Only child

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*bubblez* Posts: 1599
Just wondering if anyone else is only planning on having one child? I want a baby but I don't want more then one. Anyone I;ve spoken to about this thinks I'm being selfish and if I'm going to have a lonely child then I shouldn't bothered having one at all. This conversation came up with family yesterday and really upset me, I don't feel that I'm being selfish and certainly in the future if our circumstances changes I would consider having another baby but for now I know that we could provide for one child all the time, attention and money that having a child requires, I feel that if I had a second child and had to split my already limited time (as I'd have to work) between them I'd feel very guilty. We also wouldn't be able to financially provide for everything they would need in life (I'm not talking about toys here, I'm talking about money for college etc) I feel crap today and I spent most of last night going over this in my head... does anyone else just want one child or is anyone else "limited" to one child due to financial restraints?
Mama Dora Posts: 14987
Personally I feel through choice I would not have one child,the financial end of things I dont worry about as I feel when you make sacrifices and as your lifestyle changes the money will be there after all how did they cope with 10-12 kids years ago?They just did.... It's obviously your choice and try not to get upset what others views are after all if you feel pg on twins or triplets would you feel different?
Moet for me Posts: 1841
I don't have any problem with an only child but some of your reasons for only having one child wouldn't really make sense to me [quote:3oik92gf]know that we could provide for one child all the time, attention and money that having a child requires, I feel that if I had a second child and had to split my already limited time (as I'd have to work) between them I'd feel very guilty[/quote:3oik92gf] The finanacial resources makes a lot of sense but the time element does not I mean would the children not generally be doing things together so you would really be spillting time between them per se. 2 children do take up more time in the early years but seeing other familys the children seem to play together a fair bit as time goes on thus freeing up your time a bit. I wouldn't personally wnat just one child but I don't see anything wrong with it.
*bubblez* Posts: 1599
Of course if I was pg with twins I'd be delighted but what I'm sayong is that we're only planning on having one child.. if it turned out I was having two then we would cope but we wouldnt be as able to provide for them.. Can I ask why you wouldn't only have one child? just out of curiousity
Mama Dora Posts: 14987
I feel siblings need each other through life,I know not all sisters and brothers get on but the majority do..I would feel that an only child would be lonely and quite spoilt but thats just my opinion.
*seahorse Posts: 1122
Hi Mrs Crazy lady, It is ur choice. IMO I would never choose to have one child. I do think it's selfish. I have a 3.5yr old and he was begining to get very lonely & introverted & always wanted us to be doing things (even when not possible) until we had our 2nd baby in Dec, he's a different child. They thrive on the bond they have. BTW he attends Montessorri so shouldn't have felt this way but he was the only one in his class without siblings. Have u thought about them growing up alone? With just u & ur partner, and when u die what will happen, or if anything at all happens ur child will have full responsibility. U say that u could "provide" better for one child? but I do not think this is the case, money & alone time with parents do not make happy children, a playmate & a confident are just as important IMO. BTW I grew up as an only child, although I have 3 siblings there is 11 years between me & the next & as a child I did feel the void, my Mum says if she had her time again she'd have another baby after me...
Sphynx Posts: 6795
Hey Jessica (love the new name!), I really want to have two children. Not sure we would manage more(though DH wants four and thinks we would somehow cope!). I am an only child myself and it's not something I would want for my own child. I don't feel I missed out too much as a child - I got a LOT of toys at Christmas and birthdays and I got a lot of attention from the adults around me and so was always advanced for my age and did very well at school. I was not a spoiled child - I was really well-behaved and had good manners because that was important to my mother. I had lots of friends and cousins around and so wasn't lonely. However, it's now as an adult that I feel I am missing out. I am very envious of friends who have close siblings and I'm sad that my own child won't have any cousins on my side of the family. When I was picking my bridesmaids for my wedding last year, there were no obvious candidates at first and I realised that what I was missing was a sister. I find that I tend to be overly reliant on friends (more than they are on me), while the older we get, the closer those friends get to their brothers and sisters. I guess I am always looking for surrogate sisters! I am also facing the prospect of having to deal with my mother's old age and deaths "on my own" - I know I will have DH to support me but it's not the same. When I see my DH and his brother together and see how they are way more than great friends, I feel very emotional and a little sad for myself - and these two fought like cats and dogs until they were in their late 20s. I guess what I'm saying is that you might think you are doing the best thing for a child by not having a second, but bear in mind that your choice will have life-long implications. However, I don't think you are being selfish at all as you're thinking of your child's best interests and I don't think your decision is anyone else's business!
mrs bmw Posts: 6447
I don't think that its selfish to only have 1 child. You do what you think is best for you, your body, your mind and your family. You don't need to answer to anybody at all so politely tell your family its none of their business if they bring the subject up again. Its better to have 1 child that you can provide for then scrimping and saving just to have 3.
cloud Posts: 1662
Hi there, I am an only mother would have had more than one but it wasn't to be!!! I have had no problem in my life being an only child... if you never had something then you can't miss it! I don't ever feel like Ive missed out on anything because I dont have brothers or sisters... I have very close friends who mean the world to me and thats better than having a sister I might not get on with... I don't think it is selfish to only want one child, if you think you will be able to offer everything you want to one child and you feel as though you may be under pressure with two then why not? I am not spolied! Throughout my life I may have had priviledges that other kids didnt have...I have never wanted for anything but on the other hand I have worked part time sice I was 15... I never asked my parents for anything.... Im now in my 20's and I still don't feel like Im missing out... When we got engaged a few people asked, 'do you mind not having a sister to share this with now??' My answer was simply NO... my best friend has always been better than I could ever have imagined a sister to be so its not a problem... I think a lot of people have a weird misconception of what its like to be an only child!!! Do what you feel is best for you and your DH... don't let other people influence you... if you think it is selfish to have one then I can honestly tell you not to worry about it! :wv
mammybean Posts: 10364
Hi ya. i do not think it is selfish to have one child but i have recently thought about one child and the future. I know when i am feeling down i ring my sister cos she always cheers me up. i know when i have fantastic news all i thi about is when can i go visit my bro's and sis to tell them. when our mum died i dont now what i would have done without them. i would hate after both parents dying to be alone in the world. ok there are husbands and friends but its not quite the same, in saying this if i can get throught this pregnancy alright i will be blessed and happy and if i do not have any more i will be happy with that does this make sense?