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Jojobean Posts: 185
Hi Guys Feel a serious rant coming on so I apologise in advance but I'm at my wits end at this stage!! I'm with my boyfriend almost 7 years and generally got on ok with his family in the early days. But since he moved in with me almost 4 yrs ago my future MIL just seems to find the slightest reason to have a go at me. There was a major row last year after which she eventually apologised and admitted she was wrong to say the things she did but now she's started again. I made a joke a few wks ago (nothing rude but she decided to take offence)and she wasnt impressed so literally took my head off in front of a group of about 12 people!! I love my Fiance more than life and would never in a million years do anything to upset or hurt him but it feels like I'm now coming between him and his mam and I'm not that kind of person. His brother reckons its because she feels like I'm taking him away from her (which I'd never dream of doing) but realistically every time she attacks me like this he doesnt talk to her for weeks so shes actually pushing him away. Wedding is creeping closer by the wk and although still a few months to go at this stage I'm having sleepless nights worrying about how this is all gonna fair out. What if she doesnt come to wedding? What if she does come and just ignores me? I'm so upset for my fiance and just dont know what to do. Sorry again for the rant. Has anyone else experienced this? Any help or advice would be so much appreciated XXX
mrswtobe Posts: 68
You poor thing. I have no advice really other than maybe sitting down and talking to both your fiancé and her about it. If she is not willing to listen to you maybe she'd listen to your fiancé. It's such a horrible situation and I feel so sorry for people who have to put up with horrible inlaws. Mine annoy me a bit at times but they are great to me. At the end of the day you will be his wife so she will just have to get used to it. I wouldn't let her ruin my day!
Mrs W Posts: 2923
Mammys are terrible for that, she probably does feel like you're taking him away and he doesnt need her anymore. I've seen this from my OH side and also my mum with my brothers wife. My MIL is terrible for washing my hubbies stuff, if he gets ready for training in her house she grabs his work clothes out of his gear bag (she even took it out of the car one day) I used to take awful offence to it, as if i couldnt do his washing properly There's no point in falling out with her though so maybe try get on better now before it goes too far. I'd say she would like a bit of involvement in the wedding preparations, even just ask her opinion on a few things. Has she got her outfit yet? Maybe offer to go shopping with her, go for some lunch etc Make her see that shes gaining a daughter rather than losing a son?
Jojobean Posts: 185
Hi Guys Thanks for your replies but unfortunately its gone past the chance to offer to go shopping etc. I dont see her very often as my other half works evenings and I work days so he usually goes over to her before he goes to work. But its not as simple as her taking his washing etc he lived on his own for years before we were together so shes use to him looking after himself. Its more that up to now he lived close by and now he lives on the other side of hte city - its only 5 miles but its like in her head I've taken him away from her. She is actually saying nasty nasty things abouts me and will pick the tiniest thing and turn it to make it look like I've done or said something awful. I've bitten my lip for over 3 years now and taken comments and insults for my fiances sake but this recent event has just taken it too far. We've gone through it all before and she promised that it was all sorted but yet here we are again. We've tried talking to her about the wedding and asking her if there were any friends she's like to invite but she has no interest what so ever. We had eveything booked before we announced our engagement and when we asked her to come out and see the hotel she had no interest. Its so hurtful and the way I see it is you only get one shot at preparing for a wedding and the trouble thats been casued now will always be remembered when we think about the build up to our wedding and she can never undo that now. I just dont know what to do. I'd never dream of coming between my fiance and his mum but thats now whats happening - we havent heard from her in over a month and to be honest every other time I have encouraged my fiance to go back over and talk to her and I've always said at the end of the day shes your mum and you cant fall out over any woman but this time I just cant push him. She's obviously no intention of apologising or we would have heard from her by now so I dont know how on earth its going to get resolved but its all so upsetting. Sorry for rambling again xx
sallaballa Posts: 74
Hello jojobean, This is a horrible situation to be in. :weep Also its not something that I have no clue about!! I too have some experience of a difficult FMIL! It can be really upsetting, especially when it comes to the wedding plans because you really do want everyone to go and have a great time regardless of what has been said or done, but when comments are made it can be so hard to shake them off. The only thing I can say is that she will defo be at the wedding! Maybe she will have a face on her, but she will be there. If her son means as much to her as Im sure he does there is no way she will let it go by without being there to see him get married! But here's the thing..... if she hates the plans you've made, SO WHAT, Doesnt like your dress SO WHAT, hates the meal SO WHAT, doesnt speak to you SO WHAT! You wont please her, so why try! This is your big day and the run up to it should be a lovely time. I have just come to terms with a mishap in my own wedding planning, but again, I cant let it get in at me! Best of luck with your big day! and remember thats what it is..... YOUR big day. Im sure when it comes round and you meet your future husband at the top of the aisle she will be the furthest person from your mind :wv
pupsalove Posts: 1490
+10000 to all of the above. And from what I can see YOU are not coming between your other half and his mother. SHE IS. She is the one making the comments etc so it is HER behaviour that is driving the wedge because obviously enough he is going to support you. So just hold your peace, let her play her games. The above poster is right. She will NOT miss her son's wedding so don't worry about that. And realistically you can't change her behaviour, you can only change yours. So stop worrying about this, you've done all you can. Get on with your wedding preparations and enjoy it.
Jojobean Posts: 185
Awe guys thanks so much......... I'm such a worrier but you've made me feel so much better. You're all right - it is our Big day and we cant let her ruin it for us especially when its just one person out of all our family and friends and everyone else is sooooooo excited about it. Its just so upsetting seeing how much it hurts my Fiance. He's so embarassed by her actions and when people are saying "oh your mam must be really looking forward to the wedding" I can see how much it hurts him. But again you're right we're strong and its not coming between us so we'll be married one way or the other...... and when I walk up that aisle she will be the furthest person from my mind Thanks so much for the reassurance xxxxxxx
Mrs W Posts: 2923
[quote="Jojobean":3sq44vct]Hi Guys Thanks for your replies but unfortunately its gone past the chance to offer to go shopping etc. I dont see her very often as my other half works evenings and I work days so he usually goes over to her before he goes to work. But its not as simple as her taking his washing etc he lived on his own for years before we were together so shes use to him looking after himself. Its more that up to now he lived close by and now he lives on the other side of hte city - its only 5 miles but its like in her head I've taken him away from her. She is actually saying nasty nasty things abouts me and will pick the tiniest thing and turn it to make it look like I've done or said something awful. I've bitten my lip for over 3 years now and taken comments and insults for my fiances sake but this recent event has just taken it too far. We've gone through it all before and she promised that it was all sorted but yet here we are again. We've tried talking to her about the wedding and asking her if there were any friends she's like to invite but she has no interest what so ever. We had eveything booked before we announced our engagement and when we asked her to come out and see the hotel she had no interest. Its so hurtful and the way I see it is you only get one shot at preparing for a wedding and the trouble thats been casued now will always be remembered when we think about the build up to our wedding and she can never undo that now. I just dont know what to do. I'd never dream of coming between my fiance and his mum but thats now whats happening - we havent heard from her in over a month and to be honest every other time I have encouraged my fiance to go back over and talk to her and I've always said at the end of the day shes your mum and you cant fall out over any woman but this time I just cant push him. She's obviously no intention of apologising or we would have heard from her by now so I dont know how on earth its going to get resolved but its all so upsetting. Sorry for rambling again xx[/quote:3sq44vct] I take it back, she is a cow!
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