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mshelly Posts: 746
Send the handmade invites to the guests on your list and give your mom shop bought invites to give out to people that you don't actually know who the hell they are. Why should your handmade invites be sent to people you a) don't know and b) your mom doesn't expect to come? I hate this [email protected] of being seen to invite people for the sake of it. Just cause your parents were invited to a wedding of a son/daughter of a friend of theirs that you don't know doesn't mean that they are under an obligation to return the invite. Just cause your mom wants to pay for these guests doesn't mean that they shoudl be invited. It is your day and you should have people there that you at least know.
PhDmammy Posts: 387
She hasnt even given the money yet!!! I definately think I will ask her to get her own invites for her own friends. I just have to wait until she is back after the weekend!! My SIL was chatting to my dad and he claims that all these people have to be invited as well. So much for me thinking my dad would be on my side :o(
islandlil Posts: 1059
I really feel for you but you are completely letting her walk all over you. No one HAS to be invited! those days are gone. Go ahead with your plans and that is that. Tell her if she rants at you that people simply do not carry on like that and she is ruining your day. So what if she is away this weekend-I'm sure she can get to a phone. Will your OH not help you?
originalwoowoo Posts: 867
Another thing - what must your in-laws to be think about this - how many are they inviting or will they be put out with more from your side? If you cant get the numbers down deffo give the handmade cards to your friends and people your actually know!
pinkerbelle10 Posts: 705
First of DO NOT let her get her own invites!!!!!!!! She will have a free reign over who she invites - you have no idea how many invites she could send out!!!! Seriously - that would be a big mistake. You HAVE to put your foot down - I know its not easy but 120 (and more if you let her get her own invites!!!) is just pure madness! My parents are great but my mom had a list as long as her arm for my wedding and they were paying for some of it, but I just put a limit on it. We didnt really have a problem with the size of the venue so I couldnt use that excuse - I just said I wasnt having a load of people at the wedding that I a) hardly knew or b) havent seen in years. Nose was out of joint for a bit - but she was grand. Im sorry to say it but your mom sounds like a real manipulator. (sorry) If you dont put your foot down with this, then what next is she going to want. Remember: it is YOUR and YOUR OH day!!! End of story. And she hasnt even given you the money yet? No way!!! This is what I would do - instead of "asking" her would she cut the numbers, I would look at her list and say "you can have X amount and thats it". Dont ask her TELL HER! I would use the good invites for your and DH friends and no way would I cut out your friends just to invite hers! Then, if you need extra invites - you take the names off her (that comply with the number you have told her she can invite!!) and send shop-bought invites - but dont tell her where you got the shop bought ones or she will likely go out and buy more and buy more on the sly. I implore you to stand up for yourself with this - you will feel so much better. I know it will be hard, but its worth it. Start as you mean to go on. You cant let her walk all over you. And like someone else said, if she throws the money card at you - then give it back to her and tell her she can have no-one at it!!!! I know you say you dont like confrontation, but sometimes it is necessary - just keep reminding yourself that she seems to have no problem upsetting you, so why should you have a problem "upsetting" her just to "keep the peace"?!! I wish you the very best of luck and above all - make sure you and OH enjoy your day. :thnk
lilmissnaughty Posts: 49
Oh God what a horrible situation to be in. I totally agree with the girls that you have to stand up to your mam, but Pinkerbell10 is right do NOT give your mother the free reign with her own invites - if for no other reason but you will regret it big time when doing your table plan as I bet she won't keep a proper record and it seems she will just hand them out willy nilly. Who are there 120 people? Are some family included in that? I mean nobody has 120 friends. If I were we I would sit down tonight with your h2b and make a list of rules, that's what we did, it worked well when families were asking who was invited, it made sense when they saw the rules, our rules, to give you an example were: We're actually fine with our guest list, no problems at all really, it stays that way, our