been over in ages so i had all my new wedding photos up and they were all saying how gorgeous they were but the 'one with a face on her like a bull' said 'you don't half love yourdelf do you' i just smiled thinking can you get any ruder :o( They stayed for about 3 hours and not as much as one mention & i mean not one word about me being pregnant, just was gutted felt so alone or like 'do i have any friends at all' they spent the entire time talking about all our pasts like in uni etc, it was good craic but just felt so hurt my them. Now i swear i don't expect everyone to talk about my pregnancy but i just thought my so called friends could have least gave me a hug or something when the first seen me or bring over a wee cake or something to acknowledge it but i guess maybe i think differently :o( Sorry for the long rant but that happened sunday & i was in the house yesterday evening on my own sitting in tears thinking about it, i'm assuming it's my hormones :-8
i want one Posts: 2893
thats not hormones hun im so sorry. are u sure ur friends got the text msg?maybe the networks were funny and they dont even know? thats the only logical thing i can think of. im so sorry. its great news congratulations on your pregnancy. try and focus on yourself and DH and your little one. :xox
jill80 Posts: 565
Firstly, CONGRATS!!!! Secondly, that is strange that none of them wished you well/acknowledged the good news. And its no wonder you are upset, anybody would be. These "friends" - would they be a group you only see the odd time, from sounds of it? Maybe there is a jealousy issue going on? Especially the bull-face one, commenting on your wedding photos. She obviously has issues.Maybe your life is moving in a direction that she wants to be, and she is jealous that you got there first? Or are you very-early pregnant, and they dont want to mention it this early on? I dont have any real advice, but just wanted to say you have the right to be upset. HTH
octbride2007 Posts: 774
ahh wifeey, sorry to hear that. TBH, they could have at least mentioned it. Are they all married or any of them have kids? I am the last of my friends to be pregnant and when they all got pregnant, I suppose I wasn't too much interested in their baby talk...was just a different life for me and I did feel a bit left out. Maybe they are afraid of losing you or not seeing you too much. Well listen chin up and dont let them get to you. Maybe ask your friend what was up with her and tell her you thought she might have been happier for you and see where it goes. keep chin up tho :thnk
theoracle Posts: 7664
wifeey, so sorry that you feel down, tottaly undertsand where you are coming from, but something about your post makes me think that there is more to the story than it meets the eye. I would grab the bull by the horns and address the issue with one of the friends, perhaps the one that seems upset as I suspect that there is something that is going on with her that you might not be aware of and which might be the reason that the other girls did not say anything in her presence (could she have TTC problems, or similar?). It does sound quite odd, but perhaps there is some explanation for it other than that none of them thought to congratulate/ask you in person. Congrats about your pregnancy anyway, I hope that you will have an easy pregnancy and will sail through it, wishing you all the best and will be havin a wee bit of berry muffin in your and your bean's honour!
wifeey Posts: 176
Ah girls thanks so much i'm glad you's understand and don't think i'm being unreasonable. My lovely hubbie puts up with so much over the years the way the girls treat me he has told me not to even let it annoy me but it's just hard. I wish they didn't get the text cos then i could use that as an excuse for their behaviour but i know they got it cos they all replied, now one rang straight away, i seen one on the saturday & she was asking how i was but the one with a face on her hadn't been speaking to her or seen her at all other than texting. Girls i'm embarrassed to even say they are my friends esp when you's realise that none of them are even seeing anyone never mind having TTC issues :o( i totally realise that they wouldn't feel the same as i do but i think all's i really wanted was one wee hug when they got out of the car & a congrats end of just something to show they cared!! I don't see them as often as i used to but we e-mail all the time, tect & chat on the phone & we're out for all our b'days any occassion we're together. I think i have to take my hubbies advice in that they really aren't friends when they do that! I've one really close friend who is fantastic we're like sisters so at least i have her and i've others through my husbands partners just can't believe after 17 years, the biggest thing in my life & they cant be happy for me! You know the one with a face on her, done something before on me & i was sick of it so i just confronted her about it & it was the same, god i'd never want to offend you, your my best buddie, blah blah blah so i know if i say to het that i was upset at her behaviour i'd get the same thing all over again. Just glad i have you's wollies :xox our little bean is 14 wks and i'm not going to get myself worked up no more about it just as you's say concentrate on me, my hubby & our little one. Thanks again ladies :wv
octbride2007 Posts: 774
Good woman wifey.....you have more important things coming up so enjoy that and stick with that good friend :wv
jill80 Posts: 565
You say none of them are seeing anybody etc - maybe that is the problem? Could be jealousy. The fact that one rang you straight away day before and congratulated you,means she is happy for you. And you saw another on sat who also wished you well, so take heart from that. How many in total were there on the Sunday? Maybe "bull-face" is a bit of a bully, and on way over was giving out, thus putting the others on edge so that they felt they could not say anything??? there was a girl I was friends with years ago, and she was literally toxix - put everyone on edge on days or nights out to point we all walked on eggshells. But she sounds 'toxic' and maybe best to steer clear. I have some very close friends and then more general associates. I am the first in my close friends group to get pg and most of them have been great asking, enquiring etc. One girl hasnt, as babies literally are just not her thing, but she at least would say congrats and be nice etc. I wouldnt put up with that one you have as a "friend" if this is something in a long line of stuff she has done to you.
Delish Posts: 4176
Are you one of the first to be pregnant? They sound like they are typical girls all probably vying for the limelight and have an attitude of 'well don't think you deserve any extra attention just because you are pregnant!' I wouldn't worry about it. Probably just a gaggle of competitive girls! I think when you are one of the first of the friends to announce a pregnancy the group in general don't know how to react. I know I was really really disappointed when my sister and brother didn't even congratulate me. I told other family members I was disgusted with them and then the two fo them congratulated me but the good was gone at that stage - people shouldn't need to be told basic manners. Anyway same sister is now pregnant and I congratulated her warmly and gave her hug and asked all about due date etc. When she told her bestfriend the bf was weird about it, just sort of passed it off. Sister was a bit put out by that. I think people can feel awkward about the whole pregnancy thing, so try not to let it get you down, they are just showing themselves up.
wifeey Posts: 176
Jil80.... ''there was a girl I was friends with years ago, and she was literally toxix - put everyone on edge on days or nights out to point we all walked on eggshells. But she sounds 'toxic' and maybe best to steer clear''. Oh god Jil80 are you sure we're not friends with the same person :o0 this is exactly what she is like she is as moody as hell & when she's in bad form you know about it!!! When she is nice she's very nice but when she's mean .... etc Just comes down to manners. Delish i'm the first to get pregnant, well the first in our wee click so i totally understand what your saying they maybe just don't know how to re-act, but when i was talking to mum on the monday i was saying about having the girls over on the sunday and she was like 'well where they excited what did they say' i just lied and said ah they were full of congrats to embarrassed to tell the truth! I think what hurts the most regardless of anything is that i wouldn't treat them like that! But sure it's done now no point in me dwelling on it!!