newborn baby and family staying over.. your advice pls

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Woodstock Posts: 1565
Hi girls, I'm not sure how many of you are in the same boat.. basically my family is in Italy and I'm looking to buy a ticket for my mum to come over and stay with us around the time babs should be born. (Ideally my dad will come over once babs is born). I was initially thinking to have my mum staying 4 weeks (she wants to come in before the baby is born). DH and I had a bit of a fight over this as he thinks it's way too long and he doesn't know why she needs to stay this long. I'm just wondering if he's right and 4 weeks are too long.. what kind of state will I be in.. physically i mean? I know she wants to be there to help me and the baby and I'm very grateful to her for this but hubby's point of view is that he'll be off too (for 1 week) to help me and the baby and she's staying too long! My mum thinks there's no point her being home in Italy and me being alone here at home while she can be around to help! DH and my mum get on but there's a language difference and without me around translating, they can't have a conversation. There's 30% off the flights until tomorrow and I want to book the flights today, and hubby and I are not speaking O:| I don't know what to do ;o(
esmum Posts: 426
Sorry if its not what you want to hear but I would find 4 weeks with an inlaw in the same house a bit long . At the same time I would like to think that I would have some one around . Which of the 4 weeks your mother will be there is your dh off ?
Forgottenpassword Posts: 1078
I have to say I would not want my mother staying in my house for 4 weeks around the time my baby is due. I would quite like to have her nearby but, not in the house IYKWIM. So I can see where your husband is coming from. This is the start of you and him and the little one being a family, and having someone else (even though it is your mother) there sort of dilutes that. I understand that you want your mum there and that she will be dying to see the baby, but, could she not come with your dad straight after the baby is born? Is there any way they could stay in a hotel or guesthouse near to you? The thing is not to worry too much about it, it will work itself out, but, I would say in your husbands defence that it would not be fair to him to have someone who cannot speak his language in his home for 4 weeks at what should be the most exciting time of his life. FP
Emme Posts: 4735
Hi Woodstock, I don't have personal experience just plenty of observations made! I can see both sides but I think you should come to a compromise and maybe leave the week that your DH is off as time for just the three of ye and then maybe have your Mum come over then. I'm sorry but I kinda see where your DH is coming from. It seems he just wants his little family to have a chance to bond. It seems to be impossible to gauge how someone is after a baby. One friend of mine could have done with a live in nanny for 6 weeks while another was up and making the dinner the evening she came home. HTH
Mrs2babridesoon Posts: 3319
Hi Woodstock, I'm sorry, I think hubby is right! I know my h2b wouldn't be happy if my mum was with us for a month before/after new babies arrival. I also think it's such a special time for you and hubby to bond with the baby. Also when you'll be in having the baby, you'll be in hospital for four/five days(?) and hubby will have to entertain her! Best of Luck! :wv
zoesmama Posts: 2774
i can see this from both sides. i think the woman's Mum if they are close can be a great help at this time but i also feel that particularly the first few days when you come home from the hosp with your baby it should be just the 3 of you (and any other children you may have) when DS was born DH's family arrived that day and were in the hosp room with DS & DH when i got back from recovery. for me this was too much. they stayed for 2 nights in a hotel. my family on the other hand arrived the day after DS was born and stayed in our house. though he would never say it i think it was a little much for DH having to look after them and trying to spend as much time in the hosp as he could. we had told both families that we wanted time to ourselves when DS and I came home from the hosp. we got out on a Thurs and on Fri DH got a call from his parents to say they were en route for a surprise visit. he asked them to stay in the hotel as we had wanted the weekend to ourselves. this time round i am telling both families that they can visit but no-one is staying at the house. selfish i know but it's what we want.
hopingforsoon Posts: 1152
My MIL has a habit of going staying with her daughters for a week or two after they have babies, and to me, that's plenty of time! My own mother said she'll come for a few days if I ask her, but that really, every mother needs time to bond with her baby and to find her own way of doing things and forming her routine with the baby. My sister has offered to stay for a week after I have our baby, purely to help out with things like the washing / shopping / cooking, and for a bit of company, and that's plenty of time as far as I'm concerned. I can see your husband's point of view ... if it was your MIL coming to stay for a month, would you be thrilled at the prospect?! :eek
Mammy rigomad Posts: 958
To be honest i think a month is too long!I know if it was my Mam my DH would crack up!!Its not that they dont get on cause they do but he would not be his self around her if she stayed that long.My mam has offered to help out when the baby is born which is great as i will not have a clue but at the same time i think it will be nice if its just the 3 of us getting used to one another.
Woodstock Posts: 1565
[quote="15/07/09":1w8m87tv]Which of the 4 weeks your mother will be there is your dh off ?[/quote:1w8m87tv] I think it would be the second week.. You see, my EDD was pushed 10 days forward and went from the end of June to the start of July. My mother would be coming over 'between' those two dates, around 1 week before the new EDD and staying for 3 weeks afterwards. Hubby would be getting 1 week off, right after babs is born. In a way I know why she wants to come in before: this is her second grandchild and for her first grandchild (my sister's) she arrived that he was born a few days and she was kinda upset that she wasn't there to see him being born. I explained to her that she wouldn't be assisting me anyway as hubby would assist me, and she knows that, but I know that she wants to arrive when I still have my bump! I can see how 4 weeks are very long for DH, but I really don't know how to put it with her without her taking offence! When I mentioned it was v. long for her to stay she understood was it long for my dad to be alone while she was here.. and also that I would be alone too and it'd be better if she was around to help. I know she always tells me she was alone with me and my sisters, that my dad wasn't around for her (he didn't assist her, her mother did, and then dad never took time off etc) and althought she had her mum from time to time, there were times where she needed help and there was nobody around for her. ;o( I think she doesn't want me to go thru the same (which I wouldn't be). [quote="hopingforsoon":1w8m87tv] I can see your husband's point of view ... if it was your MIL coming to stay for a month, would you be thrilled at the prospect?! :eek [/quote:1w8m87tv] I actually get on with my MIL more than my hubby does, believe it or not! She might have done one or two things in the past to annoy me but she is generally quite nice. Sometimes she comes over and stays with us, I pick her up and drive her back the next day, and after dinner we'd be chatting for hrs while hubby heads off watching TV! Generally, he gets tired of having people in the house, whether it's his family or mine! oh girls i don't know what to do! I feel like i'm stuck between a rock and a hard place! I don't want to upset my dh or my mother, I do want her around, but I too know 4 weeks are v. long! Not sure how to tell her that without sounding like I want her staying but I don't want her staying too long..
poppy1 Posts: 596
I know its a very emotional time and she probably will wreck your head after a while, but you will be glad of her help and company in the first few wks. My mum had a major operation 2 days after i came home and she was in the high dependancy unit so could not call me for 4 days, i found that hard not being able to talk to her. she came straight to our house the day she came out of hospital, but was not able to be with me every day as she couldnt drive. I used to pass the baby over to its dad at 5.30 when he came home and kipped for an hour on the couch, if mam had been there i would have been able to nap without worrying about baby. (even though i was BF) I found it easier to sleep during the day when he was not in the room with me!! sorry im getting off the point. she might annoy you at times but it will be worth it