Love my MIL 2 bits but she's driving me insane!!!!

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meandmyman Posts: 116
Hi aLL, Myself and my MIL get on brilliantly and she's always been really nice dropping off bits and pieces she picks up for our new house and we have great chats about everything. But recently she is driving me nuts about the wedding!! We havent given either set of parents a restriction in regards as who they want to invite but have asked them to keep it reasonable. She told me last week that she doesnt want any of my FIL's brothers or sisters there. She has never really had time for them but FIL and H2b spend a lot of time with them. Tried to explain that she wouldn't have to be anything more than civil to them and would only have to say hello to them of she wanted but she's having none of it. two night ago we met up and she was asking about one of our groomsmen, (one of h2b's best friends) i was telling her how happy he was with his new girlfriend but when i told her who this girl was she went nuts and said if she was at the wedding that my mil would spit acid on her :eek :eek :eek :eek :eek :eek :eek (they had sum arguement about 10 years ago). Myself and OH have already decided that this Girl will be at our wedding regardless because we both get on great with her and our Gm and this girl are planning on getting married next year and our GM wouldn't enjoy the reception without her. she told that she is buying the jewellary for me to wear with my wedding dress and while i love the woman to pieces but her taste in jewellary and stuff is something else. she bought a big glittery diamete necklace with dangly purple stones with BIG BIG bling earrings. Its not something i would even contemplate on wearing on a night out let alone my wedding (i prefer small classic pieces and only the barest bit of bling, besides my e-ring). I tried to explain that i was planning on wearing stuff my dad gave my mom before he died a my way of having a part of him there and not she's in a huff. :duh: i mite just be getting wound up over nothing, sil keeps telling me that if her mom wasnt able to be melodramatic then she'd be bored and OH says if she keeps it up that she wont be invited. I'm caught between a rock and a hard place Sil and OH have a very strained realtionship with their mom (sil coming back from england for the 1st time in 10 yrs and staying with us cos she wont stay at home) and she has kinda adopted me as her surrogate (my mom lives in another county so dont get to see them much). She's been so unbelievabley good to me as has my FIL but i dont want ppl arguing on my wedding day and since we both have a stubborn streak any arguement cud cause more problem between OH and Mil. Trying to finialise the purchase of our house and planning a wedding with a very restricted budget but all i want is a stress free day with everyone we love there!!! ARRRAAAAGGGGHHHHH.head wrecked!!!!
Bazinga T McBinkers Posts: 4718
Spit acid?? She's nice! Very melodramatic as FSIL says. Imagine it splashed back on her MOG outfit!! ;o) Honestly just keep laying down the line, she will listen eventually. It is not her wedding - it is yours and OHs. If I were you I would set a limit with both sets of parents, that way she can't claim victim. Have your FFILs siblings there, it would mean a lot to your FFIL and OH. If she can't stick to her numbers, just keep having OH tell her she needs to stick to it. Get it set down now, before its closer to the time and another 1, 2, 4, 15, 30 people are added. It happens, there have lots of people complaining about it on here before. Stick to your jewellery you have in mind, it is a lovely touch and will mean a lot to you and your family. It will feel like your dad is walking down that aisle with you. Let your OH say most of the things that need said, it will make it easier in the long run. Say it now, and keep saying it, it will make planning easier and more enjoyable!
Jawl Posts: 8881
Take it from somebody who spent the first 18 months of wedding planning constantly O:| due to inlaw troubles, YOU MUST BE FIRM!! It's such an easy piece of advice to give, but not so easy to follow through on, but trust me the sooner you do it the better. 2-3 months ago my OH let rip at his family, it came to a total head, I was all for him staying quiet, always have been but it was the best thing that happened. They now know their place (so to speak!), and wedding planning has never been more enjoyable. Whereas up to that it was a head frier and always ended in tears of frustration. Let your OH deal with her, she'll take it better from him than you. Is she split from your FIL? How does he feel about his family not being there? I'm afraid she doesn't call the shots and she needs to know that. As for her being in a huff about the jewellery, I wouldn't worry. I hated anybody getting that way with me, and I'd end up worrying about it. But at the end of the day between now and your wedding you are always going to offend somebody even if you don't mean to. It's hard situation and I feel for you. But trust me you MUST be firm. Even up to one week ago, mine were being annoying trying to find out what we are eating on the day. Which I won't tell them, as I know what they're like, they'd criticise it to high heaven, and moan at me. I know for a fact they'll all eat what we are having, I've seen them eat it before, but they are convinced it will be turkey and ham, and while I love turkey and ham I'm not having it at my wedding as it's too close to Christmas. They're asking sneerily "I suppose twill be turkey and ham yes?". I just smile now and say "You'll see when you get it, not been decided yet" even though it has. It works, Lux has great replies for interfering relations, so I hope she replies to this.