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P***ed off with this SAHM lark

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Mommy2Two Posts: 704
Just need a vent really. I'm so sick of being at home all the time. I loved my job, had worked hard to get to a senior position & was looking forward to going back after a year but was made redundant. Now I love that I get to spend a lot of time with DD but I never planned to be at home & find the days a bit endless to be honest. I've no family nearby, have made a few friends with kids but tbh it's some non kid time I need. I feel like I'm wishing my life away - til I have this baby, til I can go back to work etc It's like there's no longer a me, just a wife & mom Now, I know things could be a lot worse, don't get me wrong - but I'm just so bored I need a rant!!
Luka Posts: 1904
I know how you feel. I work either one or two days a week, & it's not really enough to feel like I am in the workforce really. My DS is 8 months now. I still feel like I am home all the time. I was working for the best part of 20 years before he was born! So it is definetly a big change.We had a bit of a struggle to become parents though, so we wouldn't change things for the world! It takes time to adjust to a new role, I am still adjusting every day. I am lucky that my parents live up the road, & my mam helps all she can, but being in her early 70's, I don't ask too much. I know you think you are wishing your life away, but you are right to be thinking ahead & have a little plan for yourself. Like my plan is (hopefully!) we would like to start TTC again this year as I am 37 & if all works out, I would like to have a career change once that baby is a year. It may sound like a dream at the moment, but it keeps me going! NIghtclasses are a good way to get out of the house & learn something new. Even one night a week, maybe your DH could baby sit. Remember, you are still the individual that you were before you became a wife & mother. Don't ever lose that. Good luck with baby no 2, I hope I'll be in that situation in the next few months! :)
Mammy101 Posts: 446
Yes, it can be a bit isolating can't it? The best bit of advise I can give is to make time for yourself once or twice a week. Get DH to look after LO on Saturday & make a break for it out the door - spend the day in town, go window shopping, have a cuppa somewhere, meet a friend, DO ANYTHING except watch the clock or ring home to check on your LO. Spend the day (or couple of hours) out of the house spending time BY YOURSELF. You need this to keep yourself sane! I'd even go as far to ALSO meet a friend for a coffee or go to a friend's house one evening a week to get out of the house... that way you have Saturday plus an evening to just do your own thing (maybe make it a THursday night incase you want to go late-night shopping!). This is what DH & I try to do regarding our situation - I need some 'me' time... and a break from dragging LO with me if I need to go to the shops for something or seeing a friend. I especially cherish the Saturday's I get to myself - and I don't feel guilty AT ALL for enjoying myself! I deserve it :-)
Winter B2B Posts: 3494
I know exactly how you feel. I was very career orientated and very ambitious but last February I went back after mat leave and I was made redundunt. I wasn't ready to become a SAHM. However now I have to say I love it. I also have no family close by and my friends are all working as I was the first to start a family. I did alot of what the other girls have suggested but it wasn't until I got a proper structure to my days that it became enjoyable. I started going to a number of toddler and mother groups. Hated them at first but after a few weeks I started to make friends and to meet other mums who felt exactly the same. As DS has got bigger I do end up getting adult time as the groups do tea&biscuits so I sit chatting for 90 minutes while he plays. Another thing I started doing was meeting my friends that worked for lunch. It meant me working completely around them but worth it for adult company with your friends. I now make sure that at the start of the week I have something planned for at least 3 days that week. Either meeting friends, going to toddler group, going down the country to my parents or have someone visiting. I have also started baking which I have always enjoyed but never had time to do. I had to start been the one who arranged non baby time as I often felt the girls didn't invite me to nights out as they just presumed I wouldn't be interested and that it wouldn't suit. I'm hoping to start doing some night classes after No. 2 comes along as by time September comes I'll need more 'me' time.
WorldsGreatestMum Posts: 249
Anything that's thrust on us rather than our own choice is usually rubbish I find. I found 12 to 16 months to be one of dd's least endearing times. They want to be walking around all the time adn then carried when the energy flags which I guess is difficult with you pregnant. In a few months your baby will be more fun (well I found anyway).
