Mother trying to push for daughter to be bridemaid

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ggbeaks Posts: 132
I have always been close with my sister in law and her daughter. She and my brother have seperated and they bearly speak. Her daughter and me have always been close. I am 24 and she is 12. But ever since she turned 10 she has turned very cheeky and very spoilt. Her mum is spoiling her to make up for the fact that my brother is not around. My brother is not a bad guy, they just should not have get married he loves his daughter and works as hard as he can around the globe so doesnt get to see her much. But me an my niece have really drifted apart as i cannot stand her saying bad things about her dad and screaming and crying if she does not get her way. I got engaged only a few months and my niece has started going around telling everyone she is going to be a bridesmaid, because her mother told her she could, without asking me. I do not want to ask her as i know she will act up on the day and her mum will have to have an imput on EVERYTHING, as she never listens to be and disagrees with everything i say. I don't know what to do? please help?????
m2012 Posts: 43
I could not read and not reply! Set the record straight with both her and her mother immediately before it gets out of hand! Believe me people seem to be a law onto themselves when it comes to weddings! Say it now before it gets out of hand. Tell her mother maybe that you have chosen your BM's and unfortunately you cannot have anymore due to budget. Tell her that you want your niece to do a reading or prayer of faithful. Some people really have a cheek and remember its your wedding and it you and your H2B who chooses everything for your big day!!
Jacqueline Hyde Posts: 1145
Put her straight quickly. Maybe do it by telling her mother who the actual bridesmaids are. So it's not as if you're telling her that her daughter isn't bridesmaid, you're just mentioning in passing who the bridesmaids are. That way it's up to the mother to tell the daughter seen as she's the one who told her she was in the first place.
ggbeaks Posts: 132
I am a bit afraid to, Ever since me an my fella got together her mum always said there's your junior bridemaid! I don't want to upset her but like you said it it my day. My H2B is furious. He wanted to tell her himself. I just don't wanna fall out with anyone over this.
clumsymumsy Posts: 9
I had this situation with FSIL I love her daughter to bits and we get on like a house on fire, she's 13. However, H2B has got 4 nieces in total and how could I choose one over the other. I have my two best friends as bridesmaids and that's it. I told her straight that was who I was having and that it wouldn't be fair on the others, the guilt trips I got "Oh when so and so got married she was sure she'd be asked, and then so and so got married and when you announced you were getting married she said surely I'll be asked this time...." Made me feel terrible. She's got 3 older brothers and she's only 13 it's not going to be her one and only chance FFS! So anyway sorry I started on my rant there!! Can you say that if you asked her then you'd have to ask X from H2B's family and then it turns into madness that you're not going to engage in?
CarolinaMoon Posts: 2431
I suspect that this will be quite awkward as you mention that she has refered to her child as being your junior BM and you haven't actually corrected it. You had better set the record straight asap. If she is going to be difficult perhaps have your OH with you.
MM2012 Posts: 52
[quote="m2012":dymk9fne]I could not read and not reply! Set the record straight with both her and her mother immediately before it gets out of hand! Believe me people seem to be a law onto themselves when it comes to weddings! Say it now before it gets out of hand. Tell her mother maybe that you have chosen your BM's and unfortunately you cannot have anymore due to budget. Tell her that you want your niece to do a reading or prayer of faithful. Some people really have a cheek and remember its your wedding and it you and your H2B who chooses everything for your big day!![/quote:dymk9fne] +1. You will need to sort it as soon as possible, unless you are going to give in and let her be a BM. I am going through a similar thing with my OH's 11 year old niece. She tried to dictate her input to our wedding - what she was doing and when, without even being asked!! He mother was fueling it. What ever happened to waiting until your asked?? My OH told the child straight (in front of her mum) what we wanted her to do in a stern teacher voice. She didnt like it, but has to put up with it. We agreed between ourselves beforehand that either she did what we asked or nothing at all. We didnt want to negotiate on it as it would send mixed messages to everyone. Weddings bring out the worst is some people but you have to ignore them. Its your day, not theirs!!
nelle Posts: 552
I agree with the others, break the news quickly. It's like ripping a plaster off - it's best done fast to get the pain over and done with quickly. Good luck!!! :wv
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