Just need a shoulder to cry on - Page 2

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hartley Posts: 826
I could have written a post kinda like it. One of my best firneds who I lived with for 5 years before I moved in with DH is acting the same. She broke up with her BF of 2 years, 8 months ago and is still in tatters about it, to the point she can't be happy for anyone else. She lands to my house gets waited on hand and foot for a weekend and sits crying on the couch. I am so not a smug married and go out of my way not to talk about my DH. She had previously mentioned that I had loads of wedding photos up and not in a nice way. Then in Feb she was up and said to me have I news. I told her about being pregnant and she just sat on the couch. Now she never ever asks how am I feeling, am I getting big (she lives 3 hours away), nothing, completely ignores the fact I an pregnant. I have made huge allowanceS for her over the past 8 months but my DH is getting really annoyed at the way she is treating me. I feel guilty cos I am married & pregnant. I know its probably that she feels more sad for herself than jealous of me. I would probably feel the same but I think about my m/c last year and how I never mentioned it to my other friend who was pg with twins and was so excited for her all the way even though my own heart was breaking. So after my essay in conclusion, they are being mean friends. They should be happy for your luck.
babydust Posts: 124
They sound like horrible friends... they must have been pissed off about hearing it through a text...?? They sound jealous.
missust Posts: 370
5 years ago my bf got pregnant-one night stand and not happy. i was v supportive at the time. BUT i'm ashamed to say that 2 years later she got pregnant again - planned - and i was (i see now) a bitch about it. i barely congratulated her and stopped inviting her out and calling round to her. at the time i had no desire to have kids. i felt sorry for her. thought she was mad.tgought we had nothing in common anymore. i had no idea until i got pregnant how incredibly happy she felt. its not til now i understand how i must have hurt her....we are still friends, but not like we were. (we had been friends and neighbours since primary school)the last time i saw her was about 8 weeks ago. she congratulated me etc but i thinki me being pregnant now has brought back the hurt she must have felt then..she cant get over it i guess coz she barely speaks about me being pregnant. i suppose i'm trying to say that if they are single they have no idea how you feel. even tho my friend planned to get pregnant i was so immature at the time i didnt really believe her-i didnt believe anyone my age would want a baby-let alone 2. maybe you need new friends that you have more in common with...or maybe one day (like me) they'll want kids and understand how important it was to you for them to be happy for you too...and they'll be sorry til then lean on DH for support
wifeey Posts: 176
Thanks again girls your replies are great comfort. missust.. it's actually brilliant to hear it from another point of view and as you say you realise now that you were being silly at the time, we're all 27/28 so i suppose in their eye's it's still young to be starting a family. I keep saying just wait til it's their turn but i know i could never ever be that rude! To me it was like finding out a friend gets engaged she invites us over & we don't even ask to see the ring, ask when's the date, anything iykwim. I just wish without sounding like a heartless b**ch that one day they might feel the hurt i felt :-8 I'm sorry if that makes me sound bad but if they knew how it felt then i'm sure to god they would never do it again? The girls are at their happiest when we're talking about our old days or their nights out, which to be honest i love talking about too just felt if they're not happy about it for their own reasons they still could have put a smile on their faces & at least pretended! Well i'm not going to be able to change them & everything happens for a reason so i'll just get on with it & except it, life is too short O-O ladies x
lastminutebride Posts: 785
CONGRATS!!! and I'm so sorry your friends didn't celebrate properly with you... But I'm thinking back to what I was like only a year or so ago, before we started really thinking about babies... I was never one of those people who are dying to have kids - to be honest I never thought much about it, it was always something vague that would be lovely in a while - and when friends got pregnant, I'm not sure I gave that the attention it deserved. I was hugely delighted and congratulatory when the babies actually came along - but when the pregnancies were first announced, I was pleased for them and I congratulated them and all, but it wasn't top of the conversation list. The thing is that, when you're not on that buzz yourself, you don't really realise that just being pregnant is a huge deal. Your friend announces she's pregnant, but she looks the same, she acts the same, there's no baby to cuddle and admire, nothing's going to happen for months and months... You can easily just kind of figure the celebrations wait for when something more visible happens! I guess I'm just saying I was pretty clueless about pregnancy and how big a deal it is, and maybe your friends are the same - just a bit clueless, rather than any way nasty. If you tell them, 'Listen, this is HUGE for me, and I really need a big girly chat about it,' maybe they'll cop on?