Mommy2Two Posts: 704
Thanks girls. It's good to know I'm not alone. Also, I realised that I am kinda dreading this baby coming. DD was 11 weeks preamture & so when she eventually came home, we were stuck in the house for a couple of months to avoid infection etc. However, this pregnancy is going much better & I'm beginning to get the confidence that I might pull this off (especially as I realised a lot of the reason I was so isolated last time was because she was a prem and hopefully this one will only be maybe 5 weeks prem). I'm kind of a slave to her routine as well and now she is pretty dependant upon it. She sleeps so much - 8pm to 8am, 10.30am to 12.30pm and 3pm to 5pm - and I avoid going out at those times. It's become my excuse for not exercising and now I am fat & unfit, which is driving me crazy. So, I've decided it won't kill her if her morning nap is pushed to 11 two or three times a week and I am going swimming. Walking is just hurting my back too much at the moment (another of my excuses!) It really is easier to be at work in some ways - you have deadlines, you work for them, achieve them, move on. The Groundhog Day element of being at home drives me mad - housework every day etc, you know. But sure I suppose that's life & things could be an awful lot worse. And probably will be when I have two babies :o0 DD isn't walking & we don't expect her to for another 6 months or so, so they really will both be babies. So I'm going to try to be more cheerful & make the most of it! Thanks again - it's good to know people who get it, as lots of my friends wish they were at home.
Anne Boleyn Posts: 709
I'm really torn about being a SAHM. On one hand Ithink it's such a privilege to be able to spend so much time with my DD- most people I know have had to go back to work when their baby was about 7 months old. When I think about not being able to spend so much time with her I get a bit upset, but one the other hand I loved my job so much (left it in the summer when we moved back to Ireland). I must really begin to get my ass in gear & look for something in a couple of months for financial reasons, but I think it will be better for me too. I know I'll be fine when the time comes to leave DD as I had to return to work for 5 weeks when she was only 14 weeks old & after the first few days I loved being back. I loved the adult interaction, getting dressed up every day, putting make up on etc. I really feel like I'm getting stuck in a rut at home- I suppose I'm going through a hard time emotionally at the moment too so I just can't be bothered going to mother & baby groups etc. either. I know I should make more of an effort but it's hard! Another thing I look forward to when I hopefully get a job in the future is that DD will no longer be my (almost) sole responsibility- I do everything for her except at weekends. I suppose we both see her as my job at the moment. Sorry for the rambling post- just wanted to let you know that you're not alone!
zowiebowie Posts: 300
you are definitely not alone, i;m feeling the same at the moment. Took redundancy but had intended to go back to work after maternity leave so being a SAHM was never really part of my plan. In one way I know I'm lucky because we can afford for me not to work. so I feel bad for complaining. But its bloody hard being at home all day. I envy my husband because he gets to leave the house every day and have loads of interaction with other people. I'm not really comfortable joining a mother and baby morning because I'd feel a bit silly. My family live far away. Its hard. I suppose I'm just hoping I'll adjust over time and it'll get easier. :lvs
JT Posts: 397
Like WGM said: [quote:3m7ul7ma]Anything that's thrust on us rather than our own choice is usually rubbish I find.[/quote:3m7ul7ma] I love the idea of being a SAHM because I've recently gone back to work after 15 months off and I find it hard and miss the kids. However I do enjoy aspects of my job, it's not the job of my dreams and I keep telling myself it's no bad thing as had I loved it, I don't think I could have taken 15 months off. It's what we don't have that we think we want, grass is always greener etc.
MammyC Posts: 3621
TDON'T post here much anymore but I had to do a quick reply here, I have been at sahm now for nearly three years and the only west to keep yourself normal and your energy levels and motivationgoing is to be busy and get out of the house. Monday to Friday me and dd are on the go, ctoddler groups, music class, libary, lunch out , visiting the grandparents, whatever appointments we have to attend, shopping, playcenters and playdates... We also head away for a night every couple of weeks to family. I work for myself so can pick and choose weather or not to work, so that was one morning a week and dd goes to playschool then, I still send her now if I'm nor working as she loves it and I get to do housework in peace :) on the rare occassion we have a free afternoon or morning we bake together , do housework , painting , whatever wealways have something planned. I'm busier now than I ever was at work :) I find that if I get out of doing things for whatever reason ( three months at the start of this pregnancy was tough, and christmas routine goes out the window) my motivation gets low and my patience drops which makes me and dd cranky! Anyway just my thoughts!