Nervous at Decision Time

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Princess Atora Posts: 275
Have been working up to writing this post for days now! I dont want to talk to anyone else about this at the moment so i am hoping you girls can help or at least put me at ease. All i've ever wanted was to get married and a baby. When i was in primary school and we were all asked what we wanted to be when we grew up, i said i wanted to be a mammy! My friends have never let me live it down :) Anyway, I'm now 24, met a wonderful man and had the perfect wedding, so far so good!! :D We have started to discuss trying for a baby and my husband cant wait to have a family - and although i want it so very much too, i've become a bit frightened now that it has actually come down to making a decision. We have a lovely house and both have good jobs. I do want this baby very very much, but why am i feeling scared now? Can any of you mums out there tell me, does life stand still when the little one comes along? Was it the best decision you ever made, or did you think you were too young/not quite ready when you became pregnant? I would really love to hear any views, esp. anyone who had a baby around my age - or any age for that matter!!! Thanks girls, i feel better just even having written that down!
birdielips Posts: 342
ive no babies but i think its fairly natural to be worried about any life changing decisions - and seeing how a baby is the biggest youre gonna get then obviously its the one to make you most nervous. Whether youre ready or not is up to how you feel, do you feel ready to give up things like drinks on a thurs nite and sat nite out with the girls? Are you ready for body changes sleepness nights etc. Im sure you have a fair idea whats involved and when you think about it most babys years ago werent planned and i think maybe weve got too caught up in the whole 'control' thing hence the nervousness etc. (and most people feel like that BTW!) If you feel ready and really feel you can give a child all they need then just go for it! Dont try as such bec thats only putting pressure on yourself (and dont tell people youre going for it bec thats more pressure!!) just keep to your usual sexploits and let nature take it course !!
bridette Posts: 362
I totally agree with Birdielips. Make your decision as best as you can based on all the facts, and then relax and stick with it. It is unlikely that you will ever make the decision without feeling nervous so I don't think you should let that side of it affect what you decide. Can't help you otherwise as haven't got any kids of my own! Best of luck
*Smajra* Posts: 1440
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snozberry Posts: 1212
I am expecting my 2nd now although am a lot older than you. I too had seen myself at your age married with kids but my road was a different journey - although I've got here in the end! it is very nerve wracking making the decision - and I can remember doing my pregnancy test (on my first) and thinking oh my god - what now???!!! You are facing the unknown but knowing what is at the end of it makes you realise you want to do this! You have full support of your hubby too so that just makes it more exciting! Yes, life does change, theres no denying it but also your outlook on life changes and your own wants/needs change to - even though you may not realise it!! You dont have to give up your life and sit in staring at the four walls - you just need to get a bit more organised!! Ok sometimes you cant just decide to pack bags and head off for the weekend - but realistically how often does anyone do that??!! Go for it girl - and see what happens - dont stress yourself over it - give yourself a year to get pregnant and if it happens before that then its an added bonus.... and enjoy the practising :wink:
jools Posts: 261
As the other girls said - there's never a good time. And there will always be an excuse not to do it - but you need to weigh up your pros and cons and see where it leaves you. You both seem to want a baby, so don't let little things like weekends alter your decision. i'm expecting a baby in january and I have two weekends away afterwards lined up. In our case, my DH and I wanted a child very much but were told we'd have problems, so decided to start trying straight away. And we had a wedding coming up and exams as well. We were incredibly lucky and got pg after 2 months of trying ...... but the day I found out - I cried my eyes out. I felt like my world was falling apart (and this was something I wanted more than anything)... but now - I'm loving it and cannot wait for January.....so the feelings you have are perfectly normal and you're gonna feel a bit weird about making a decision, but you will both know when it's right.
originalwoowoo Posts: 867
I am 31 and have not wanted a baby, ever! But there comes a time when I felt I just needed to get on with it, I married DH with the 'one day we will' line and he was getting very eager. I love my life and love my job and do not like change so have had your feelings of insecurity and being scared. But now four months along know it is the right thing but know it will be tough and not always in my control. As for your question was it the best decision I have ever made - only time will tell! Go for it, there is much more positive than negative and all the best to you and DH.
mollyapr Posts: 53
Hi Atora.........I understand how you feel, kind of in the smae position as yourself, getting married next year and hope to start ttc as soon as possible after that, im 26 will be 27 and like you i think about sometimes I feel i will be missing out on things, like nights out or saturdays doing nothing, lying in bed with a book or whatever, but i feel ive enjoyed all those things now and feel ready to have a baby...H2b cant wait for it to come but I think for us its different!!!!! But I think you should give yourself time to get used to the idea, a few weeks or months, think about it, I think you will be happier to start trying once you know you are fully sure, if thats ever possible!!!! Time to think things through is very valuable!!!! Good luck and enjoy it all!!!! Moll xx
Princess Atora Posts: 275
Girls - thank you so much for your kind and wise advice. It is very comforting to hear and is a relief that i can actually talk to someone about it other than my husband of course! I think i have been scared because i was listening to some women in my work etc saying things like "god do x y z first, because everything ends after that" or things like this. Some will have you cowering in a corner by the time they have told their horrid tales of child rearing!!! But seriously, i think i had decided in my own mind that this was the right time, but needed a little reassurance from girls like yourselves. I do understand the enormity of having a child, but i am ready to take it on :) Thank you so much to each one of you for replying & your good wishes. It makes a big difference. Will let you know how i get on!!!
Gerbera Posts: 539
:lol: I have to laugh at those know alls who tell you bad things when something good is happening in your life eg. you tell people u're getting married, they tell you bad marriage stories, tell them you're pregnant they tell you awful labour stories, tell them you're thinking of starting a family they tell you life ends when you have a child etc etc! My advice: don't listen to these people, they obviously can't come up with something positive to say so it's not worth listening to! I had my daughter when I was 23 and I'll tell you, the fact that it wasn't planned, has no bearing on the fact that she has to be the best thing that ever happened to myself and my fiance. You do what ye feel is best for ye and stick with your decisions from there. Don't let interfering busy bodies put you off anything. You'll know that whatever decision ye do come to will be what ye feel is right for you and nobody else. Every big step in life carries a certain amount of fear, that's all part of it! Enjoy, and please don't worry!