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anonymous report Posts: 67
This will be long, but I really need advice. Had a mixed relationship with MIL for last 9 yrs. Nothing ever happened. She just never took to me and always made snide remarks and I just let her away with it and told DH not to bother either. We bought a house and got married over the summer. Coming up to our wedding, she was nice enough. Obviously making an effort ...probably cos her son is moving in with me, I thought. :-8 On the wedding day, at our wedding dinner, MIL said something sarcastic to me in front of everyone. :ooh Let's pretend DH name is "Robert", let's pretend he likes to be called "Rob". Well, I was talking about the cake topper, (my mother had our names engraved on it as a surprise) and MIL said his name is not Rob, its Robert and it should be Robert on everything in the wedding and you shouldnt be calling him Rob. I nearly choked on my wedding meal. People stopped eating, looked at me for a reaction and, despite my embarassment and my good behaviour in the past, I snapped back. I said, his name is Robert, but he likes to be called Rob and thats why his name is printed like that on everything. His Dad agreed. and then said to MIL"let it go for Gods sake" in front of everyone :-8 DH had been talking to other people on my side of the table and hadnt overheard what had happened and I didnt want it to ruin our day, so I just got on with things. After the honeymoon, I told DH and he hit the roof. Said he wouldnt have her picking on me and all I've ever done is try to be nice. He wanted to go around there and have it out with her, but I wouldnt let him, until he calmed down. Fast forward 3 wks and he had it out with her last week when I wasnt there. Told her that if she has a problem with anything to do with him, to go to him and not to me. Said it was his choice to have his name as "Rob" and that she shouldnt have said what she said at all, never mind at our wedding in front of people. Well, she denied it down to the ground. Until FIL came in and stood up for me and said that it had actually happened. She lost the plot then...said we were calling her a liar etc. Neither DH or FIL were having any of it. But DH felt better having said his piece and moved on. Now, she's not talking to DH. And although he doesnt seem to care (cos he's still angry), its bothering me and its upsetting FIL aswell. DH invited them both over to pick wedding pictures for their album (we're giving parents an album each) and she said she won't visit our home, to bring the photos to her on a disk. DH just ignored her at this stage. She can go and take a long walk off a short cliff if she thinks she's getting ANY photos now. >:o( Not only that, but if she ever does call to the house, I'm not letting her in until she apologises. After what she said to me on our wedding, hurting DH feelings and for our put a dampner on things during our first few weeks of marriage. DH said its the straw that broke the camels back and he's well off out of the house and she can go and take a running jump. He spoke to his Dad about it and he feels the same way. Says he's sick of her too. Im really peeved with her and I really have had enough. FIL now comes to our house quite alot and we cant seem to get rid of him-it was after 12 when he was leaving the other night. I think she might be fighting with him cos he obviously "sided" with us. Yikes! Family politics, eh?!
HarmattanRose Posts: 1444
Poor you. :action32 Sounds like you have the MIL from hell. Sorry I'm not going to be of any help as I really wouldn't know what to do with her. She might cool down a bit - it probably is all still a bit raw - but she has been caught out telling pork pies - she is probably very embarassed and is covering it up by being angry and stuborn. Maybe an opportunity will present itself sometime, when it can be resolved. Though that will depend entirely on her. I would try to be patient - easier said than done. But it is her that has got herself into this - it will be her that has to snap out of it. Good luck :wv
nelly Posts: 1875
had a similar incident regarding FIL comments in his speech :eek among other stuff. After the Honeymoon, (which lets face it was not the best holiday as i was like a lunatic that they could be so nasty and selfish in their behaviour and i took it out on him :o( ), DH had it out with them. It made it 10 times worse (as it seems to have in your case) however as we don't live close they just pretented it never happend ever since. So i suggest you keep her at arms lenght and try be civil .Your hubbie will no doubt be embarrased and at the end of the day no matter how nuts she is he loves her so for that reason alone i reckon do your time in calling for the sunday dinner's etc when asked and give her nothing to talk about.
chra Posts: 220
And the sooner it is all sorted and your DH and your DFIL are out of the bad books (never mind yourself!!) your DFIL may leave you alone to enjoy your new life as H&W!! :o0
Pearly Whites Posts: 707
Sounds like Irish Mammy Syndrome! My son. Her nose seems out of joint, even tho your 9 yrs together. Your right to hold your own and let her know that she can't speak to you like that and has no right. Your DH seems on the ball and wants to nip it in the bud.