Need Advice!

We've Moved!

Our wonderful discussion forums have now moved to Facebook...

Click to join us in our HIGM ("Help I'm Getting Married") group!

mrspink Posts: 10
Hey girls, I need some advice! Im 27 and married a few months, the thing is myself and my hubby really want to have a baby and have talked about starting TTC in the next few months however i would also love to go to college and do a degree (which wil take me 4 yrs) im kinda stuck and dont know what to do. DH is very supportive and is willing to put babies on hold for a few years but he also suggested having a baby first and then goin to college in a couple of years. Not sure what to do!! What would you do?
lux Posts: 6270
Honestly? I'd have the baby. I've seen women go through hell because they waited for the "right" time for a baby and suddenly when they start TTC, things don't go according to plan. My FSIL had a terrible time, she was waiting on her husband to propose, then have the BIG wedding (€40 k :ooh ) and then buy the house, and then get a promotion. Now she is 38 and has had a child but as she left things so long it took longer for her to realise there was a problem IYKWIM. She's had a couple of rounds of IVF and its not looking good. She told me she should have had her babies ten years ago and then had the wedding, house etc. You can't put children off forever, unfortunately our bodies are designed to have kids during a certain timeframe and I would not want to be starting too late. I'll be 29 getting married and part of me thinks there is no way we'll be ready for a baby as I'm going back to college and the house needs to be renovated and OH might not have a job but you know what, we'll manage. I'd rather have a baby and then sort out everything else that wait and put it off and then realise nature has made the decision for me.
vidia Posts: 2960
My advice would be to have the baby first and then go on to do your degree. At 28, I wouldnt be waiting 4 years to ttc. 4 more years of the pil (if youre on it) wont do you any favours!! +1 for everything Lux said above too. Most colleges now have creches etc., and you'd have so much more energy with a small child in your late 20's/early 30's than in your late 30's!!
Cowhands Posts: 564
From my prospective I would wait on having a baby. Im 26 and have a 22 month old an although I did the whole college and house things I still feel like Im missing out on lots as baby comes first. I would definately go to college and get your qualifications, it will mean a better job and future for the child/children in the long run. Also as a newly wed you should spend time with your new husband not complaining about stretch marks and up to your elbows in nappies. Having kids is great but theres plenty of time for you and your husband, your by no means old, even if you do wait 4 years. Going to college and having a child will be lots of hard work not to mention the cost of both. Plus there is always the fear that after the baby you wont have the motivation to persue your college afterwards. I would LOVE to do a night coarse or join a club but seriously dont have the time or money now with a child. I say wait...
mooshel Posts: 46
I would probably go to Colleage first. Because although you might have good intentions to go back after you have a baby, it's possible that you will not end up going. I couldn't imagine trying to get a degree while looking after a child. And 31 is not too old to have a child really when you think about it. a lot of people who have trouble conceiving probably actually had the problem all along but just never noticed because they never tried. I wouldn't worry too much and just do what feels right.
ReginaFalange Posts: 10290
You're 27 now- so you'd be 31 starting to TTC which is fine. I agree with what one of the other girls said about not having the time/energy/motivation to go back to college after the baby is born. Especially for the first couple of year. You could even come off the pill and start trying in your last year as pregnancy is 40 weeks so if you started TTC in November of your last year you could be pregnant and all by the time you finish.
Decisions11 Posts: 1246
Are you 100% certain on the course in college, thats what you want to do and will there be jobs available for you when your finished?
havemovedon Posts: 2013
Do whatever feels right for you in your heart of hearts. My DH and I could have started a family 5 years ago but while we had a house and a relationship that was rock solid we weren't mentally ready for it. We wanted to do a lot more travelling and get to a particular place in our careers first. We're in our thirties now and are ready. Obviously we hope it happens soon but if not, I've no regrets at all. With the best will in the world, pursuing a degree with a small child will be tough. It can be done of course but it's a lot easier before a baby arrives.
dreamscometrue2012 Posts: 1769
Hiya I met my h2b when I was just about to start a BA..which I did and I am now doing my Post Grad Diploma, will be finished in Dec, not sure whether to go on and do the Masters as it doesn't start until Sept 2011 and doesn't finish until April/May 2012...so not sure if I'll be able for the planning a wedding and also doing a masters at the same time...this is my 7th year studying. I would say if I hadn't been studying (studying last 7 years by nite) we prob would be getting married a bit sooner...as we are now 3 years in the house etc.. but I wouldn't change it for the world, as I now have my Quals whether I stop with the Post Grad or do the masters I will be happy within myself and I truly believe you have to be happy within yourself before you give your all to a child...so I would recommend going to do your studying first and then try in the last 6 months TTC! I will also be 32 trying TTC!! Good luck with your decision!!!
mrspink Posts: 10
Hey girls, Thanks so much for all the replies, its so hard to decide O:| . I would love to start a family before my 30s and thats kinda turning me off going to college first at the same time i think it would be really though doing a degree and having a child at the same time. My heart is telling me to have a baby first but my head is telling me otherwise! I know the course im looking at doing is definitely the right one for me. I wont be able to start till next september anyway so i have a bit of time to make a decision!! Thanks again :)