zoey Posts: 1574
Hey Wifeey, You poor thing - I know how excited you must be about being pregnant and it would be lovely to get some enthusiasm from your friends. I really think Lastminutebride made some very good points in her post - maybe your friends just don't get how massive this is for you and I think her suggestion of explaining to your friends what a big deal this is in your life and you'd love to chat with them about it and include them, might be helpful. I hope it works out with them. Probably in a few years time you'll be the one they'll all be phoning with their own pregnancy/baby queries! I hope you enjoy the rest of your pregnancy. Zoey :lvs
chocbiscuitcake Posts: 658
I don't usually post here but reading your message, the first thing that struck me was that maybe each person thought that not everybody there knew, and were waiting on you to mention it first? If, for example, you had only told one friend and she blurted it out in front of two or three others, you probably would have been upset if you weren't ready to tell the others yet. So maybe they were each waiting for you to bring it up first, so that they knew that it was an open topic for conversation? To be honest, friends are pretty hard to come by and I would suggest that you think about things a bit longer, and maybe talk it through with some of them, before you write off your friendships with them altogether. Obviously your priority is your OH and your new baby (congratulations by the way!) but it is very lovely to have good friends too. Don't be too quick to discard them on one incident - particularly as I said, if they weren't sure whether they could congratulate you publicly or not.
frangipani Posts: 1543
i think chocbiscuitcake is right...maybe they weren't sure if you had told everyone there, and thought you had invited them all over in a group to tell them your great news when they were all there. i'd imagine no one wanted to be thought of as the one who spoiled your news by mentioning it in front of everyone, before you had the chance to. it sounds like the bad vibes were mainly coming from one girl...if her way is to run you down and pass pointed remarks because she's in bad form, i wouldn't see any harm in you asking her up straight why is she being so negative? she may not even be aware of how she is coming across when she passes a catty coment, and exposure is the best thing for that kind of person, IMO anyway! will make her think twice bafore treating you like that again if she knows she'll be taken up on it! were the reply texts you received from these friends positive about your news and positive about your wedding photos when you showed them? focus on the positive friends who are good for you and happy for you, and cut the begrudgers loose to do what they do best...leave them at it! oh, and big congratulations on your news, very exciting times ahead!!!!
Emme Posts: 4735
I don't think it's hormonal either wiffeey, thats horrible. When ever any of my friends got PG, no matter what stage of life I was at, me and my other friends were totally excited for them We didn't even have to pretend to be interested! Having said that it didn't dominate the conversation but you're pregnancy was ignored. Maybe they'll pick up their game.
wifeey Posts: 176
Hi ladies i maybe haven't made my story too clear as i would have been writing forever in the first post. As one of you mentioned it was totally really only one girl (the one with a face on her) that i'm really really annoyed at. But this is the same girl that i commented on as being the one you walk on egg shells with on some nights out, she certainly does not hide her moods. So this was the way it was they all text back congrats, very happy for you both, one girl rang straight away to say congrats, the other one i met on saturday in the town so was talking to her, the other one with a face on her had only sent a text i had not been speaking to her or seen her, the other one is my bestest bud. So it was the girls who suggested coming over sunday as they couldn't make saturday. i sent them all a message on saturday saying about see you's sunday all replied that was fine etc. Now no word sunday then my best bud rang to see what was happening had i heard from them on what time they were coming at, so she said sure she'll ring them and offer to drive to get the ball rolling. Then you's know the rest of the story about what happened when they arrived. So i swear my blood was boiling monday thinking about it cos even my DH who usually says nothing even said on sunday night those girls think about nobody but themselves in particular the one with a face on her, she didn't even congratulate my DH she just walked past him with a face on her. So my best bud rang me monday evening appologising for even taking them over and was near in tears down the phone like what have i ever done to them, i go out of my way all the time for them, on big nights out i'm the one to have them over to mine for drinks & food before & usually get DH to take the van to leave us out & pick us all up to bring them all home etc anyway just was saying to my best bud 'what the f**k is her problem (the one with a face on her we'll call her BULL for the purpose of the post :o0 ) so my best bud said i swear wifeey as soon as i picked her up i knew she was in a mood she didn't even say hello to me just got into the car and talked to the other 2! My best bud said she was saying stuff like 'God can you believe wifeey is going to be a mummy' and BULL just says i knew she was pregnant, why couldn't she live here it would be so much handier' my best bud said she just felt cut to the bone so didn't mention it again. So long post but they all knew so it wasn't as if any of them would be blurting it out. I totally understand everyone having different priorities in life and would never ever have expected them to come over & talk about my pregnancy non stop i would hate that myself, but like even if it was someones b'day and i was speaking to them on the phone & texting them happy b'day if they invited me over the first thing i'd say again is a big happy b'day just to make them feel special or to acknowledge it. The last thing i want is to lose friends but i just feel i'm always the one making the effort here and i know they might feel that oh wifeey is married now she doesn't come out with us as much etc but it's not me that has dumped them, they have dumped me iykwim. I think too the fact about the wedding phot's was just another kick in the gut, i invite this girl to my house, make her more than welcome and she can't even say hello never mind a simple 'well wifeey it'll be all go just something to show she cares. It's just my take on it, but this ole skin of mine has got thicker over the years with the stuff the girls have done so i should be well used to it by now :wv