one baby or two

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mink2008 Posts: 15
Hello I am in a wonder ful relationship with a wonderful man, he is 34 and i am 32, he is a divorced father of 4, they are also great and from day one there has never been an scrap of hassle, hard to believe i know but thank god so far so good. i knew from not long after meeting him that he was the man for me, his children range in age s from 5 to 16, and we have a really nice life together, thing is having another family and moving on in that way has been an issue between us pretty much for about 6 months into our relationship as we both knew feelings were pretty strong and were only inclined to get stronger, anyhow it all became too much for him what with fear and guilt and all the negative emotions that go with having to leave your children cos you cant live with their mother any more, took their toll, he couldnt see himself having more children.ever. so we broke up i felt it was the only thing i could do i was not in a position to make a choice about not having children of my own,as much as l loved him i could not make that decision, nor i have to point out did he expect me to. so l left but you know what after 2 weeks he came to me and told me he had made a terrrible mistake and that he did deserve a 2nd chance and that we would give it a proper go and try to have all the thing s that come with a proper loving relationship, namely for me in time kids.. all this has been perfect since we are busy making plans for our futures and nothing will ever be done without his children being a full part of it and for me that could be no other way, he adores them and they him, but he adores me and what we have together too. thing is in passing the other day he said that he would like us to just have the one child... i was a bit shocked to say the least i thought we had an open book, one for sure but maybe withe the option of 2 depending, i can see wholly where he is coming from he has as such been childrearing since he was 19 years old and a good deal of that interveining time was spent in a bad marraige. i have just been very confused and a bit sad since about the prospect of maybe not having more than one, that being please god that i can have them in the first place. he has never been anything but honest with me right from the start, i am just afraid that if i did have one, would i want another?? would it cause ruination between us if we were not in agreenance, some ways then i think easy for youo you have 4, but then we are from such different sides of the track, am i asking too much, i have a perfect happy life with him and his kids like me and i like them, should i be grateful for what i do have and the prospect of having one child with the man i truly love..
mad woman Posts: 22106
you need to sit down and talk to him, explain how you feel, tell him exactly what you have posted here, explain to him how much you love him and his childeren, but would like for the two of you to have more than one child together, explain to him deeply how you feel, who knows you may have one child and decide thats enough, or you may have two and decide you want more, you never know what life will bring and only time will tell..........
mink2008 Posts: 15
Thank you for your reply, he knows exactly how i feel and i know how he feels, thats what this reallly about so that we both go into it knowing what we want, i really do understand how it is for him, it is about him he has been doing it since the age of 19 and he is willing to do it once more for us and this does make me happy, your right i may never want another i may be more than happy with one, i just dont want to be unhappy down the road, we have a fantastic relationship and one that i quiet sure i would not find again, it does not happen too often in this life is my experience...i can have the best of both worlds with this man i can be a mother and i can spend my life with a man that i love and respect and i know its mutual. its just never something i imagined that i would have to be thinking about , i guess every body has their stories....thanks again
snozberry Posts: 1212
I dont think he is being fair to you..... it does seem all about him. Did he decide with his first partner to have 4, or did she? more likely they just left it to see what happened. now i know you dont want to have to harp on about his previous relationship but I really think you need to come to some agreement here and say you definitely want at least two... this leaves it open to you as you may be happy with one (or y'never know you might have a multiple pregnancy!!) also sometimes these things 'happen' and if it did he may think you did it on purpose which would be worse again. i would definitely get it sorted out even for your own piece of mind. I wish you all the happiness in the world and congratulate you on following your heart.
mink2008 Posts: 15
Hi back again!! thanks for the replies, i have been doing alot of thinking since (maybe 2 much) i am very happy with what i have at the moment and the prospect of having a child with this man makes me very happy, but is it ok to have just one, not broody at the momentawhatso ever