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littlemisshopeful Posts: 6101
Has anyone else got their parents trying to decide and organise in their place? My parents are unbelievable! They insist on paying for the meal, so I feel I have to let them invite who they want. worried there will be more of their friends than ours! But now, they are telling me, I can't have that hymn and I must have that and I am really cracking up! I am snapping at them, but they just don't understand. Should I just go ahead and organise everything else myself, without asking their opinion and let them find out on the day? I have tried talking to them already about it and they just go silent and I am made to feel like a monster! Any opinions, suggestions etc.?
MrsTiredbride Posts: 3397
You'll have to tell them how important the ceremony is to you and that although you appreciate their help with the reception you need to do this bit wit you and h2b to make it special. All of us have have little moments with family over this and that regarding family so you are not alone there.
newyear09wife Posts: 899
be thankful that they care... i could be walking up the aisle to the theme of bosco and my parents wouldnt know nor care.!!
frillynickers Posts: 1765
You should say to them you really appreciate the fact that they are paying towards the wedding but you have an idea of how you want the day to go and the hyms you chose are the ones you want. YOu appreciate there help and advice etc but that this is your day and there are certain things you will not budge on.
littlemisshopeful Posts: 6101
[quote="newyear09bride":169z7y4z]be thankful that they care... i could be walking up the aisle to the theme of bosco and my parents wouldnt know nor care.!![/quote:169z7y4z] Of course I am thankful that they care and that they insist on paying for the meal. We never would have expected this i.e. that they pay for it. However there is a fine line between caring and dominating.
Missus Lippy Posts: 5879
Maybe you could give them a little job to do or a certain part of the wedding where "input" is welcome and after that, everything is sacred to yourselves? The only reason I say this is because my mother was very domineering on the guest list side of things and "you have to have" this or that (where is it written, that's what I wanted to know :o0 ) but hymns? Far too much detail IMO, that's personal to yourself and H2B's ceremony. If any of the rest of the bridal party asked, would you tell them? If they are like this, for your own sanity, I think you have to start making excuses, "we haven't spoken to the church singers yet" etc. Do you live at home? I was thanking Crunchie I wasn't as otherwise there would have been no escape :o0
scoby1978 Posts: 175
My mother was like this and in the end, after numberous heated discussions I asked her, did you do everything you wanted for your wedding. She said no. I said well more fool you. (My parents paid for their own wedding) I said that if I regret anything afterwards it will be because of what we decided, not because we were forced into it. And surprise surprise, she had a brilliant time. Sometimes parents feel that the wedding reflects on them and not the couple who are getting married. I think she enjoyed it more because it was out of her hands. Be strong. Just calmly say thanks for the idea. I'll keep it in mind. And then do your own thing.
bride2be2009 Posts: 175
Yikes its a hard one... i know... going through it at the min. Mum has started the whole ..you have to lark too... but sure i am glad of her help in some areas. Just guide them to the area you are looking at. I have mine set on Flowers... and cars, with GUIDELINES... still... keeps them interested too. Makes them feel involved and thats really important. I think you can tell a family that has helped to organise the day to be honest! Its very easy to spot on the day itself. But.. the brakes go on at the reception list... i am determind about that!!
littlemisshopeful Posts: 6101
[quote="Missus Lippy":1geobsc3]Maybe you could give them a little job to do or a certain part of the wedding where "input" is welcome and after that, everything is sacred to yourselves? The only reason I say this is because my mother was very domineering on the guest list side of things and "you have to have" this or that (where is it written, that's what I wanted to know :o0 ) but hymns? Far too much detail IMO, that's personal to yourself and H2B's ceremony. If any of the rest of the bridal party asked, would you tell them? If they are like this, for your own sanity, I think you have to start making excuses, "we haven't spoken to the church singers yet" etc. Do you live at home? I was thanking Crunchie I wasn't as otherwise there would have been no escape :o0[/quote:1geobsc3] Nope. Don't live at home. I think I need to figure out a way of taking calmly to them, instead of getting stressed and snapping at them.
Ficidy Posts: 1753
Be strong and explain that this is your big day and it's the only one you'll have and that you want it to be a certain way. I don't mean to get angry with them or anything - just be strong, put your foot down (albeit diplomatically) and show them who's boss :o0 Just because they're paying for the meal doesn't mean that they should be entitled to invite whoever they want. This really bugs me when parents do this.