New baby/children at weddings

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Desert-Moon Posts: 1174
Hi all, I'm posting this here as more of you may see where I am coming from. I can understand the whole no kids at weddings thing - I did that myself, the only child there was my son. No-one really was affected anyway except a few small cousins, as I have no nieces or nephews and neither does DH. My DH's brother is getting married a few weeks after baby due, so obviously I intended to bring baby as I'll be breastfeeding. The thought never occurred to me that baby would not be welcome. Recently in a conversation with DH mam, she asked if my parents were ok with minding baby for me!!! :eek I said well, I'll be bringing baby as I'll be breastfeeding, and expressing is fine and dandy down the line, but not when baby could possibly be 1 or 2 weeks old, we'll both be only getting the hang of it! Also I am assuming too, that my DS (DH's stepson) is not invited. Now I know that this is not a no kids wedding as bride's nieces and nephew's are going. What do you all make of this? It's as if new baby is not wanted and my DS is not one of the family. This is really annoying me, and if that's how it is, frankly I won't go. Now I could be wrong, but I just wanted some opinions, so should this be the case I am prepared and can decide what to do. Thanks
Avril Hiswife Posts: 1743
Stop worrying so much and speak to them!! One of my best friends was due just before my wedding and went over her dates so her little girl was born the week before. She brought her to the wedding and stood at the back of the church, the first time I saw the baby was as I entered the church and began walking up the aisle! I had been worried because there were several babies there in the end and I had wanted a child free wedding simply because I had been to one where an infant screamed all the way through the ceremony. I posted a lot on WOL about trying to find polite ways to explain to parents that I did not really mind them bringing their tots, but that if they did could they bring them outside should they start crying. As it happened there was not a peep out of any of them :-) . The thing is I recently heard from another friend that the mother of the newborn at our wedding did not really enjoy it much. She was a bit overwhelmed by a social occasion so soon after the birth and had to go for a lie down after the church and to bed after dinner.
The Original Aoife Posts: 230
Look, you're invited as a guest & if the B&G don't want kids there, with the exception of immediate family, then that's their privilege. As and you say, you did exactly the same thing at your own wedding, so you can't exactly start kicking off. The choice is clear - either you express & leave your baby with your parents or you stay at home with your children and your husband attends his brother's wedding alone. I know I've been fairly blunt in my advice, but you can't have it all the way you want in this instance Take care A
Desert-Moon Posts: 1174
Well, I have to say I'm dreading it! Of course if baby cried, I would take them outside - that goes without saying. But my issue is that either a wedding is child free or not. I really think its unfair to exclude certain children thats all.
pluppy Posts: 3519
i would have to agree with aoife on this, at the end of the day its the bride & grooms day and if thats what they want you have to respect their wishes
Tedsters Posts: 1688
[quote="MoonDesert":3r765qsu]...I can understand the whole no kids at weddings thing - I did that myself, the only child there was my son. No-one really was affected anyway except a few small cousins, as I have no nieces or nephews and neither does DH. ..Also I am assuming too, that my DS (DH's stepson) is not invited. Now I know that this is not a no kids wedding as bride's nieces and nephew's are going...[/quote:3r765qsu] Going back to your post Moondesert, there are a number of issues. Ok at your own wedding you had a no kids rule but as you did not have any neices or nephews on both sides, no immediate family was effected or excluded, assuming of course that if you did they would have been invited!! I am horrified that other neices and nephews will be going to DH brother wedding but your first child (because is not a blood relative) is NOT invited and is therefore essentially excluded from DH family :eek Regarding your second child I think it is a bit much expecting you to leave a newborn behind to attend the wedding whether you were breast or bottle feeding. We had a newborn at our wedding and gosh the parents kept thanking us all the time for allowing them to bring him along. I have argued this point before children are part of our families and I don't understand why people exclude them on these family occasions. Sure call me old fashioned but wasn't one of the reasons to marry was to have children!! ha ha
Avril Hiswife Posts: 1743
You don't really know what the bride and groom want - just what your DH's Mam thinks. Speak to the happy couple directly so there is no confusion. I can understand weddings being child-free but think it would be very unreasonable to expect a newborn to be left behind. And if some children in the family are asked, they all should be.
Desert-Moon Posts: 1174
Thank you Tedsters for your reply. :thnk You can see my point . My issue was never that my kids can't go. If there are no kids going, thats fair enough. Its the B&G's day as the others have said. In this case I wouldn't go, and wouldn't be offended. My issue is that other nieces and nephews are going, but [b:c4k034xl]MY kids are being excluded[/b:c4k034xl]. That's my issue!!!!! I think perhaps the others posters missed out on this point. It still remains to be seen exactly what will happen, but the fact that its been put to me regarding my parents babysitting pretty much says it to me that they won't be invited. And as far as I'm concerned even if my DS isn't blood related he is one of the family now - hence he is "immediate family" O:| I don't want things all my own way, just equality thats all!!!!!
pluppy Posts: 3519
[quote="MoonDesert":q75mb7f1]Thank you Tedsters for your reply. :thnk You can see my point . My issue was never that my kids can't go. If there are no kids going, thats fair enough. Its the B&G's day as the others have said. In this case I wouldn't go, and wouldn't be offended. [b:q75mb7f1]My issue is that other nieces and nephews are going, but [b]MY kids are being excluded[/b:q75mb7f1]. That's my issue!!!!! I think perhaps the others posters missed out on this point.[/b] It still remains to be seen exactly what will happen, but the fact that its been put to me regarding my parents babysitting pretty much says it to me that they won't be invited. And as far as I'm concerned even if my DS isn't blood related he is one of the family now - hence he is "immediate family" O:| I don't want things all my own way, just equality thats all!!!!![/quote:q75mb7f1] yes i missed that point, ok yes i would be annoyed, i would speak to the couple themselves and if its the case your 2 arent invited i wouldnt go
*Mrs Loulou Posts: 155
I think you are jumping the gun a bit in terms of assuming that the baby and your son are not invited. Maybe DH's mums inquiry about your parents minding the baby were meant in terms of you'd have a "day off" and could relax and enjoy the wedding? As the wedding isn't for another 4 months I assume you haven't received an invite yet? If not I'd put it to the back of my mind and not spend another minute worrying about it....adopt a wait and see attitude. When the invite comes in and if your children are not invited, then yourself and DH will have to decide on a course of action, whether to leave the children and go or let DH go on his own etc. At the end of the day I think you'll have to respect the B&G's wishes...especialy as you had a child free wedding yourself.