invites our gone, we're happy, our parents are happy and I don't think we've pissed people off. But we made rules and stuck to them or otherwise things go out of all control!! Our rules Cousins - we are treating all cousins as friends - if we see you/have contact with you/get on with you then you are invited - if we never see you/don't like you or you make no effort with us then the fact that you came out of Aunty Mary's womb doesn't get you an invite to the wedding Previous Weddings - If we have been to your wedding and we are still friends or in contact then we want you to share in our day, if we have had no contact for 12 months then really we aren't close anymore so sorry no invite Parents friends - Well really if you are that good friends with either or our parents then we will know you and want you at our wedding as our friends too, if not then you are more than welcome to join us at the afters Plus Ones- If you are in along term relationship then you are more than welcome, if you are a randomer that the guest has just met or only started seeing within the last few months then you are more than welcome to join the afters Just make rules and stick to them, we were lucky that our parents friends are more or less people we wanted there anyway but I did let my dad invite 2 others (besides his friends that were already on the list) and my mam got 2, h2b's mam got 2, that's all they asked for as everyone else was covered, but for the afters they all have a good few friends coming. It really is that simple, make rules and stick to them, give the folks a few but that's it, stand up to them, i would have bent on the 2 each, it wasn't a strict number, it just happened we had alot of people on our list that they would have wanted anyway, long term family friends and the like. Now your Mam's list is mad so getting her down to 2 might be mission impossible so tell her you are willing to compromise and give her say 20, or whatever you and h2b agree on. Tell her when they announce you into the room you want to walk in to people you love and love you not a room full of strangers. Does she realise that, and no offense, but alot of those people won't even want to come, I think people now hate getting invites from people they hardly know as it is so expensive. Oh I feel for you I really do but you need to stand up to her, and so does your h2b, make a united front, you don't like confrontation but prepare yourself for it, in fairness she probably knows you don't like it and is using it to her advantage too. Good luck
blessed Posts: 125
She is taking the piss.......120 people :eek :eek :eek PUT YOUR FOOT DOWN NOW!!!!! THIS IS YOUR DAY FOR YOU< YOUR HTB, AND YOUR FRIENDS !!!!!! My mum is from a large family and she tried to dictate to me who I could, and couldn't, invite. I had a row with her on the phone, and she said "well I wont come then" I just hung up on her...I was so upset. She rang back and I did not answer the phone. She did this a couple of times and eventually left me a voice mail apologizing. I rang her the next day and we cleared the air. I told her "This is my wedding, You have already had yours, If any of your family have an issue with the guest list, so what! Tell them to call me and I will deal with it" That was the end if it. (and I got no phone calls)
blessed Posts: 125
She is taking the piss.......120 people :eek :eek :eek PUT YOUR FOOT DOWN NOW!!!!! THIS IS YOUR DAY FOR YOU, YOUR HTB, AND YOUR FRIENDS !!!!!! My mum is from a large family and she tried to dictate to me who I could, and couldn't, invite. I had a row with her on the phone, and she said "well I wont come then" I just hung up on her...I was so upset. She rang back and I did not answer the phone. She did this a couple of times and eventually left me a voice mail apologizing. I rang her the next day and we cleared the air. I told her "This is my wedding, You have already had yours, If any of your family have an issue with the guest list, so what! Tell them to call me and I will deal with it" That was the end if it. (and I got no phone calls)
PhDmammy Posts: 387
120 includes aunts, uncles and cousins. We have decided to order invites from vistaprinmt and agree with her who on the list can get these. that way I will have enough of my own invites to send to my friends. I am jhappy enough now with that outcome. Maybe she felt bad for upsetting me the weekend of my birthday!!!
Asscher Posts: 732
Tell her you were going over details including guest numbers with your hotel and they said due to health and safety laws you are only allowed to put so many people in the function room. You can say you thought you'd be able to squeeze more people in but the hotel in no circumstances will break this law due to fire hazards etc. You could even act a bit disappointed for her >:o)