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Kids at weddings

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MissBid Posts: 587
Hi all Wollies, I have a kid-at-reception issue. Hubby's sis has 1 extremely spoilt 5yo child who she originally assumed would be a pageboy until we said no way - we don't want any of that. Now its been assumed he's going to be invited. We're trying to keep the numbers small so I don't see the point in having kids there. No other kids will be invited. Worse - they gave us a generous engagement pressie so now we feel more pressurised to invite. No other kids will be there - and I know he'll be annoying. I know he's family and I see a lot of posts where nieces and nephews were invited without any hesitation but we're after a small, quiet wedding and he would be adding to the numbers we're trying to limit. No problem with him at church but not at reception. She can be a bit nasty so if he's not invited, I know she'll kick up hell. Even though its our day - not theirs.
happyfamily Posts: 3323
Would you mention it to her that there will be no other kids there so he'd be bored and have to sit with her and her husband? Or you could say that the hotel don't allow kids after 9pm where there is alcohol being served??
Smileykaz Posts: 7296
I am having kids at my wedding, though we have kept it to immediate nieces and nephews only. That said though, it's your wedding. And if you want no kids then have no kids. Same as if you want a church ceremony or a civil ceremony. Or a cake or no cake. Or a big dress, or a simple off the peg dress. All totally 100 per cent up to you. So don't feel guilty at all However, I think you're in a bit of a pickle though, simply because it's just this one kid, yes? There's no other nieces or nephews? So people MIGHT say 'it's just one kid, not loads of them running around, it's just ONE'. Eeeek, it's awkward alright. But you've said you wouldn't mind him at the ceremony? Could you get out of it that way - tell your SIL that you'd absolutely love to have her little darling there with the rest of the family for the ceremony and for the photos afterwards, cos he's SO cute, but unfortunately he can't be accommodated at the reception as you really don't want kids there. Just say to her, one reasonable adult to another 'I'm sure you understand. This is what we would really like, so if you could go along with our wishes, we would really appreciate it.' That way you ARE having the child there for the family occassion, but he's gone then for the reception? Would that work? Or would you prefer to just say straight out 'No, sorry, we're having no kids at all.'?
Rogue User Posts: 6101
I'll probably get eaten for this but here I go - we originally said no kids at the wedding. Even though there are 3 nieces in the family. Anyway I used to be a nanny and I looked after two children who I would love to have at the wedding. BUT I did not want any children at the meal so what myself and OH decided was that we invite my older niece and the two children to the ceremony and the pre-reception BUT they will be collected from the wedding after this and taken home. We are having an ice-cream van and some sandwiches, strawberries and nibbles at the pre-reception so they will get something to eat. I just think the meal is too adult and everyone is getting drunk and I don't like the thought of the kids being there and being kids, i.e. demanding attention and getting bored! My bro is quite happy with this cos he wants to enjoy himself and not worry about her. But he knew that she wanted to see me in the dress and would love the ice cream van so that's grand. Still have to say it to the other kids' mam who I am hoping will understand... Maybe you could do the same - invite her to the ceremony and pre-reception? That way she will be going home before it really kicks off?
Bazinga T McBinkers Posts: 4718
[quote="BrideOfRecession":2m1pg15v]Maybe you could do the same - invite her to the ceremony and pre-reception? That way she will be going home before it really kicks off?[/quote:2m1pg15v] Think that's a good idea - happy medium? This will probably inflict the fear into some of you - but of my 18 guests to ceremony and meal a full 33% are children under 8, and then there will be more at the evening do, which kicks off at 7.00, I can't wait! But then it is each to their own and if I didn't want children at the wedding, there wouldn't be any. If you really don't want them stand your ground
Dollydel Posts: 1726
We have always said that we don't want children at our wedding so I am going to try and stick with that but I know there is going to be trouble. OH's brother has two kids and they are both our godchildren as well they will be 7 and 5 so I hope to have them as flowergirl and pageboy but then hopefully be collected after the photographs before the meal. My cousin has a baby that will be three and there is no way I will be having a toddler running around the place so he won't be invited and I know that it'll cause a problem and she probably won't end up coming because she didn't go to another cousins wedding last year because he wasn't invited but in fairness he was only 6 weeks old. Its a tough one, but it is your day as others have said. A compromise would be for him to attend the church and pre-reception then to be taken by the babysitter before dinner. Personally if I had children I know that I wouldn't want them at a reception and wedding party as they get bored and fed up and just want to be running around the place.
mrslovebird Posts: 95
I am having the exact same issue but there are 3 kids, h2b nieces. My brother lives abroad and has 2 kids and once we got engaged he kept going on about them being flower girl and pageboy but like u we got around that one and said we not having any. So he has decided its better for his two kids not to come home for wedding at all and he has no problem so thats grand. BUT h2bs family are all for their kids coming so we had to have a chat with them, cos as horrible as this may sound, I hate the thoughts of them kicking off during the meal or during the dancing. They are age 2, 3 and 4. So we told them we are happy for them to come to church and to pre reception. We are going to organise a babysitter in hotel and hotel have special play room organised for them so they can have their dinner there. I know they are raging with me about it but this is our wedding and our choice!! :o(
carolandkieran Posts: 4
i have a large family and counting the all children from 18 down we had 45 children alone so we had to bann them all! horrible as it sounds we basicaly said if they can look after themselves then they can stay but its an adults realm so its not really suitable. i agree with mrsjuly2011 'this is our wedding and our choice!! ' tough love!
mrslovebird Posts: 95
carolandkieran it sounds so bad but its so so true!! yet another thing to be a selfish bridezilla over! >:o)
CroB2B2011 Posts: 399
It's absolutely your call, but if there's just one niece/nephew I'd consider inviting him. It's the sort of thing that can really blow up and continue to cause trouble down the line well after the wedding - people can have long memories where these things are concerned!