MISCARRAIGE

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MUMS THE WORD Posts: 733
Hello ladies, just wondering how, those of you who've suffered miscarraige, are getting on? As i'm not feeling too great, went to my GP yesterday and have now developed an infection in my womb.. so i'm on really strong anti biotics, also haven't slept in over a week so i'm not on sleeping tablets!! I'm only 29 and recently married, and to be honest I feel since the day and hour i've put my wedding band on, i've had nothing but bad luck, had a few dramas to contend with on the night of my wedding too.. and i do feel it's all getting too much for me to handle.. Is there anyone out there who can understand, or at least felt like I do?? My friends and family are great, but keep saying sure time will heal etc.. etc.. but i'm soo low now, i can't see that happening... Sorry for being such a moan today!!! Any replies, responses would be very much appreciated... Thanking you all in advance... MTW
mila Posts: 698
You poor petal - it sounds like you've really been through the mill. :cry: I don't have any words of wisdom I'm afraid, but just wanted to let you know that there's lots of us here that are just willing to listen anytime at all you feel like posting. I really hope things look brighter for you soon. PM me anytime. *HUGS* :xxx
MUMS THE WORD Posts: 733
thanks for your reply mila... i appreciate it.
andypandy28 Posts: 553
I cant imagine what you are feeling as I have never miscarried. Im not going to tell you that time will heal etc, as I don't think that will make you feel any better. You have had it hard, but your still here. You might have had all your life's worth of bad luck in one year or so. God sometimes tests us and our relationships, and you have came through it so far and you will continue to do so. Go to the doctors and tell him you need some help to get through this. Then take some time off work and borrow money (if you have to) and go on a holiday or a short break. You need to look after yourself. you need to relax and get things into perspective. Talk this through with your DH, im sure he's feeling bad too. This can make your relationship stronger. Please don't despair as there will be plenty of people ready to help you, or listen to you. I am one of them. Take care
one year married Posts: 133
So sorry to hear how your feeling. I have no experiance myself but there is some great support on www.magicmum.com They have a pregnancy loss board where you could chat to others in the same situation. Look after yourself
MUMS THE WORD Posts: 733
hi andypandy24 thank you very much for your reply.. perhaps you are right, and a break would do me good. My husband is upset too, but he's more logical in his approach to it, he's always been really good at seeing 'the bigger picture' and can be more accepting.. but to be honest i want him to be a little bit like me, and i feel him being soo strong, soo soon... i keep on asking him does it really bother him... I know i'm wronging him, and i don't want to do that, but i need him to be a bit more at my level at the moment... I guess you're right about making us stronger, we've certainly had some 'testing' times over the past few weeks...
Spice Bride Posts: 558
Don't know anything about this but couldn't read and not reply. Maybe your husband feels that he needs to be the strong one? Men aren't generally as emotional as women, or not great at showing it. Just because he isn't grieving in the same way as you doesn't mean that he isn't grieving. I'm sorry to hear of your loss.
*Smajra* Posts: 1440
I'm so sorry for your loss. I lost a baby about 3 years ago. I was 12 weeks gone. I understand what you're saying about your husband and feeling like maybe he didn't care as much as you did but I would imagine he is trying to be strong for you. We had planned our baby and had been trying for a few months. We already had a son and made the mistake of telling him we were pregnant which of course meant telling him when we lost our baby. I couldn't understand why my h2b wasn't as upset as I was and even though he was brilliant his lack of emotion made me feel quite lonely in my grief. He later told me that he felt devastated but felt he had to be strong for me as it happened to my body. I don't know what stage you were at but at 12 weeks it was as physically painfull as it was emotional. There was a back log in theatre in the hospital so I ended up waiting 2 days for a D&C. I couldn't eat or drink or take painkillers as they were never sure when a time slot in theatre would become available. I had full on contractions and this was completely devastating to go through what was essentially labour and have no baby at the end. I think what alot of people don't get is that it's not just a case of your plans being messed up, you've lost your baby. I know these words will be upsetting to read but you need to know that you're not being a drama queen by grieving. Your baby died and for that I am very sorry. You need to grieve. Don't just put on a brave face and try to get back to normal, give yourself time to cry and deal with the pain. To everyone else there was going to be a baby in a few months, to you there already was a baby. In my head I had seen the day she was born, the day she started school, I'd named her, all the daydreams that start from the moment you know you're pregnant. These are the things that make maternal love so strong. You are a mother mourning her child and that is something that will take some time. There's no set limit on when you'll feel better. You won't just wake up one morning and be over it. I cried everyday for 2 months but I very much felt that publically I had to pretend to be fine after a few weeks. Miscarriage is a very misunderstood event. Many people don't feel that you're mourning but it's just that they don't understand, not that they don't care. I got pregnant again 3 months later. I had a very healthy ( and bold ) baby boy. He in no way replaced the baby we lost and I still think about her regularly but I don't feel the enormity of the sadness as much. I'm sure you have many happy moments ahead of you in your life and I [b:2z3n1zdm]know[/b:2z3n1zdm] that you wont feel this way forever but please give yourself some time to deal with your loss. Try not yo focuss on things people say to you if they upset you because the reality is that there is no right thing to say now. Take comfort in your husband. Let him grieve in his own way and let him know that you can be there for each other. You made your baby in love, that love will help you through this. Take each feeling as it comes and just take care of yourself. I wish you all the very best.
MUMS THE WORD Posts: 733
Mrs Dtb, thank you soo much for your beutiful response... you expressed everything I'm feeling, and i appreciate your openess and honesty.. you've really said what i want and need to hear... don't know if thats me being selfish.. but i needed someone to understand and accept and I thank you soo much for taking the time to be soo honest with me.. God bless MTW
*Smajra* Posts: 1440
You're very welcome. It's not a topic that people discuss openly and therefore it's something that people just really do not comprehend if they haven't experienced it. I always knew a miscarriage would be devastating but honestly never knew the levels it could effect you at untill it happened. Feel free to pm me anytime you want if you're having a bad day no matter how far down the line it is. You are not being selfish at all and you don't need to validate your feelings. You have just cause to feel the way you do and the best way for you to process it is to talk about those feelings so you can make sense of them. Sadly many other women know how you feel so as lonely as it feels right now there are others who know where you're coming from. My heart goes out to you and your husband.