I haven't been online in the past few days and I feel bad because I know if I was in your shoes, I'd really want replies!
I hate that this has happened to you, I absolutely hate everything about porn sites and the situation you're now faced with.
Regarding the messaging; I've been there, to an extent, but it was in the early days of our relationship before we were really committed to each other, and thankfully they weren't as graphic as what you've seen, but on the other hand, there was no room for doubt that he had shifted someone else (but at least it wasn't anything more than that) and it was obvious from the messages that she was the one pursuing things after the event, and he wasn't giving her much in return.. but I could see from the messages that he had led her on prior to that.
I guess some people (I hesitate to just say "men" because I'm quite sure lots of women are the same) get a thrill from texting and flirting and it's difficult to ascertain whether their intentions are to do any more than just text and flirt.
Regardless of all that, you must be really hurt and puzzled about these messages? I don't care if my husband told me it was all a joke etc, I'd still feel really crap, worrying about what kind of conversations he's having with other women etc. Did you ever have any doubts about him before this?
As for the porn.. that just gets my goat. My husband used to look at it a fair bit (he probably still does, but now it's just on his phone rather than on any device that I'd use, so I'm not aware of it and I'm happier that way) and he always used to scoff that "every man does it" when I'd get annoyed with him for it. He's probably right, they probably all do look at it and now that it's bloody well EVERYwhere, it's just too easy for them to look up anything they like at any time, and it's horrible. My ex was constantly looking at it and we went through a couple of months where he'd say he wasn't in the mood for sex, only for me to discover that he'd been doing his own thing while I was at work!! Like, constantly - he's probably addicted to it now.. I wish people would realise how harmful and awful it can be!! It made me feel like crap and that's possibly why I have absolutely zero tolerance for it now.
Has anything changed since you posted the other day? How have you been feeling?