Non gifters?

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New Wolly
Posts: 19

Non gifters?

Postby jenjen0564 » Thu Apr 02, 2015 10:00 am

Hey Wollies, I recently got married - It was an amazing day and was definitely worth all the work and planning to have all my friends and family there celebrating the day with us. The only minor thing that sometimes still bothers me and cant shake the thoughts is that there was that handful of guests that didnt bring any sort of gift…. I was told that that would happen at the wedding, that it happens at every wedding… but what I think what is nagging at me still is that it involved people I didn’t expect that from; some family and friends with whom we consider ourselves to be on the best of terms and have great relationships with??

Just a few thoughts to try and explain it isnt about the gift in particular - we got a tea towel off a guest and loved it cause it was nice gesture and the thought was there - We were truly grateful and floored by the generosity of everyone who did give, in whatever amount they could, even if it was just a card with a nice note.I am not going to ask them about it. I am not going to mention it to other friends/family members. And I will send thank you cards across the board for everyone who attended, because I truly am grateful that they were there!

Seriously though. Just a card with a nice note would have been appreciated. We worked hard to put this event together and took on most of the costs ourselves. We weren’t able to invite everyone we wanted to, so those who did make the list were especially significant to us. So I think what hurts our feelings the most is that it comes off as a sort of lack of appreciation from these people in our lives that we felt close to. I hope you know that I’m not upset over the lack of material gift.
Anyway, I was curious to know if any of you experienced non-gifters as well and how you felt about it. … Or any recent wedding guests who didn’t/weren’t able to bring a gift, and why? (Did you at least bring a card?)

Thanks, I’m determined not to hold any grudge over this - But I think input from you might help to process whatever minor hurt feelings I can’t shake :thnk

Mini Wolly
Posts: 472

Re: Non gifters?

Postby whereland » Thu Apr 02, 2015 10:30 am

I'm sitting down to do our thank you cards this weekend so this is kind of on my mind at the moment too. A handful of people didn't give gifts, some I know genuinely can't afford to which is totally fine, some are just scatty and some I'm a bit surprised by! I feel a bit awkward sending a thank you card when people haven't given a gift, obviously I'm thanking them for spending the day with us but I'm worried some of them might see it as a dig, i.e thanks for attending but I can't thank you for your gift as I didn't get one!!
I wouldn't take it personally though, you'd be surprised how forgetful people are about these things and they probably still have intentions of giving you a gift

Mini Wolly
Posts: 326

Re: Non gifters?

Postby CoolInterestingUserName » Thu Apr 02, 2015 11:52 am

So my brother got married abroad last year and I was a terrible sister!
I didn't give them a gift or card. :duh:

At the time I thought nothing of it, I knew I'd be giving to them two or three months after the wedding
It was an expensive wedding to attend and all my brothers and sisters planned on giving after.
I just didn't think too much about it at the time. I guess I thought getting there and being with them was enough. I do realise since then that I should of probably given at least a card.

My long winded reply is trying to show you another side of your situation. Some people don't think about the gift/card thing being important at the time. Weddings are very expensive for guests at home or abroad and everyone has different situations.

I know your not saying it's about the material side but really their attendance should be enough to show you they care.

If i was you I'd let it go. Thank your guests for going to the trouble of being there with you celebrating your big day. And have an amazing future with your husband. :)
Last edited by CoolInterestingUserName on Thu Apr 02, 2015 8:02 pm, edited 1 time in total.

New Wolly
Posts: 140

Re: Non gifters?

Postby elsa2015 » Thu Apr 02, 2015 1:01 pm

Some people do take their time giving gifts...often don't have money at time of the wedding with accommodation etc but I still think a card should be given.
My sister got a wedding gift two years after her wedding!
Try not dwell on it, be happy the people were there to share your day with you. Some people don't have much value on cards, or may be embarrassed to give a card without a gift.

Major Wolly
Posts: 691

Re: Non gifters?

Postby bee0606 » Thu Apr 02, 2015 5:27 pm

Etiquette is that you can give a gift up to a year after the wedding. A few people didn't give us gifts or cards at our wedding but we sent everyone a thank you card. We were thanking them for making the effort to go to the wedding and being part of our day. I think it's a bit petty not to give a card just because they didn't give a gift.

july bride
New Wolly
Posts: 2

Re: Non gifters?

Postby july bride » Fri Apr 03, 2015 2:03 am

We had a run of weddings for a year or two that we loved attending as they were all close friends and family. We always gave a gift but when there were a few together the gift and card followed a good few months later. This is fine in my books and personally I would feel really weird about giving a card with no cash in it- it's not like you can explain it's going to follow, or that just makes it awkward. I think I would love getting a new card and present a few months after the wedding when all the excitement of the wedding has died down.

Service Finder
New Wolly
Posts: 100

Re: Non gifters?

Postby MrsP2be2015 » Tue Jun 16, 2015 7:20 am

We had a few non-gifters as well. Three of my younger cousins (21, 25 and 28, all male) didn’t give us anything. I know they have no money and probably didn’t really think of it! A few people who came from abroad didn’t give anything, which I understand because they spent a lot on attending. Still, a card would have been nice! I will send them all thank you cards to thank them for coming. My husband’s father didn’t come to the wedding because the situation with his ex-wife is very complicated. We have seen him a few times since and he hasn’t given us a present or even a card. Can’t really send him a thank you card because I wouldn’t know what to put in it! I don’t mind not getting a present if people are short on money but I do find it a little rude not to give a card.

Posts: 2625

Re: Non gifters?

Postby craftyPB » Tue Jun 16, 2015 7:27 am

MrsP2be2015 wrote:My husband’s father didn’t come to the wedding because the situation with his ex-wife is very complicated. We have seen him a few times since and he hasn’t given us a present or even a card. Can’t really send him a thank you card because I wouldn’t know what to put in it! I don’t mind not getting a present if people are short on money but I do find it a little rude not to give a card.

If you wanted to send him a card you could thank him for all his support in the build up to the wedding perhaps?

New Wolly
Posts: 11

Re: Non gifters?

Postby Barbaragn » Tue Jun 16, 2015 9:21 pm

Hi I went to a wedding once and took the cash out of the card to buy drink as could not use laser ! Was very embarssed and planed to give later still haven't and will be inviting her to my wedding hope she doesn't give me a gift ! Now I always bring cash just in case

New Wolly
Posts: 4

Postby diamondgirl » Sun Jun 21, 2015 11:28 pm

I'm curious about this. Have none of you thought maybe the card got mislaid!! I was at two weddings last Summer and I never received a Thank You card. I am hearing a lot recently about cards being mislaid and am really hoping that's not what happened to our card!


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