My sister wants to be Godmother but she's a nightmare!

We've Moved!

Our wonderful discussion forums have now moved to Facebook...

Click to join us in our HIGM ("Help I'm Getting Married") group!

blondiechick Posts: 1641 might be able to give me some advice. This is long and it's about one of my sisters wanting to be Godmother. One of my sisters who is a year older than me lives in Belfast and the family rarely sees her as she rarely comes max. once every 3 months. She never makes any effort to see me when she comes home. Often times she might stay with a friend and wouldn't even tell mam and dad she's home but might call on Sunday on her way back up north. My parents get on ok with her. She is very selfish. It's always her way or no way. She's living with her boyfriend up in Belfast and he is very like her, so ignorant to my parents but they are always nice to him....they don't want to be letting the side down. Anyway, that's another day's story. Anyway, my sister 'arrived' down to Mam and Dad yesterday having spent the weekend with friends and not having the courtesy to tell Mam and Dad she was home...she didn't tell me she was home either, nothing. We don't really talk...not that there's been a falling out or anything, just that I was sick of being taken advantage of and having to do all the ringing all the time and then she's just hang up on me in the middle of the call saying she had something more important to do than talk to me or that a 'friend' was ringing her on the other line etc. etc. Anyway, last time I talked to her was 2 months ago when i was 10 weeks pregnant and I rang her to tell her the news. She seemed excited at the time but has never called me since, never texted, never asks Mam and Dad how I am....nothing, zilch, nada. In comparison to my other siblings who are soooo excited for me and DH.. Anyway, sorry I am waffling a bit. My sister, who lives in belfast, as I said landed home yesterday and Mam said to her that I am doing well but that I was in hospital last week. She couldn't have cared less, didn't even ask why according to mam, and then said 'Oh I suppose I am going to be Godmother seeing as I was chief Bridesmaid at her wedding 2 yrs ago', to which mam said 'oh I don't know, it's up to them to pick the Godmother and Godfather'. (and by the way my sister was a nightmare bridesmaid at my wedding, she spent the whole day fighting with her boyfriend and they kept coming to me asking me to sort it out...etc. etc. she also had a big row with DH's groomsman... O:| ) We had planned on asking my brother and one of DH's sisters to be Godparents as they have shown a great interest in us and the baby since I got pregnant. I'm so afraid though...this sister of mine is liable to cause family world war 3 if I don't ask her. She's very touchy when it comes to things like that and now I know if I don't ask her she will go ballistic and upset the whole family and Mam and Dad too.....aggggghhhhh....what'll I doooooooo??? And my mam's not well at the moment...the last thing I'll need is this madame causing hell on earth when she's not asked......the stress of it...
Duffers Posts: 1841
Hey Blondie_Chick, I know you dont want to cause any hassle especially for your mum & dad but imagine the hassle it'll cause for you, DH & your baby if you do ask her? Although in saying that, I know of some Godparents who have nothing to do with the baby anyway, its not like they make any important decisions, but I know its nice to have the freedom to ask who you would both like, often as a thank you etc for being helpful throughout the pregnancy. My SIL asked her friend to be Godmother for her 1st born as opposed to me (my brother didnt have the b*lls to speak up that he wanted his only sister to be Godmother) but I got over it (after about a month :o0 ) and I always babysit, minded the baby for 3 days a week for 6 weeks, love going for walks, feeding the ducks, calling to both grandparents etc And baby's Godmother does nothing. Calls every few weeks, thats about it. Anyway, the choice is yours, so dont be bullied, the people that matter will be there for you if needed. (sorry for long post :-8 )
milis Posts: 7998
Jesus... she sounds like a nightmare!!! There are lots of reasons not to have her as godmother, most of which you've mentioned above... I'm just going to give you one! Your child deserves to have the best god parents that you can pick for him/her. Your child should be your number one priority in all of this, and you have decided on godparents that will be interested in what your child is doing, and be there for them when he/she needs them. Would you really want to give that up to keep the peace with your sister?
