Paying husbands child maintenance

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juststartingout Posts: 41
If you're husband was unemployed (long term), would you pay maintenance to the mother of his child (from a previous relationship)?
moobear Posts: 1126
Firstly I'm not in your situation so I can only imagine what I'd do - which I have no doubt others will disagree with To be honest, I don't think I would or if I was I certaintly wouldn't be paying the full amount. The ex needs to realise that the money isn't there and what is being paid is the max that can be paid. If it was a case of paying maintenance or putting food on my table I know which one I would be doing. I know it's not much help but I am not in a similar suitation so can only go on what I think I would do
chicabride Posts: 453
Would you not be obliged to pay seen as the one wage would be considered both your wage under law... I could be wrong. It would piss me off to a degree but thats what you sign up to when you enter a marraige
juststartingout Posts: 41
Thanks for the replies ladies..
CarolinaMoon Posts: 2431
Honestly I wouldn't stop paying it. I might look at reducing it though. At the end of the day he has a child who he needs to support whether the mother needs the money or not. If you are not going without the basics to pay then I do think you should be paying something. Have you discussed this with your OH?
happycamper2 Posts: 452
I do think He should be paying something, but now he is not working they should reduce it, do u mind me askin how much he pas a week/month? For 1/2 children?
mammy2011 Posts: 1388
Your husband is legally obliged to maintain his child, its not like the mother has a choice. If he isn't happy about the amount he is paying then he should seek legal advice, but simply not wanting to isn't a good enough reason. He would have to prove he couldn't afford it which isn't really the case. Why should the mother pay his share just because she has more money?
Anne Cordelia Shirley Posts: 4731
[quote="juststartingout":2rmwca9c] Whereas she has no mortgage, was given a house by a relative, she has loads of big holidays and it's kind of beginning to get on my nerves.[/quote:2rmwca9c] I might sound harsh, but this part of your post jumped out at me. It might be 'getting on your nerves' but that's nothing to do with the child. Your partner has had a child with someone and morally and legally should be contributing to maintenance. It's really beside the point what lifestyle she has or what her living situation is. Maybe she's a good saver and manages her money really well so as to afford holidays-that's nothing to do with your partner's obligation to pay for his child's upbringing. Same with the fact she was given a house-she still has to heat it and maintain it and put food on the table and clothe a child. You don't say what the custody arrangement is but I'm going to assume (correct me if I'm wrong) that she has the child more than you and your partner do, so she will incur more of the day to day costs of rearing a child if that's the case. I don't think there's any reason for any parent in your situation to not pay at least a small amount towards the child. If you had a child with another man surely you'd expect him to contribute to the upkeep and not cease payments because of your lifestyle?
juststartingout Posts: 41
ok I take everything on baord that you are all saying.
Anne Cordelia Shirley Posts: 4731
[quote="juststartingout":x2od5fur]ok I take everything on baord that you are all saying. Thank you for your hosesty. A poster suggested that maybe she's a good saver - she's living on benefits since the child was born over 12 years ago, and does cash jobs on the side. I know she's very confortable and is a big big spender. Whereas I'm budgeting every single month. Then I get hit with things like summer camps (not half of the cost, I pay all of it), private health insurance (not half, all), paying for half the childs holiday costs when they go away, it's a couple of hundred extra here and there, there's always something that involves paying more on top of the maintenance. Maybe I could suggest stopping those extra's and maintain the weekly maintenance as it is. I don't really want to rock the boat, it's a sore subject.[/quote:x2od5fur] I think the only way to resolve this who pays what stuff is to go the legal route. It will cost money but in the long term its a much more black and white way to sort out financial matters. If indeed she is working while claiming benefits (which she is entitled to, depending on the benefits she's claiming) that's nothing to do with paying maintenance. I understand it might be frustrating to see money being paid to someone you don't think needs or deserves it, but your husband does have a responsibility towards this child.