blondiechick Posts: 1641
Thanks girls :thnk yes I know you are both right. I just don't know what to do coz I know in a few months when we ask the others to be Godparents there is going to be holy war in my family because of it. I just KNOW it's coming and I know my mum, who isn't well lately, will be in a state when my sister kicks off. Another reason I don't want her is that to be completely honest, she's a pain in the a$$, DH can't stand her and we think that if we have her as Godmother, it's like an open invitation to her to be in our lives, when infact we are happier when she stays away from us! Not that she would probably show any interest in the baby at all (she hasn't so far) but she could change when it's born.. Part of me thinks I should have my sister just to keep the peace in the family. It would be like my sister never to come home again and not talk to my parents again if I did get the other 2 as Godparents...she would emotionally blackmail me and I would be heartbroken if she does anything to upset Mam and Dad...arrrggggghhhh...and now that she assumes that she is going to be Godmother, I think the chaos could be worse if and when she finds out she's not going to be.....oh God...
CarrieD Posts: 460
.my advice is don't ask her....for all of the reasons in your message and prob many more..just read it back. Let her throw her tantrum if she's not asked. I know you say your am and dad will have to listen to her but just tell them not to take amy notice of her. Sounds like your mam knows what she's like anyway and prob wouldn't take much notice of her I'd say go with your initial choice of who you want and let your sister get over it My godfather is non existant. He was never there for me and is my uncle. Only reason my mam asked him is cos he's her only brother and didn't want to cause upset in the family. I don't think that should be the reason to ask someone
Aurge Posts: 1456
If she says anything just say she was your CBM so for this you wanted to involve some of the other family members. Simple as. You really can not have this girl as godmother. She sounds like a nightmare & your baby deserves the best. Good Luck with your decision :wv
RJR Posts: 962
Don't ask her! I have two sets of Godparents as I was christened in the UK - my aunt and uncle and my mum's best friend. My sister (the 1st born) had two aunts and uncles - my mum's sister and my dad's brother. They asked my dad's sister and her husband as (like you) they felt obliged. My mum passed away ten years ago and her sister (my Godmother) passed away three months later. My sister's surviving godmother (dad's sister) had divorced her Godfather and her only support since then was to tell us at the funeral we couldn't cry because it wouldn't look right if we 'fell apart' :eek :eek :eek My surviving Godmother (mum's best friend) has been an angel. She was there for us at the funeral and afterwards. She has always sent presents at xmas and birthdays even though we're both in our 30's. She even came with me to pick my wedding dress as she knew my mum should have been there and wanted to step up as my godmother. She was at my hen, and she was at my daughter's christening. Now I really REALLY hope your own LO's godparents never have to actually fulfil the role, but all I'm saying is it really is your Lo you have to think about - pick the ones you think will be there the most for your child Good luck :wv
survivor Posts: 2507
Blondie please dont pick her. Its not fait on your lovely little baby to have a godparent who will have no interest in her (or you). I know plenty of people who do not go down the traditional route of picking the CBM and best man for the god parents as they want to give other people a chance to be involved in their lives and the occasions that are important to them. I know you want to keep the peace at home but think of your child. Your sis will have to just get over it. And your Mum will understand. Sure she's probably well used to your sisters antics by now so she'll well be able to handle it.
petunia Posts: 1626
Personally, I wouldnt ask her. Hopefully if you didn't, it would be a wake up call for her i.e. she might just realise she's not the centre of the universe, and might embarrass her into smartening up her act a bit. (sorry if thats a bit harsh but its a scenario kind of close to home, iykwim!)
neeov Posts: 4256
Sounds like she would not be much of a godmother to your LO. I'd skip asking her and get someone to deflect the anger from you mum. I'd tell her that she was bridesmaid so you want to ask someone else to be godmother. I'd say she might be a bit jealous of the baby on the way if she has none of her own.